Like No One's Looking
by Uzumaki-sama
Summary: Haunted by memories of Sora and his happier childhood, Riku feels trapped in a life he lives only to please his strict aunt. Until Axel takes an interest in him. And when his life takes a complete 180, he's not sure it's for the best. [AxelRiku, LeonRiku]
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Notes: **

Though this is the prequel to my other fic _A Complete 180°_, it can be read without reading it. This story follows Riku's life story through most of high school and after, up until he moves back to Destiny Islands to find Sora. It will include his relationships with the people in Atropos in elsewhere, including Axel and Leon and Sephiroth. :3 That's all I can really say without spoiling anything! The title is taken from the Mondo Grosso song "Like No One's Looking" (though the song has nothing to do with the story—I just liked it ;o;).

Since this fanfic explores Riku's journey through puberty and his experiences as he explores his sexuality, the version you are reading right now is the **_CENSORED VERSION_**. To read the full, uncensored version, **visit my site.**

**Warning:**

This fanfic contains excessive sexual themes, including sex between two males, masturbation, attempted rape, sexual harassment, and other mature themes that should not be read by those who are not comfortable reading them.

* * *

_all the boys' voices cracking  
oh, the moaning halftones  
come summertime  
we're all the same age here_

_all the tension and the terror  
_  
_thin limbed gorgeous green eyes smiling  
and i'm going straight to hell  
all the possibility and promise just  
weighs on me so heavily... _

**"the tension and the terror"**  
_Straylight Run_

_

* * *

_

**Like No One's Looking**  
**Part One**

-o-o-

_BVVVVT BVVVVT._

"Rrggh..."

The disgruntled sound came from somewhere underneath a mess of blue sheets and pillows where one unhappy little rich boy had been trying to sleep. The abruptly buzzing cell phone on his nightstand obviously had other plans for him.

_BVVVVT BVVVVT._

"Who the... rrgh..."

Before the cell phone could be spiteful and vibrate itself off the surface and commit electronic suicide, a slender hand shot out from under the sheets and snatched it from its resting place. The boy buried beneath the blue silk nest slowly rose onto his elbows and squinted at the glowing numbers of his digital alarm. _2:32 AM_. Riku knew immediately that he was going to kill whoever was calling him this late before his final.

Or so he thought, until he saw who it was.

**Olette calling.**

_BRRRRRT BRR—_

"H..Hello...?" he rasped into his phone, his pubescent voice rising in pitch at the end, but he was too tired to care at the moment. "Olette?"

Loud sniffling and a sweet voice choked with tears came through the other line. "R-Riku, St-Stiltz...Stiltzkin d-died!"

Oh dear lord.

Riku's irritation fizzled away immediately, leaving him groggy and grumpy but no longer ready to snap his friend's head off for interrupting his precious sleep. He wanted nothing more than to close his eyes and relax back into his pillows, but if he did, he knew he'd just wind up dozing off while Olette sought his comfort for her dead pet rabbit. Stiltzkin _had_ been awfully cute...

"Oh," he breathed, realizing he was expected to respond. And he knew how to do that. He wasn't sure why the girl called him with her problems, but it was becoming a daily occurrence now. "Oh, that's horrible... I'm sorry," he said, sounding slurred. Clearing his throat, he lifted a hand to rub at one eye. "How did he die?"

Olette didn't seem to notice his disinterest. She gave another loud sniffle, then a short sob. "W-Well... it's kind of... complicated," she managed to get out, calming down a little now that she knew she had someone to listen to her. How a rabbit's death managed to be _complicated_, Riku was scared to know. But he was going to find out, it seemed.

Despite how much he wanted to hang up and deal with this later, and despite how much he'd later regret not doing so because he had to wake up hellishly early to study for his government final, Riku had a serious soft spot for crying. Just one lip quiver and hurt look, and he always caved in. One day, he had a feeling it'd be his downfall. Besides, his aunt always told him he needed to start being nicer to people. Not that he listened to his aunt very often.

"Go on," Riku said quietly, stifling a sigh.

It was going to be a long night.

-o-o-

"Reeee_eeee_ku!"

The shrill yell cut through the right upstairs hallway, piercing his ears and intensifying his already unbearable headache. He was rushing through his room in a blur, stuffing things into his satchel without hesitating—government books, the notepad he scribbled his notes on during lecture, his cell phone—crap, it was already 8:39! With no time to get dressed, he stuffed in his neatly folded uniform and closed his school bag, shouldering it as he slipped on his athletic shoes and made a run for the hallway.

His family's large home—well, not _his _family's, but his aunt's—was separated into three main sections based on the staircase design in the atrium: the left wing, right wing, and the middle. The stairs led up from the left and the right and joined in the middle to create a balcony-like mezzanine, and from that balcony branched the two colonnade-lined upstairs galleries—the left led to Aunt Rena's bedroom, the right led to Riku's.

When Riku reached the mezzanine, Rena was at the left gallery, leaning over the marble railing to yell at him again in her oh-so-helpful way. "Reeee_eeee_ku! You're going to be late!"

He suppressed the urge to outright roll his eyes at her as he flew down the stairs, raking his hands through his hair, hoping he didn't look as sloppy as he felt. He could only imagine the circles under his eyes from getting only two hours of sleep. Shit, shit, _shit_! He was going to hurt Olette!

"You're _fourteen_—!" Rena shouted at his back.

_Almost fifteen, _he silently added, knowing she'd probably forgotten.

"—you should be more responsible than this!"

He hadn't even heard his alarm go off this morning, but it had been turned off as if he'd hit it himself. No time to eat breakfast, no time to shower—_nothing_—couldn't even study for his damn final—he'd have to do that on the bus, which would be a later bus than he was accustomed to catching. But he couldn't miss this test and he couldn't be late or he'd be locked out because Professor Kramer was anal about tardiness and—gah!

"I had better not get any notices from your professors today!" she added. "Do you need me to call a driver?"

"My uniform is in here!" Riku called back, managing not to sound as snippy as he felt. "And no—I'll be fine!"

Definitely no drivers. They were slower than public transport, believe it or not, and his first class was closer to the bus stop than it was to the porte-cochere where he was usually dropped off. And he hated being dropped off in any of his aunt's luxurious vehicles. He went to a high class high school, yes, but he liked to keep his wealthy heritage and his average lifestyle separate.

Hurrying down the stairs before she could nag about anything else, Riku breezed through the front doors, hoping upon hopes that he wasn't forgetting anything critical. He had it figured out. He'd study on the bus, rush to the nearest restroom once he got to school to change, and run like hell to class and hope his stomach decided not to growl during his final—though that was the least of his problems. Olette was definitely going to be hearing about this, dead rabbit or not!

Still wearing the silk, indigo pajama pants and white designer muscle shirt he'd worn to bed, he tried not to feel embarrassed while running to the bus stop. He'd never felt so self-conscious before, like he could feel people from their cars and on the street just staring at him as he sprinted by, a frazzled fourteen-year-old still wearing his pajamas, clutching his school bag to his side, silver hair sleep-mussed as if he had just rolled out of bed. Well, he kind of had.

As he approached the bus shelter, the bus was already there and loading passengers, and he panicked, picking up his pace even more as he slipped his hand into the front pocket of his satchel where he kept his ID wallet. He made it just in time for the female driver to begin closing the door on him, to which he promptly stuck his arm through, gasping for breath as he gave the driver a pleading look. He must have come out of nowhere, for the driver regarded him with surprise before laughing and opening the door back up, letting him in once she saw his school ID.

_Riku Edenbrook, Freshman Class A, Shinra Academy._ The rest of his personal information was detailed on the back, along with a magnetic stripe for swiping at tellers for food and whatnot. The Shinra family owned half of Atropos, so Shinra students had special privileges, such as free public transportation when everyone else had to pay at least forty munny.

"A bit late there, Mr. Edenbrook," the driver said with an affable grin. He didn't know this woman since he usually had a different driver because of his earlier time, but she seemed reliable enough.

He flashed her his winsome smile and tucked his ID away as he climbed onto the bus, glancing for a seat near the front so he could make a quick exit later. At this hour, the bus was pretty packed—not completely full just yet, but it probably would be in a little while when they got closer to his stop.

Riku took a seat on the right sidelong bench, setting his satchel at his feet to dig out his notepad. When the bus made a sudden lurch forward before pulling away from the shelter, he had a bad feeling about the woman's reliability after all. He'd do his best to study, erratic stops or not. He had a government final to ace and keep his grade up.

Ten minutes passed without incident, the seats around Riku filling as he had expected, and soon people were forced to stand in the aisles and hold the assist straps overhead. He kept his notes up to his face, avoiding eye contact with anyone he possibly knew, focusing solely on his government notes for his last minute cramming.

He still had three pages to cover, the parts he was worried about the most, when his peace was finally shattered. While he could handle the rattling of the bus and the quiet chatter of the people around him, he couldn't ignore the sudden, loud singing of a nearby ringtone.

_Do dodo, do dododododoooo, do dodo, do dododododoooo, do dodo... doDOdodo...!_

Riku slowly lifted his gaze over the edge of his notes, narrowing his eyes at the teenager holding onto the assist strap right above Riku's seat. The guy had fiery red hair pulled back into a ponytail that stuck straight out, and he was wearing the black Shinra uniform, though the neck was unbuttoned low enough to show off skinny, pale clavicles and a hairless, faintly freckled chest. His shouldered backpack was artsy, covered in colorful curlicues and cheap, witty pins like "I'm so great, I'm jealous of myself."

_Oh well do you, do you do you want to?_

The redhead had started to rummage in the front pocket of his backpack to find his cell phone, his face turned downwards to see what he was doing. Riku took that moment to study him, noticing his fine furrowed brows, dark eyeliner around vibrant green eyes, a pointed but attractive nose, full lips pursed in concentration, and a slender, feminine chin.

_  
Oh well do you, do you do you want to..._

He seemed both expressive and eccentric, just at first glance, and Riku knew immediately that this guy was a talker. When the other boy pulled his thin, red cell phone free, Riku dreaded what was coming next.

_...want to go... where I've never let you— _

"Y'ello," the redhead answered as he put the phone to his ear, still holding onto the strap overhead with his other hand. "Hey sexy, whatcha want?"

Riku lifted his eyebrows at the greeting and made it a point to go back to studying, trying to ignore the conversation that was about to ensue hardly two feet away from him. _Government. Must concentrate on government._

"Hehe, no way, it was more like four. Yeah, but I got it done."

Couldn't the guy call back later?

"Ahh... I dunno, I bullshitted. You know how that goes."

Couldn't he _see _Riku trying to study?

"Hell no! I'm not letting your poisonous pink enamel fingernails anywhere _near _my baby, so don't even think about it!"

Didn't he know it was rude to carry private conversations in front of total strangers?

"Pfft. It's too late, anyway. I'm on the bus. Uh-huh. We're almost there."

Riku glanced up again, pointedly glaring at the redhead, who was grinning out the window, listening to whoever was chatting away on the other line. Though it was faint, Riku could hear a girl's high-pitched voice talking animatedly into his ear.

So much for last minute studying on the bus. Sighing loudly, Riku shuffled his notes, trying to focus on the words in front of him, but they kept slipping away with every syllable the redhead easily drawled in his slightly nasal, cloying and candid voice.

Neither of them was expecting what happened next.

With a sudden, loud screech, the bus lurched to an abrupt stop, jerking its passengers roughly in their seats, and the teenager above Riku lost his grip on the hoop and went sprawling on top of Riku, crumpling his notes. The redhead had a split second to catch himself as he landed in Riku's lap, one of his hands still holding the cell phone to his ear, and his other hand...

In Riku's crotch.

Not just _in _Riku's crotch, but _grabbing _it as if it were a bus grip.

Riku's eyes went wide, the redhead's eyes went wide, and they both gaped at each other for that one fleeting moment. Then the bus jerked forward again, startling them out of their shocked expressions.

"WHOA!" the redhead cried, laughing loudly as he pulled his hand back and grabbed the overhead rail, only looking mildly embarrassed now. "Oh my—haha—I'm sorry, man!" Then, to the person on the phone, the guy snapped, "Not _you_, you bitch—I just grabbed some kid's crotch! Call you back!"

Riku, who had turned a fine shade of red, promptly tucked his knees together and held his notes in his lap defensively, still trying to digest what had just happened. At the redhead's loud comment, though, now everyone on the bus was faced towards them, grinning and laughing to each other, and Riku hoped again that he didn't know anyone.

Sinking into his seat, he held his school notes up to his face, hiding from the world. And for the rest of the trip, he didn't read a single highlighted line on the paper, his mind focused instead on the lingering feel of fingers against him. Somewhere above him, he could feel the redhead gauging his reaction.

When the bus pulled into the shelter next to the academy, Riku gathered up his satchel and, avoiding the other teenager's gaze, he hurried to the front as the doors slid open. He leapt down the steps and started to walk quickly towards the nearest building, knowing he had to rush to the first bathroom and change into his uniform so he could make it to his final on time.

But when he was clear of the shelter and the bus had pulled away from it to turn back onto the street, Riku slowed down, feeling a presence at his back. Glancing over his shoulder at last, he spotted the redhead a few feet behind him beginning to turn down a different breezeway to another building.

Their green eyes met then, and Riku felt his heart give an odd shudder as the other boy winked, and those full lips laughed at him.

Shooting him a glare, Riku pointedly looked away and broke into a run.

-o-o-

"Hey Riku!"

He lifted his head just in time to see skinny rainbow sleeves slip over his shoulders as Olette hugged him from behind. With a jolt of surprise, he realized that the warm cushion pressing against his shoulder blades was actually her boobs. When had they gotten so noticeable?

Feeling something uncomfortable clench in his stomach, he hoped his face wasn't pink when turned and pulled out of her embrace to face her. She was just being friendly and probably didn't even realize how a simple act like that could turn a normal boy into a puddle of hormones. Except, Riku realized with certain dread, he hadn't felt anything except awkward.

"Hey," he greeted normally, offering a faint smile.

Though the chipper girl had kept him awake all night to cry about her rabbit, she looked good today. It was after school and they had decided to meet somewhere and relax now that they were all done with finals and had no homework for the next two days until their freshman year of high school ended. They were at their favorite spot—a café situated exactly halfway between both of their homes. They'd begun spending a lot of time here to hang out or do homework. At first, Riku used to come here alone, but now Olette and sometimes Pence tagged along.

Today she was wearing a rainbow-striped sweater that cut off low and bared a line of skin before her low-rise jeans started, giving Riku a perfect view of her smooth, pale stomach and cute belly button. She really had developed a lot over the last year, but Riku had yet to make any moves on her. If he did. He had a feeling it was expected of him, but... she didn't interest him. He didn't know _what _interested him. He found things attractive but not attractive enough to... well, _do_ anything for him.

"So how was the government final?" she asked, curling a hand around the strap to her messenger bag as she took a step back, giving Riku room. He had been waiting outside of the café for only a minute before she had shown up, apparently out of nowhere. "I'm sorry for keeping you up last night," she added, her voice taking on a soft tone, her glossy lips pursing a little.

He hadn't had any classes with her today, so he hadn't had a chance to nag at her about stealing his studying time away from him last night. But now that she was actually here and he had his opportunity, he let it slip away. It wasn't worth it.

"It's okay," he said, tucking a lock of his silver hair back. "And the test wasn't as bad as I had thought it was going to be." He held a bent arm out for her, his smile turning more genuine. "Come on."

Grinning, she hooked her arm with his, and he steered her towards the café entrance, pushing it open and welcoming the rush of coffee and chocolate. It was Spring time and colder drinks were more in style at the moment, but Riku never grew tired of this place, no matter the season. It was his own little sanctuary away from his aunt's house—a place he liked to avoid as often as he could. Though it was technically his home, he'd never considered it a permanent residence for some reason. It always felt like he was still trying to get settled in there, and if he ever did, he'd get whisked away by another unfortunate incident that would throw him onto another relative he disliked.

He and Olette ordered their drinks—and Olette with her added apple crisp cake slice—and they took their usual seats, a set of two high barstools with backs and a matching tall table situated near the back, out of the way, in front of the window that faced the adjacent street.

As Riku poked his straw around his chocolate shake, Olette paused with a small forkful of cake halfway to her lips to speak. "So what are you going to do this summer when you can't rely on school to escape Rena?" she asked.

Count on Olette to always read his mind.

"I don't know," he admitted, keeping his gaze lowered.

"Pence invited me to Besaid Beach with his family," she said, her voice turning thoughtful as if she couldn't figure out why Pence would do that. Riku hadn't been invited, which mean Pence wanted Olette and no Riku there to distract her from paying attention to Pence. Smart move. Beaches were romantic. Go Pence.

"You should go," Riku found himself saying. And not for the first time, he realized that a normal guy would have told her otherwise, that she shouldn't go, because if Pence really did have plans to worm his way into her heart this summer, Riku should have felt defensive or even jealous. Yet he felt no need to win Olette over.

Pence and Olette... they'd make a nice couple.

"I'm still thinking about it," she said, and something about her tone had changed, a hint of disappointment there. Maybe she had been expecting Riku to fight for her, too. "Didn't you used to live around there?"

This made Riku blink and look up. "Besaid Beach?" he asked.

Her question triggered a small wave of nostalgia through him, faces of his past floating to the forefront of his mind, scenes of the beach and the old seawall and the worn cobblestone road, and also the memory of a promise—a promise he still hadn't forgotten, but now wondered of the significance.

_"Don't you dare kiss any boys except me!"_

A small, fond smile pulled across his lips, and he nodded at Olette. "Yeah, it's pretty close. A little more south, though."

Whether or not Olette noticed the look on his face, she giggled. "That's cool. I've never been over there," she said. "Just the main lands. It was a series of islands, right? What was it called?"

Riku's fingers curled around his straw again, lightly twisting it in its chocolate prison as he thought back to his childhood days where every day had been an adventure, a warm light always hanging over his shoulder and smiling down at him, even when it had rained, because his best friend had always been bright as if he'd carried the sun itself in his sand-dirtied pockets.

"Destiny," he said, his smile spreading. "It was Destiny."

-o-o-

The day before school ended, Riku broke the freshman track record for the 200 meter dash. During the 25.41 seconds he had been sprinting, Riku had thought about four clear things: he would probably be bumped from the top of the student ranking because of his government test he had surely failed; he was going to spend the long, boring summer stuck at home with his aunt; Olette's breasts had felt weird against his back and would feel weirder in his hands; he had really liked the feel of that boy's hand between his legs.

In the locker room after class, he found himself being repeatedly clapped on the back by his classmates, and a bare-chested, sweaty Denzel even pounced on his back with a strange hug to congratulate him. As the tan-skinned boy talked about how he was glad that Nida hadn't kept the freshman record this year, Riku hardly paid attention to the other boy's words, his mind honing in on how Denzel's hard body felt against his. Much different from Olette's softer form.

Heat filtered through him, spreading to his cheeks and gathering inside his gut, threatening to put him in an incriminating situation if he didn't distract himself from it first. Oh _God_—why here and now and when he was wearing _track _shorts?

Riku stammered as he thanked Denzel, his voice thankfully sounding more shy than anxious, and he breathed a sigh of relief when Denzel backed away, flashing him a happy grin. Usually the other boy was quieter than the others, so Riku was surprised he had even been approached by him.

When Riku started to return the grin, he noticed the flush on Denzel's cheeks and wondered if the color had to do with the heat in the room, the excitement, or _him_.

Suddenly aware of all of the boys around him—the basketball players showering nearby, some wandering into the locker area wearing only towels, the martial arts students just arriving and pulling off their uniforms, the other track students teasing and picking on each other in their various states of undress—Riku's eyes picked up on everything. Sculpted abs, toned thighs, firm biceps, the teasing pelvic line and hip bones, flushed cheeks and sweaty necks and chests and backs and tousled hair. The gathering steam in the room, dampening Riku's hair and clinging to his skin, wasn't the only thing that was making Riku feel feverish.

Kou Leifoh, the Tae Kwon Do guy, passed right by him with a towel hanging loosely around his hips, and his arm brushed Riku's, sending a shock through his body, making him _too _aware of the things around him. Riku gave a small jerk of surprise at the feeling, his breath catching, and this caught Kou's attention, who paused to glance back at him, lifting an eyebrow and giving him a subtle smirk. Riku's damp lashes flickered as he turned his gaze away, but not before his eyes disobeyed him and briefly scanned Kou's backside, noticing a black tribal tattoo leading from the small of his back downward, disappearing beneath the white towel.

Swallowing thickly, Riku wet his lips and turned away, closing his eyes and feeling the room spin around him.

"You okay, Riku?" he heard Denzel asking.

_No._

Masculine and boyish voices swirled through the humid air, surrounding him, filling him, most of their words indistinguishable.

_I'm **not **gay._

"Haha, yeah, did you see Rikku today?"

The sound of his name jerked him out of his stupor, his eyes snapping open and focusing on a group of basketball players nearby, his heart beginning to race as he listened.

"Dude! _Mm_, now _that _is hot."

Riku found himself staring at the group of boys, his mouth opened partially as he tried to piece together what he was hearing. One of them noticed his gaping and nudged the boy next to him, nodding towards Riku with a laugh.

"Edenbrook looks a little jealous there."

The basketball player who had mentioned Riku's first name also looked towards him. "Rikku Tschirhart, man, is out of your league," he snorted. "Rikku and Riku. Wouldn't it be _weird _having sex with her and calling your own name?"

Riku closed his mouth, eyes narrowing as he realized they were talking about the _other _Rikku.

He mentally cringed at the thought of himself in bed with Rikku Tschirhart, the bouncy blonde cheerleader who somehow managed to remain just one spot below him in the student rankings. She may be ditzy, but the girl had brains. And after Riku's government test, Rikku was likely to steal his place as first in their class. The thought of having sex with her made him queasy, especially here.

"Whatever," he snapped, turning away just as the basketball player started to make humping motions and cried out in a high-pitched voice that _totally _didn't sound anything like Riku—

"_Ooohh_, Reeekku!"

_Assholes._

-o-o-

_1. Edenbrook, Riku_

_2. Trepe, Quistis_

_3. Tschirhart, Rikku_

Riku hadn't lost his place after all.

Staring up at the bulletin, he smiled to himself, remembering just earlier that day when he had gotten his government final back. Only one question had been wrong, but there had been a curve so he'd gotten a perfect score anyway.

His last day as a freshman had ended well.

Scanning the lengthy list of first-year students, he searched for another familiar name.

_32. Penber, Olette_

In junior high, Olette had been in the top ten. She was slipping, and Riku's aunt would begin questioning Riku's casual friendship with the girl. According to Rena, friends were influences, and if those influences weren't perfect, Riku would be soiled.

He hated living with that woman. He was her prized little bird, a delicate thing that couldn't think for himself except when he excelled, and had to have his life dictated for him or he'd end up like his parents had—wild fires blossoming into a conflagration of greatness, only to plunge flame-first into the ocean, snuffed out. If only they hadn't died...

Summer had come again, and all he wanted to do was break away. Where other students found freedom from school, he found a cold, hollow cage. He'd never had his aunt's love. He had her guilt. All because his aunt hadn't been able to stop his father from ruining his life by running off with his mother to Destiny Islands.

As he turned away from the bulletin to head _home_, he wondered if he really would have to sacrifice friends for the perfection she wanted from him, and if that loneliness would even be worth his aunt's satisfaction.

He received his answer when he walked through the front door. He had been hoping to make it to his bedroom or at least the stairs before she realized he was home, but as the door shut behind him, he glanced up and saw her descending the staircase from the left gallery. Her blonde hair was neatly pulled up, making her seem erudite.

"Your grades?" was her form of greeting as she paused on the last stair. Not, _"Welcome home," _or _"How was your last day of school?"_

Adjusting his satchel on his shoulder, he slowly turned his gaze away and made his way forward to the right staircase, wondering if he could still make a quick escape. "Perfect scores in all of my classes," he replied. "I'm still first on the student ranking for my grade."

He didn't look at her to measure her reaction, but if the content hum he heard from her was any indication, at least he wouldn't have to spend his entire summer listening to her insinuate he _could _have been perfect, _could _have studied more, _could _have spent less time with that Penber girl and her overweight friend, that they had surely soiled his excellence.

She asked no more questions, thank goodness, though he had a feeling he'd be drilled about other student rankings later, including his 'acquaintances.' The ones who influenced him, who had the potential to _taint _him. He wished someone would hurry up and do it already. He wanted to be dirtied.

Escaping to his room, he tossed his satchel onto the floor as he unbuttoned his uniform, kicked off his shoes, and flopped onto his bed, letting out a long, exhausted sigh. Even his ceiling felt unfamiliar, though he had spent the last six years tracing invisible maps out of the blemishes in the polished wood grain.

As he turned onto his side to get comfortable, his eyes landed on a tiny picture frame on his nightstand, one of those cheap plastic souvenir shop things that had remained in his life since his childhood. The picture was old, about seven or eight years ago, but still one of his favorites.

It was of him and his best friend on the beach where he had used to live. The day had been cloudless and hot, and his mother had dressed him in her usual eccentric style, giving him clothes that made him seem more like a girl than a boy. That afternoon, Riku had worn a yellow halter top tied in a loopy bow behind him, a girly yellow sun hat to protect his face, and short blue swimming shorts. He seemed tame in comparison to the boy next to him, who wore baggy beach shorts and no shirt, showing off his boyish pudge. Riku remembered that wild brown hair and those vivid blue eyes perfectly. He could almost still hear his laughter.

Riku had been smaller, both thinner and shorter, than his best friend at the time, whose sun-tanned body made him seem so frail in comparison, even though Riku had been the older of the two.

Studying the picture, Riku smiled at their young faces. He and his friend were standing in the low tide, Riku holding onto his sun hat and gaping at his friend as the sand-covered, shirtless boy poked at a dead man-o-war with a stick.

Sora.

Sora, with his crazy adventure ideas and his never ending fascination with getting dirty or physical, would be thirteen by now, or somewhere around there. Riku had always admired his freedom. He probably still had it even now.

Closing his eyes, still faintly smiling, Riku pictured the younger boy in his head, wondering if by now he had managed to tame those crazy spiky locks of his, wondering if his eyes were as bright of a blue as Riku remembered—beach ball blue, he remembered calling them one time. He also wondered if Sora had grown out of his boyish pudge, wondered what puberty was doing to him like what it had done to Riku—how much deeper his voice had gotten, how much taller than Riku he still was, how much muscle he had gained. He was probably really masculine now. Sora had always been so active that Riku could easily picture him with a body like Kou Leifoh's, the Tae Kwon Do kid, with those sharp hips and round ass...

Feeling a familiar stir in his groin, Riku abruptly cut his thoughts short, realizing his cheeks weren't the only thing that had grown warm.

Annoyed with himself—and scared—that he'd been thinking about other guys again, he rolled onto his other side, blocking the images out of his mind. He needed to stop. He needed to breathe and think like a normal boy. He couldn't be gay. He couldn't.

He _wasn't_.

-o-o-

A secret part of him had always known he was, but he had spent most of his life denying it. On one hand, it meant he'd never be perfect in his aunt's eyes. On the other hand, it would mean he was perfectly tainted already.

-o-o-

Warmth licked up his body at the pressure against his dick, sending jolts of pleasure right through him. His world spun, tendrils of heat curling and bundling inside of him, making him gasp and push mindlessly forward for more, seeking more direct attention there. Even the slightest friction sent nice shivers up his spine, the pleasure sharp and quick, flirting with him, giving a taste of what he really wanted. He spread his legs, grinding against that surface, trying to feel more, desperate for the experience and for the attention.

His mattress, unfortunately, was a frigid lover.

He woke from the half-dream with a disappointed groan, slumping forward onto his stomach and relaxing against the cool sheets, feeling his aggravating arousal throbbing under him.

"Not _again_..." he grumbled into his pillow.

This was the fourth or so time that he'd waken up this summer to a dream like that. While he had the frequent morning wood, this was different and had only started recently—no subject, no fantasy, just the stimulation and the want for pleasure. They couldn't even be considered wet dreams without a _fantasy_, could they? At least then it wouldn't be as embarrassing and he'd have more material to daydream about later.

Working a hand under himself, he slipped it into his pajama pants and pushed his briefs down—aunt wouldn't let him have boxers, the bitch—enough to free himself of the tented prison.

It was a routine by now, almost a morning ritual, relieving teenage tension—if one could call it _tension_ when he had to wipe it up when he was done.

-o-o-

That summer, Riku had a special white towel he kept at his bedside at all times. When it was being cleaned, he substituted it with another.

-o-o-

_BVVVVT BVVVVT._

"Rrgh..."

BRRRT— 

**Olette calling.**

_Snap. _"Hello?"

"Hey, Riku."

"Hey."

"Heehee, your voice squeaked. Were you sleeping?"

"Kind of... How's Besaid Beach?"

"Huh? Oh... great. Um... I wanted to ask you something."

"...okay. What is it?"

"Um... it's about Pence."

_Here it comes. He kissed her or something, didn't he? _

"Pence?"

"Y-Yeah... I... I think I really like him."

_Oh. _

"Oh. Well. Isn't that good?"

"I-I don't know how to tell him."

_Why does she always come to me with her problems..._

"Just tell him what you feel. He'll get it."

_He'll probably cream his pants._

"But... what if it makes the trip awkward?"

"It won't."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"...a-alright... Thanks, Riku... How's your summer been so far?"

_Long. Boring. Lonely. I think I might be gay. _

"...okay, I guess."

"You're lying."

"Yeah. It sucks."

"Oh. I'm sorry. Oh—! Pence is here. Um—um—! I'll call you back later, bye!"

_Click._

Sigh.

"Bye..."

Olette and Pence. They'd make a good couple.

_I didn't like her boobs anyway._

It wasn't until Riku looked at his alarm clock that he realized he had turned fifteen thirty-two minutes ago.

No one remembered. He wasn't sure he cared.

-o-o-

Deep down, he actually did.

-o-o-

When the end of summer neared, Riku had mixed feelings. Any other time, he'd be eager to begin school again just to have the opportunity to escape his aunt for eight hours a day. But now...

With Olette occupied with her new boyfriend for the remainder of the summer, Riku had been practically forgotten. Olette had tried a few times to keep in contact with him, but after he had given her short, disinterested replies about her trip with Pence, her first date with Pence, and then her first kiss with Pence, she had eventually given up on talking to him about her budding romance. He only blamed himself.

So when he started the new semester, fresh of fifteen years and now a sophomore, number one in his class, Riku had no friends. He had no memories from his summer to share with anyone had anyone been interested—well, except for how sinfully great his silk sheets felt against his bare thighs when he was jacking off. But he doubted Quistis Trepe or Rikku Tschirhart would be interested in that tidbit.

He'd spent all summer cooped up in the gym avoiding his aunt, doing laps around the pool and pretending he couldn't hear her when she came to talk to him, or in the music room with his "devil's music" playing loud just to keep her away. And when he hadn't been at home, he'd walked the streets, had gone to the bookstore to read amongst the silence, or had taken the bus to the café just to watch people.

After three months of solitude, he felt changed. Foreign.

When he had tried on his uniform, he had found it too small for him—the arms were slightly too short, a little tight around his biceps, and even his pants had gotten a little high-water. And when summer had started, his hair had come to his shoulders, but now it felt like it was everywhere, getting in his face, the corners of his mouth, catching on his clothes.

He'd changed so much. Would anyone even recognize him when he walked into the classroom next week?

-o-o-

As soon as he stepped off the bus, he felt the stares.

At first he minded his own business, determined to make it to the main office to pick up his official schedule with ample time left over to find his classes, but then he began to catch onto what was happening around him.

He noticed how people kept turning to look at him, he noticed when friends leaned towards each other to whisper and discreetly watch him, he noticed as girls caught his eye and quickly looked away and blushed and giggled, he noticed how other guys glanced at him only to glance back and do a subtle double-take, and he definitely noticed when a few—then more than a few—then _a lot_ of people waved and greeted him, sometimes by name, as he passed through the crowd.

He felt like the world was watching him, which was more than a little disconcerting. Did he have something on his face? Toilet paper stuck to his shoe? A hole in his new pants?

Ducking his face, letting his long bangs shield his eyes, he kept his gaze in front of him, feeling and knowing that he was being examined and talked about. He'd hardly been at school for ten minutes, and already his sophomore year was looking to be strange. Even the lady who handed him his schedule seemed overly friendly.

Yet, when he got to his first class, no one wanted to sit next to him, and he heard whispers at his back all period. By the end of the hour, he was beginning to think he was being paranoid, that maybe they weren't talking about him after all.

His second class was something called "Introduction to Professional Ethics," and though he had a vague idea of what ethics were, professional ethics sounded like a whole new level of challenging. His aunt had made him sign up for upper-level division courses, and this one was for seniors. Not only would he stand out even more, he'd also work a lot harder than other students his age. At least it was lecture-based, which meant he could hide in the back.

The room, which was small in comparison to the large lecture halls that could hold almost two hundred students, had stadium seating curved in a semi-circle, and it was only a quarter full by the time Riku got there. With a quick count of the rows, Riku figured that this place could hold about sixty people. Ethics was a required class for graduation, but with Shinra's high expectations (and therefore high withdrawal rate for upperclassmen who could make decisions without their families' say), it was likely that only forty or so would have signed up for this semester.

Avoiding eye contact with anyone, he turned right from the doorway and headed up the low stairs to find one of the vacant seats in the back where he could take notes without being distracted by whispers and stares. He had climbed the third step without looking when he felt his foot catch on something.

He felt a split second of weightlessness as his momentum carried him forward, and then he hit the carpeted stairs with a small crash. In the next moment as his senses returned to him, the first thing he heard was laughter. It was about that time that his brain caught up with the news and he realized he had just fallen on his face. In front of a bunch of seniors.

"Whoa—!"

Over the sound of chuckling, Riku heard the surprised voice next to him, and for some reason he pictured vibrant green eyes and fiery red hair. He was in for a shock when he raised his face and saw exactly that, that and laughing, full lips. He knew that face.

"I'm sorry, man—you okay?"

A hand—_the _hand—reached out to help him up. Without thinking, Riku shoved the arm away, blushing, remembering the _last_ time that hand had gotten anywhere near him. He picked himself up, avoiding the redhead's face. _The _redhead, the one who had accidentally groped him on the bus. A few months had passed since then, but Riku still remembered the details perfectly like it had happened just yesterday. The pressure of those fingers, the warmth of his palm, the surprise in those eyes.

"Hey—sorry, _sor_ry. Didn't mean to em_bar_rass you," the redhead said, lifting his hands in surrender. As Riku glanced at him, maybe even to apologize for being rude, he saw the other boy studying him closely, one red brow furrowed as he asked, "Hey—do I know you?"

_Shit! I hope he doesn't recognize me._

"N-No," Riku stammered, knowing full well how obvious that had just sounded. Before the other boy could get in another word, Riku hurried up the rest of the steps to reach the back row, knowing he was being watched the whole time. He dumped his satchel onto the desktop and slumped into a seat, waiting a full minute before risking a look back at the redhead.

He was still watching him, and when he met Riku's eyes, he gave a little grin and waved before turning to the boy next to him to talk, obviously about him. Riku's cheeks felt flushed. The redhead nudged his friend, a boy with sandy blonde hair styled into spikes and a slight mullet, who also glanced at Riku. Then they both turned around and talked until class started, and Riku sat there the entire time with his heart racing a little, wondering what the heck they were saying about him. Had he told his friend about the accident on the bus?

_God, now the whole school will know!_

Feeling sick to his stomach, Riku had a hard time keeping his eyes from wandering over to the redhead, even when the professor entered the classroom and introduced herself. Professor Kramer. Riku'd had a Professor Kramer last semester, his government teacher, except that one had been a slightly balding, overweight man. This woman was tall and elegant even in a plain black skirt and white blouse, her long black hair pulled behind her shoulders but kept loose. She had a very motherly air about her, especially as she called roll and took special care to pronounce everyone's name correctly.

"Croft, Axel?"

"Yo!" the redhead called, and Riku's eyes focused on him as he lazily lifted a hand to greet the professor.

_Axel Croft_, Riku recited, memorizing it. He'd never heard of him before...

A few names later, "Edenbrook, Riku," was called, and Riku found himself raising his arm without hesitation. Professor Kramer studied him, her smile spreading slightly in approval, before she nodded and moved on down the list. When Riku turned his gaze a way, he noticed Axel was also looking at him, as if memorizing his name in return.

The only other person who caught Riku's attention was the boy who sat next to Axel, a "_Kale, Demyx_," whose voice was slightly nasal and reminiscent of Axel's, but more mousy, not as... cocky.

Riku only paid half attention to Professor Kramer as she went over the syllabus, most of his focus going towards glaring at Axel every time the redhead turned to glance at him, which was often.

After class, Riku was eager to escape to lunch, hoping to find Olette to help take his mind off his weird morning. But even when he took the stairs opposite of Axel's position, Riku wasn't surprised when Axel went out of his way to stop him from leaving.

"Hey—Riku—yeah, Riku—wait a sec—"

Sighing, Riku paused before reaching the door, letting Axel and Demyx catch up to him. Axel still had his artsy backpack from the bus incident, and his friend was carrying a guitar case covered in quarter-machine stickers.

"Meet you outside," Demyx said, and then shot Riku a friendly grin before leaving. He seemed nice enough, and he was pretty cute up close.

Geh.

He mentally slapped himself for doing it again. _Stop thinking about guys like that. _

Meanwhile, Axel had slowly approached Riku, a smirk in place, his eyes narrowed. He had one hand on his hip as he tapped his chin with his other, humming loudly as he purposely raked his gaze down Riku's slender figure as if to dissect him. "I _think_ I know where I know you from," he announced, giving the sophomore a sidelong look as he circled him.

_Oh great, here we go. _Riku watched him, silent, his stomach twisting.

Axel paused at his side and suddenly pointed, finger almost touching Riku's nose, and he grinned proudly. "The pizza shop!"

Backing away from the finger, Riku gave Axel a perplexed look, wondering if he was being serious or not. Still, a hint of relief filtered through him. "...no," he said, lifting a hand to brush Axel's aside, not appreciating the pointing.

Axel then crossed his arms, still smirking. "Damn," he said, not sounding disappointed at all. "I thought I had it." In fact, he sounded pretty damn knowing.

That was when Riku realized that Axel was just messing with him, that Axel _knew _where he knew Riku from, and was playing. Rolling his eyes, Riku turned to leave, but not before a sweet voice called out to him.

"Mr. Edenbrook, I would like to talk to you."

So much for his escape. He lifted his gaze as Axel passed him, winking as he pushed open the door, and then disappeared. He had a feeling that he'd be seeing a lot more of that guy, inside of class and out, and he wasn't sure how he felt about that.

The professor was regarding him with a patient but careful look, and he nodded at her request, crossing the room to her. "Yes, Professor Kramer?" he asked, keeping his tone straightforward.

She folded her hands in front of her, her dark eyes leveled on his. "Are you sure you're capable of being in this course so early?" she asked. It wasn't said degradingly, or confrontationally, or even curiously. Professionally.

"Yes," he answered without hesitation. Besides, his aunt would hurt him if he tried anything easier. "I'm more than capable."

She studied him for a moment more before nodding, extending a hand. "Well, Mr. Edenbrook, welcome to Professional Ethics," she said. And as he took her hand and she shook it, she continued, "My husband has said a lot of positive things about you." Riku blinked, confused for a second, until he connected the two Kramers and realized they were married. She must have seen the look on his face because she gave a soft laugh, amused, as she loosened her grip. "For being such a bright student," she said, "that certainly took you a moment to piece together."

Blushing, Riku pulled his hand out of hers. "S-Sorry, it's been a bit of weird day." Not only that, but his government professor totally didn't seem like the type to get married to an attractive woman like her. Had it been a marriage of convenience, brains, or actual attraction? What an unlikely couple.

"Well," she smiled, "I look forward to having you in class for the rest of the semester."

"I look forward to learning," he replied, but it felt mechanical, unlike him. His mind was preoccupied. As Riku left the classroom, he felt an uneasy feeling building inside of him as he thought about the Kramers, wondering if Aunt Rena had thought the same thing about his mother when his father had run off to marry her. He didn't want to judge people or couples based on their looks or brains. He didn't want to be like his aunt.

After all, if Rena had her way, _he _would be dating someone like Quistis Trepe. From then on, Riku made it a point not to judge people as critically.

-o-o-

Riku couldn't find Olette or Pence during lunch and wound up eating outside, by himself, where hardly anyone could stare at him or whisper or giggle behind their hands.

He idly wondered where Axel and Demyx ate lunch, and if their choice of food was any different from his, or as peculiar as their hair.

-o-o-

His English class for this semester was something called Critical Approaches to Mythology, also an upper-level course, but this one he was eager about. Though he knew it'd have nothing to contribute to his future professional life, and though his aunt had scowled at the course name, it had reminded Riku of his childhood adventures with Sora and the way Sora's mother had sometimes made stories up for them about mermaids and lost treasure, and so Riku had fought to keep this class on his schedule.

And when Riku's professor walked into the room, he knew immediately that this was going to be an excellent class. The man was _pretty_, and not in a feminine way—just the way his face was structured, it was almost feline, his skin moon-pale and his eyes a soft golden brown. His hair, fluffy and downy, fell to his shoulder blades, and was the coolest shade of royal or denim blue Riku had ever seen. His bangs hung in his face, covering the bridge of his nose where Riku saw scarring, and his mind immediately began formulating stories about those scars—wild animal? Accident? Self-inflicted? Whatever it was, it was a story Riku wanted to know.

When the man introduced himself as Professor Saïx DeLuna, he did so in a calm, soothing voice that had a dangerous lilt to it as if he'd bite off the head of the first student who fell asleep in his class. Riku found himself internally grinning at that, and then went on studying how Professor DeLuna's muscles moved under his dress shirt, hinting at silent strength and well defined muscle. Though he wore a simple white dress shirt and black slacks, with slender black lace for a necktie, he seemed like he should be wearing something more refined.

He hardly realized he was staring, like his mind had suddenly gone numb as soon as his professor had walked in. The last time he had come anywhere near ogling someone like this had been right before Axel had accidentally grabbed his dick.

His mind snapping out of its little stupor, Riku felt his cheeks coloring as he looked away and breathing deeply as he tried to gather his loose thoughts. He was glad he had decided to sit in the front for this class, despite the stares and whispers at his back. Now he got to see this professor up close.

It didn't even occur to Riku until after class that he had been ogling a _man _for over an hour. By then, it hardly seemed to matter. As long as it was look-don't-touch, what harm could it bring?

-o-o-

It was first day back in track shorts in public since before summer, and Riku felt self conscious. He could feel people's stares branding into him, tracing his developing body, eyeing his firm thighs, mentally loving the line of skin he showed whenever he used his shirt to wipe sweat from his forehead.

And after class, when the team was filing into the locker room at the same time as the other classes meeting at that time, Riku knew he wasn't imagining the hand that kept purposely brushing the bare skin of his thigh. In the rush of people, he couldn't see who was doing it. Riku wasn't sure he wanted to know.

-o-o-

The bus ride home was packed, people squished together on benches, some unfortunates standing two hands to every assist strap, back to back, overcrowded and uncomfortable. Riku, as one of those unfortunates having to stand in the aisle, knew from the start that he was going to have to take a later bus home or deal with this every day.

The person behind him was _right _behind him, as in pressed flush against his backside as if they had no room to move, though Riku was pretty sure there was more space than that. Trying not to feel too uncomfortable, Riku tried to shift away from the man, his grip tightening on the assist strap.

His heart began to race when he felt the stranger behind him press even closer. Riku stiffened, his instincts telling him to pull away again, only he had no where to go, someone else's back in front of him.

When he felt the stranger's hand loosen from the assist strap he'd been sharing with Riku, Riku held his breath, biting into his lip as the hand slowly skimmed down his arm, so natural and easy that no one even noticed. No one except Riku, who felt the man's other hand pushing in between his legs, caressing his inner thighs and upwards, making Riku's eyes widen in shock.

Heart pounding now, Riku felt his cheeks coloring, and he immediately tried to close his legs, balance be damned, but the man's knee was already between his, keeping them opened. Riku swallowed hard as the caresses grew more shameless, outright aggressive, the first hand skimming down his side, cupping his hip and pulling his ass firmly against the guy's huge erection, as the other hand squeezed upward and stroked the underside of Riku's crotch before sliding to the front to undo his fly.

Mentally panicking, Riku tried to jerk away from the guy without anyone else noticing, but he bumped into the man in front of him, who shot a glare back at him, and he stammered out a quick, nervous, "S-S-Sorry!"

The sound of his voice made the pervert behind him hesitate, but when Riku made no further move to fight back, the groping continued, fingers sliding into Riku's open pants to touch him through his underwear.

That's when Riku felt the breath against his neck, a low, husky voice whispering into his ear. "A briefs boy, huh? They get cuter every year..."

Riku squeezed his eyes shut, heart hammering, unable to believe this was happening to him. He wanted to scream and kick the guy in the balls, but the fear of someone he knew seeing him like this—that was more terrifying, more embarrassing, and—he couldn't just _let him_...

Riku sucked in a shaky breath, clenching his jaw, feeling tears sting his eyes. He couldn't let the pervert win, but he couldn't draw attention to himself, either.

Cracking his eyes open, he made a quick move, grabbing for the nearest stop signal, triggering it before the man could stop him. The _ding_ and the yellow light went off, signaling his freedom, even though he was still so far from home, even though no one else was getting off. If the pervert followed...

"Tsk, pretty wants to run, does it?"

Riku bit down on his lip, gathering his courage. Bringing his foot up, he slammed it downward, digging his school shoe's heel into the man's toes, earning a small cry of pain and his dick's freedom, just as the bus rolled to a stop to let him off. Riku swung his satchel down in front of his open pants as he pulled away from the pervert and maneuvered through the mass of people to the open door of the middle of the bus, hopping down the steps to his escape.

The doors shut behind him with a hiss, and the bus began to roll away. No one had followed him.

Relieved, Riku relaxed, but only as much as his nerves and erection would let him. He found the first secluded area he could find—the empty bus shelter—and righted his clothes before he slumped, trembling, onto the cold bench, and began to cry.

-o-o-

The next day, Riku told his aunt that he wanted to be driven to school. Though she was shocked at the abruptness of the request, considering Riku had never accepted her offers before, she arranged her driver to accommodate Riku as well.

Riku figured that anything was better than riding the bus again.

-o-o-

Axel quickly fell into the habit of visiting Riku in the back of the classroom to talk to him before class, while Demyx occasionally glanced at them, amused by Axel's antics. He seemed used to them, which told Riku that those two had been friends a while.

"Edenbrook, your name's pretty popular," Axel was saying, purposely lounging a bit close against the desk's edge, his thigh touching Riku's arm. "You're first in your class."

"Yeah," Riku said, sounding distracted. And he was. By Axel's thigh. Axel's pants seemed a bit too tight for him, a little like girl's jeans, actually. Wait—_were _they girl's jeans? ...they looked really good on him.

"Heard you beat the freshman track record last year," the redhead continued conversationally.

Ah. Track.

The reminder pulled Riku back to the present, his tone turning guarded. "Yeah."

"Going to keep up with that?" Axel asked, and Riku could _hear _his grin. Axel was always grinning, like he found Riku incredibly amusing no matter how many times he tried to annoy him.

It didn't help that Riku didn't discourage it, either. In a lot of ways, he liked the attention. And a large part of him liked Axel and his unconventional behavior, despite how uncomfortable he made him feel sometimes. Riku wasn't used to near-strangers being so interested in him, and Axel was... _strange_. Riku liked it.

"I quit," he told the redhead. He _had_ quit, knowing he wouldn't last another year in those track shorts, especially if those caresses along his thighs might turn into something more, like what had happened on the bus.

Axel didn't seem surprised. For some reason, he never seemed surprised. "Why?" he asked, lowering a hand to grip the desk edge, his wrist against Riku's arm. The casual, subtle contact sent a little flutter through Riku's gut. Axel's wrist was warm, bony, his skin not quite as soft as Olette's. Riku found himself wondering if Axel's fingers were callused or would feel rough like the bus pervert's had.

"Dunno..." Riku said, trying to sound bored, not attracted, definitely not attracted. (Damn it, he knew he was.) A part of him was mulling the question over in his mind, floundering for the real reasons he had just quit track.

_Running fast won't help me when a pervert has his hand shoved down my pants._

_I was beginning to like the guys on my track team a bit too much..._

_I don't want to be perfect._

"Taking any sports now?" Axel asked, cutting through his thoughts.

"Self defense," Riku replied. He hadn't been to it yet, but he knew the teacher was a woman, not likely to distract him or put him in an embarrassing situation, as sad as that was to admit.

"Ohh, sounds fun."

That last statement was said in a tone that sounded too interested. Riku lifted his gaze to Axel's, narrowing his eyes in suspicion. "Did you go around asking people about me?"

Axel seemed pleased that he had made Riku ask that. "Well—" he said, crossing his arms and looking up at the ceiling, pretending to be thoughtful, "_sorta_, but I didn't have to do much asking, honestly." He lowered his face back to meet Riku's eyes, smirking.

That hadn't been what Riku had been expecting. "What's _that_ supposed to mean?" he asked, not meaning to sound as alarmed as he probably did.

"Like I said," Axel laughed, leaning forward as he lowered his voice, bringing his face right up to Riku's, "your name's pretty popular."

Not wanting to let Axel know how much his proximity affected Riku, Riku tried to stifle the urge to pull away from Axel's close face. He kept his gaze level with the other boy's, though they were blurry this up close, and he could feel Axel's breath brush against his lips, mingling with his own. It made another little layer of Riku's protective shell melt away. What would it feel like to kiss him? What would he taste like? Axel wasn't just teasing, was he? Riku didn't know what to think with all of these mixed signals.

Swallowing against his dry throat, Riku finally pulled his face away, realizing how fast his heart had begun beating, how hard it had gotten to breathe.

"So," Axel said cheerfully, not sounding affected at all, "can I copy off your tests this semester?"

Riku's head whipped around, the spell broken, and he glared at the redhead. "_Quit_ stalking me," he snapped, and then promptly shoved at Axel's side, trying to remove him from his desktop. Axel's body was firm and skinny under his uniform top, and also unyielding. But Axel got the hint.

Pushing away from Riku's desk space, he grinned, unfolding his arms. "I'll quit stalking you when you quit fantasizing about my rose garden, Mademoiselle Belle."

It was said playfully, but as Axel turned away to head to his own seat, Riku gaped after him, wondering if he really was that obvious about his staring.

-o-o-

Before Riku reached the lunch line, he heard someone unfamiliar call his name.

He turned, letting Pence and Olette pass him to get their lunches, and he spotted Denzel working his way through the crowd towards him. When Riku'd had that one day of track, he remembered he had eyed how much Denzel had grown over the summer, how nice he looked in his track clothes. Then he had realized that that was probably how the others had been eyeing _him _as well.

"Riku—" Denzel said as he caught up to him, his voice much deeper than it had been last semester, "why did you quit track?"

Riku had an answer, he really did, but as he opened his mouth to speak, he met Denzel's gaze and faltered. His steel blue eyes were focused on Riku's, troubled, questioning. He'd obviously been really disappointed when Riku had switched to self defense.

"I... I'm sorry," he said, knowing how lame it sounded. "I just... felt like I had to."

Denzel's auburn hair slipped forward into his eyes as he bowed his head, contemplating Riku's words, and gave a small nod. "Well..." He lifted his face, mustering a small smile. "I wish you were still in it."

Riku sensed unspoken words, but he didn't push Denzel. Instead, he offered a smile back, a silent thank you.

When he saw the faint redness to Denzel's cheeks, Riku thought he knew who had been touching his leg that first day of school.

-o-o-

Pence and Olette seemed to share everything, even their lunches. When Olette would only eat half of her sandwich, Pence would polish it off on top of his own lunch. They also shared private moments that Riku didn't understand. Those lingering looks, soft smiles, and the giggles where Riku found nothing funny. He was beginning to think he preferred eating alone after all.

-o-o-

At the start of Riku's second week in self defense class, Instructor Leann Caldwell announced a new student.

Axel had his red hair tied back like the first time Riku had seen him. He admittedly looked good in the black muscle shirt he wore, despite his lack of muscle, the low bow of the shirt showing off those clavicles that Riku had eyed months ago on the bus, faintly freckled, skinny. He was tall and lanky, more bone and skin than defined curves, though the clinginess of his shirt did hint at more physique than Riku could see. His sweatpants, however, did nothing to hide the slenderness of his waist, the elastic barely clinging to his sharp hip bones.

When Riku finally did meet Axel's eyes, he knew he was blushing like a fool again, and Axel had a smirk ready for him. Riku wasn't sure how he was going to survive the semester _now_ with the redhead in his class, volunteering to partner off with him, all of that close contact, and Axel's voice lowering in a sultry, secretive way to speak into his ear when it seemed like no one was looking.

"I know what you're thinking..." he whispered, a hint of playfulness there, "and you should be _ashamed_ of yourself."

Riku couldn't hold back a smile at that.

-o-o-

Being driven to school wasn't as bad as he thought it would be.

He sat slouched in the comfortable leather back seat, arm propped against the door, and stared dazedly out the window, watching the people and other cars on the street, wondering where they were all going and what they were thinking at this very moment.

Occasionally, Riku would glance up and catch sight of dark eyes watching him in the rearview mirror. His driver seemed to watch him more than he did the road. Unsettled, Riku just returned his gaze to outside, trying to ignore the creeping sensation he felt whenever he knew someone was studying his body.

Sometimes, at moments like this, he wondered if he should risk taking the bus again.

-o-o-

It was the third or so week of school and autumn was beginning to creep in, already bringing cooler weather. Riku had settled into his routines again, had started getting used to Axel's strange style of flirting, and had adjusted to the difficulty of his classes.

Riku still frequented the café by himself, sometimes with Pence and Olette when they weren't busy, but never Pence _or _Olette. They never seemed to want to spend time alone with him, one without the other. That was fine.

The quiet afternoons were nice, he thought.

Until Axel found him.

Riku was sitting at his usual spot in the high bar stool near the back of the café when he heard the blender go off and the telltale crunch of ice and wondered who would be ordering iced coffee when it was chilly outside. Riku glanced up and spotted a jagged red ponytail under an army green beret, and the familiar lankiness of Axel's backside, even though Axel was wearing green cargos and a long black t-shirt, not his school uniform.

At first Riku wondered if Axel had followed him here, but after observing the other boy, it seemed Axel hadn't seen him yet. The redhead was alone, though, which made Riku think he might have been on his way to meet with Demyx or one of his other friends. Before Riku knew what he was doing, he had opened his mouth and raised his voice.

"Axel!"

The pale face turned, green eyes scanning the café before catching sight of Riku sitting there. His first expression was confusion, then surprise, before he finally broke into a grin. Without saying anything, Axel turned back to the counter to get his finished crushed ice coffee, whipped cream and everything, and then started to make his way towards Riku. He was so tall that he hardly had to boost himself up on the foot bar to slide into the stool opposite Riku's. His coffee was perspiring. Riku's warm latte had long since been finished.

"So," Axel began, and Riku watched as the other boy started tapping his straw against the tabletop to scrunch the paper at the end, "now you're stalking _me_?"

Riku narrowed his eyes, knowing Axel was teasing him, but it still raised his defenses a little. "I always come here," he said without thinking, and then realized he had just let Axel know where to find him in the afternoons. Great.

Laughing, Axel finished taking the wrapper off his straw, leaving the ring of scrunched paper there on the table as he slipped the straw into his drink. "Well, Edenbrook, you didn't strike me as the coffee type of person."

"It's just Riku."

Axel's lips quirked at the automatic response. "Riku," he corrected himself.

Playing it cool, Riku eyed him with a calm, scrutinizing expression. "Why don't I seem like a coffee type of person?" he asked.

"You're so _clean_," Axel replied, not even having to think about how to word it, not worrying about hurting anyone's feelings. Cloying and candid, like his voice. "Pristine. Your hair's always like perfect, and you always sit all proper, and... just the way you act. You're totally a tea person."

Riku wrinkled his nose, looking down at his empty latte. "My aunt made me despise tea as I grew up," he admitted.

Axel grinned at that. "Your aunt, huh?" he said, leaning in to take a drink, his gaze still on Riku.

Riku's eyes followed Axel's lips as they curled around the black straw. "She's the proper one," Riku heard himself say, though his brain was currently memorizing the sexy way Axel's tongue darted out to lick his lips when he was done drinking.

"Sounds like a prude," Axel commented, sitting back. His fingers slid down the straw, a completely normal gesture, but for some reason, it sent a spark of heat to Riku's groin.

Before his body could betray him, Riku turned his gaze away. "You have no idea," he murmured. "She's a control freak."

"You know what you should do?" Axel said, his voice taking on a mischievous tone, and then clarified, "To piss her off." He was holding a finger over the top of the straw to hold some liquid at the bottom. "You should get a really noticeable facial piercing—or better yet! A _tattoo_, and leave it bare to where she can see it."

Riku's jaw dropped. "Are you _nuts_? She'd kill me!"

"Maaaybe," Axel acknowledged, "but it's a tattoo. There'd be nothing she could do about it, and it'd always be there to remind her that she doesn't have total control over you."

Looking away again, Riku tried not to admit to himself that it sounded like a good idea. "Well... I'm not much of a tattoo person," he said quietly.

"I am," Axel stated proudly. He paused to pull his straw out of his drink, globs of whipped cream sticking to the black plastic, and he brought the bottom to the scrunched paper straw wrapper. Then, lifting his finger off the top, he let a little bit of liquid brown drip onto the paper. As the coffee spread through the wrapper, the paper began to move, unfurling from its crumpled state like a crawling worm. "Damn, works better with soda," Axel sighed in disappointment, stuffing his straw back into his drink. "Anyway." He focused at Riku again, smirking that smirk of his. "After Christmas, I'm getting tattoos right here." He lifted his forefingers to point to his cheek bones. "Think it'll piss off the school administration?"

Riku wasn't sure whether to be amused to weirded out, so he gave Axel a bemused look. "Yeah, it will. Why on your face?"

"Well, why not?" Axel countered, grinning wide.

Riku could think of plenty of reasons why not to have facial tattoos, but he remained silent, Axel's outspoken nature still making him feel a little intimidated. He seemed to have no shame. But then—maybe that was also what made him seem so free? Wasn't that what Riku wanted?

As if sensing Riku's reticence, Axel changed the subject. "Do you still take the bus?"

It was asked casually, no obvious underlying tease there, but it still made Riku's heart leap into his throat. This was the first real mention of the bus incident, and the first real proof that Axel _did _remember him from that time on the bus. Well, Riku had suspected that anyway, but here Axel was confirming it.

"I... have a driver now," Riku replied hesitantly, hoping Axel didn't ask why. He was unable to help remembering the feel of Axel's hand on him, and more recently, the pervert on the bus. Wasn't it wrong to keep replaying those moments in his mind? To look back and even enjoy them? To get aroused even _now _by them? He was so sick. Shameful.

He wanted to be like Axel. Shameless. Free. Comfortable with sexuality, whichever it might be.

"A driver, huh? Wish I had someone to chauffeur me around," Axel mused. "But things will get better once I get my jeep!"

Now curious, Riku gave him a faint smile. "Your jeep? Got a license?"

"Yup, and I've been saving up for my own ride," Axel said, leaning in for another drink.

"Why a jeep?" Riku asked. Honestly, he could already see why. It was easy to picture Axel behind the wheel of a jeep littered with bumper stickers, his wild red hair rustling in the breeze from an open window.

As Axel finished drinking, he licked his lips again, that flick of tongue catching Riku's attention again. "Dunno, I've just always wanted one," Axel said with a small grin, which had turned slightly fond. "A green one. I was going to name it something goofy like Cactuar, but then I thought it'd be awkward having sex inside of a cactus, y'know?"

When Riku released a snerk, both at the cactus statement and the implications of Axel fantasizing about having sex in his future jeep, the sound surprised both of them. It had been sharp, disbelieving, and it seemed to echo in their sudden silence as Riku gaped at Axel as if it had been _his_ fault that Riku had made such a sound. Then his face gained that usual blush of his and he had to duck his head to hide it.

"One day," Axel snickered, not even trying to hide his amusement, "I'm going to get you to _really _laugh."

Riku peeked up through his long bangs to give Axel a confused look.

Playing with his straw, Axel continued to regard him with that never ending smirk of his. "You just don't seem like you laugh enough. Or at all."

_Or at all._

Those words struck Riku as almost insulting, and his first instinct was to deny them. Of course he laughed! He wasn't a machine.

But as he thought back through the last few days, not one instance came to mind, not even as he thought further back, months, years... Was his memory that bad? Had he not found anything amusing enough to laugh about recently? Or... had he never really been happy? Happy _here_, at least. He used to laugh with Sora. The photo by his bed was evidence enough that he had used to be happy, before his parents had died and he had been taken away from his only real friend.

Axel was right. Riku honestly couldn't remember the last time he had laughed. He knew he'd give those faintly amused chuckles for another person's benefit, like during school or when his aunt was actually being sociable. But not a real laugh, not any from inside of _him_.

It was at that moment that Riku realized, somewhere along the way, he had actually stopped enjoying life.

Though self-conscious, Riku forced on a smile for Axel. His hands itching for something to do, he leaned heavily against the table, his fingers creeping forward to play nervously with his plastic stirrer from earlier. At the movement, his hair slipped over his shoulders, tickling his collarbones, and he was about to brush the silver strands back when he snuck a glance at Axel, whose green eyes were fixed on the curve of Riku's neck and his long hair.

"Axel?" he prompted.

Without warning, the redhead reached out, his fingers catching a few ends of Riku's hair, slipping right through the silky strands. Riku instinctively pulled away, his heart thumping at the strangely curious gesture, but something about it had struck him as almost affectionate.

"It's long, I know," Riku murmured awkwardly, pulling his hair back behind him. "I want to cut it."

"Why?" Axel asked, sounding taken aback. "It's beautiful!"

Not seeing Axel as the type of person to consider too many things beautiful, Riku tried not to seem skeptical as he gazed at him again, but there was sincerity on Axel's face. He really didn't want Riku to cut his hair. Then again, Axel's hair was pretty long, too, when it wasn't up.

"It's annoying," Riku said. "It's easier when it's short."

Axel frowned, gave a loud _tsk_, and started to slide off his chair, reaching up to take off his beret. He set it on the table and, as he stood and moved towards Riku, his long fingers caught his hair tie and pulled his red hair free. Axel moved behind him, slightly shorter than him with Riku sitting on the high barstool, and Riku tensed as Axel gathered his silver hair back into a ponytail and used his own hair tie to bind it. He noticed that Axel hadn't included his long bangs, which seemed to frame his face on their own. Biting his lip and trying not to feel uncomfortable, Riku closed his eyes, letting the other boy finish the job. When he felt Axel's fingertips run over his scalp to smooth out the bumps in his bound hair, a shiver ran down Riku's spine, pleasant and warm.

Then Axel was done. He stepped back to admire his work, and Riku was glad he still had his bangs to shield his eyes when he was feeling ill at ease.

"There. Now you don't have to cut it," Axel said proudly. "Just keep it up when it bugs you. I like it long, though... when you have it down. It looks good on you."

Riku tried not to smile at the compliment, but his lips betrayed him, quirking a little at Axel's honesty. "Alright," he said. Maybe he'd keep it long after all. He turned to look at Axel, expecting him to return to his seat.

Disappointment filtered through him when Axel only grabbed his drink and didn't make a move to sit down again. The feeling intrigued him, though, because he hadn't realized how much he had unconsciously begun to like Axel and their little conversations.

"Wheeelp, I gotta go," Axel announced, confirming Riku's hunch. As he stepped back, he offered an apologetic grin. "Sorry for running out on you so soon, but I was supposed to meet with Demyx a few minutes ago." He started to reach into his pocket.

Oh, so that was it. It wasn't that Axel wanted to leave him. Riku had been holding Axel away from his other friends, that's all.

It didn't make Riku feel any better.

"Oh, okay," Riku said hastily, trying to make it seem like he wasn't let down. He smiled and everything. "I'll see you in class, then."

Axel pulled out his thin red cell phone and flipped it open before pushing two buttons. Then he held it out for Riku. "Put your info in," he said, and it was stated in such a way that Riku knew Axel knew he would have shied away if given the chance. He wasn't secure giving his number out to people, but...

He took the phone and obeyed. Why? Because, deep down, he knew he wanted Axel to keep seeing him like this, he wanted Axel to bother him. He wanted to see how far Axel would go to make him laugh.

As he punched in his name and number and email with one hand, Riku reached into his own pocket to pull his out for Axel's information. He wasn't expecting Axel to meet him most of the way there. Riku's heart jerked as Axel grabbed the top of the black phone from under Riku's fingers and slipped it the rest of the way out of Riku's pants. At the forward move, Riku felt his ears burn and a fluttery sensation in his gut again, but he said nothing. He finished with Axel's phone and closed it, setting it on the table.

Axel sipped at his drink as he filled out Riku's phonebook, and he once again licked his lips as he pulled away from the straw. This time when Riku watched his tongue, Axel looked up and caught Riku's stare. He actually laughed, snapping Riku out of his daze, and then handed the black cell back.

"Expect a call," Axel told him with a grin, and Riku knew he had lost track of how many times he had blushed in front of Axel. Somehow, he felt it didn't matter anymore.

"Okay," he said, smiling a little as he cradled his phone with both hands.

Axel grabbed his from the table and, before he turned to leave, he lifted the phone with two fingers raised—a casual thing of a wave. Riku returned the wave exactly the way Axel had done it, and kept his gaze on Axel's form as he walked out of the café. Slurping that cold coffee of his, he passed by Riku's window and disappeared down the street. And even after Axel had left his sight, Riku continued to smile.

-o-o-

* * *

_To be continued..._


	2. Chapter 2

**Author Notes:**

Yay! I'm glad this fic started off with such a good reception. I hope you continue reading and liking it! The reviews really help encourage me, especially since this fic is like... packed full of experiences and situations I've never experienced for myself and I can only imagine what Riku's feeling during them, and your feedback helps me know what I'm doing right. :D

About **180** itself—it's still being worked on. I've been hellishly busy with my last year of college, and updates for all of my stories will be sporadic, probably. Just to let you know.

**Warning: **

This fanfic contains excessive sexual themes, including sex between two males, masturbation, attempted rape, sexual harassment, and other mature themes that should not be read by those who are not comfortable reading them.

* * *

_Now autumn brings the beautiful things,  
__where all you give comes back to you  
__like the crown upon my king. _

_Your life's a song, so sing along  
__before the silence swallows you  
__and leaves you like a pawn... _

_So fall in love while you can still hold your head up high,  
__and pretend that you're alive again. _

_**"pretend you're alive"  
**__Lovedrug

* * *

_

**Like No One's Looking**  
**Part Two**

-o-o-

That night, Riku kept his hair up, not wanting to undo Axel's ponytail so soon. And long after dinner, as he lay curled up in bed, he found his eyes continually glancing at his desk where his silent cell phone rested.

_Expect a call._

But when?

As Riku drifted to sleep, he wondered if maybe Axel had been tricking him.

The next morning, though, when he got up to shower, he took a peek at his phone. One missed call, one text message. Both had been from "One Sexy Beast" around 2AM. Shaking his head, Riku smirked at Axel's joke and opened the text message.

_-I work at a toy store. Did you know that?-_

Wondering of the significance of that statement, or if it was even true, Riku hesitated before typing a reply.

_-No. Why?-_

Some time as he was getting dressed, he heard his phone vibrate as Axel's response came. Hopping toward his desk with one leg in his uniform pants, Riku grabbed his phone and opened it to read the message.

­-_I like to scare small children.-_

Riku grinned at that, easily picturing Axel terrorizing kids at work. The timestamp of the message reminded him what time it was, though, and he realized his driver was going to be there soon. He had to get dressed quickly. Deciding to reply to Axel later in the car, he set his phone down and stuck his other leg in his pants and pulled them up.

A few minutes later when he was trying to decide how to do his hair today—ponytail with Axel's hair tie, or down like how Axel said he liked it?—when his phone buzzed again. Glad he had brought it with him into the bathroom, Riku opened it to read the new message.

-_Tell me something about YOU now.-_

Riku worried his lip as he read that line over a few times, having no idea what to respond with. Something about _him_? Nothing about him was interesting. Not interesting enough to tell Axel, anyway.

Closing his phone, he set it down and decided to put his hair up today.

-o-o-

Later, when he was walking to the car, he finally decided on a reply to Axel.

–_You'll have to earn that-_

He thought it sounded coy and playful enough to keep Axel coming back to him. As he finished the message and hit send, he looked up to find his driver holding the door open for him and staring at him again in that discomfiting way.

Riku, putting up his impassive mask, nodded to him politely and slid into the backseat, holding his breath. The door shut behind him, and the man wordlessly rounded the car to the driver's seat and got in.

It was like this every morning.

Riku wasn't sure what it was about the man—aside from his staring—that made him feel so edgy. During the ride to school, Riku made it a point not to glance up at the rearview mirror, knowing very well that the driver was already watching him. He didn't like wondering what was behind those dark eyes.

-o-o-

Before Ethics, as Axel approached Riku's chair to talk to him as he usually did before class, Riku felt more nervous than usual. His heart was beating fast by the time Axel reached his side and leaned against the desktop.

Crossing his arms, Axel regarded him, lips curled with amusement. Riku forced himself to meet Axel's eyes, hoping he looked convincingly impassive. He just knew that the redhead saw Riku using his hair tie as a sign of success, maybe even possession, and could now tell what an effect he had on Riku. But if he did know, Axel made no comment about it.

"So," he said in an expectant way, "how do I earn it?"

At first Riku just blinked at him, at a loss for words. And as his mind desperately tried to come up with an answer, he was sure his mental panicking showed on his face and that Axel was probably having a fun time silently laughing at him. Riku hadn't been expecting Axel to take that response as a challenge—he'd only said it to be mysterious!

Trying to ignore the pounding of his heart, Riku fished out another enigmatic answer.

"If I told you, that would defeat the purpose of earning it, wouldn't it?"

Axel's smile widened into a grin, and he pointed at Riku, actually poking his nose. "You—" he began saying, pulling his finger away, "—are a flower waiting in the shade."

Riku's brow furrowed in confused. "A... flower... waiting in the shade?" he repeated.

Axel pulled away from the desk, nodding. "Yup," he said, his green eyes mischievous as he turned away. "And I'm gonna make you bloom."

-o-o-

What did that mean? 

-o-o-

During the in-class writing in Critical Approaches, Riku couldn't concentrate on the prompt, his mind continually wandering back to Axel's statement. At one point, because he felt like a bad student for not concentrating as hard as he could, he looked up from writing what little he had and glanced at Professor DeLuna—Saïx, as he told his students to call him.

Saïx was staring at him.

Riku's hand paused in mid-word. That fluttery feeling he usually felt around Axel returned to his stomach.

Saïx, whose gaze was focused on Riku's neck, hadn't noticed Riku had spotted him staring yet, and sat there at the desk with an unreadable expression on his face, golden eyes fixed. Riku couldn't help thinking that his hair usually covered his neck, and maybe there was something weird on his neck he didn't know about, or maybe his uniform's high collar was dirty... Whatever it was, it held Saïx's attention, and Riku, who had a suspicion that he knew what Saïx was doing because he'd done it to Saïx himself, felt his face growing hot as he turned his gaze back to his paper. His attention didn't go with it.

For the next few minutes until the in-class writing was over, Riku felt his professor's gaze continue to undress him. He had a fleeting thought that maybe he shouldn't have found it encouraging or exciting, but he did. He liked Saïx's interest.

-o-o-

After class, he walked the hall in a dreamy daze, thinking about how, if Axel or Saïx had been the one to have his hand down Riku's pants on a crowded bus, Riku wouldn't have stopped him from continuing. Body brimming with an unnamed emotion, Riku smiled, curling his arms around himself, feeling as if his heart would burst from all of the strange stimulation it was getting these days.

Riku didn't see the crowd of boys as they rounded the corner, not until he bumped into a tall basketball player and crashed his nose against the boy's collarbone. Gasping, he caught his balance, his eyes immediately lifting up—and up—to meet the boy's face so he could apologize. He didn't miss how the taller boy didn't even stumble—like Riku had been wind against a mountain.

The basketball player looked annoyed for a split second until Riku's eyes met his, and then his expression faded into something else, something Riku couldn't decipher, but it wasn't negative.

"Watch it, pretty boy," he told Riku teasingly, reaching out to grab his forearm as if Riku were still in danger of falling. To anyone else, it had been done fast enough to where it might have looked real, that the taller boy really was stabilizing Riku.

But Riku felt a caress of fingers that shouldn't have lingered.

Eyes widening a fraction, his mouth still open with that frozen apology, Riku stalled, wondering if the whole world had been this interested in him before summer and he just hadn't noticed before, or if this was a new thing. Riku's awareness was new, at least, as was his body's frequent reactions to all of this subtle attraction. Riku didn't even _know _this boy, and his stomach was doing that flippy thing again.

"Th-Thanks," Riku stammered. "I mean, I'm sorry! For bumping..." His eyes strayed to the other boys who had been walking with the basketball player. "...into you." The rest of them looked disinterested in what was happening, though they were all watching Riku as if they'd never seen a boy with his hair up before.

His arm was released, but he could still feel the pressure of the fingers there, and their lasting warmth.

"It's alright," the taller boy said, and as he turned away and walked off with his friends, Riku had a feeling that normally people wouldn't have gotten away so cleanly after running into a jock. Shouldn't there have been dirty looks and snide remarks involved?

Trying not to question his luck, Riku continued off down the hall to get lunch.

-o-o-

Today they were practicing grips and holds today in Self Defense.

Riku had felt uncomfortable with Axel's arm around his neck in a chokehold before, but now the moves were getting less dangerous and more... intimate, it seemed. Having Axel as his sparring partner was dangerous in itself, but not because of the potential pain. Riku was good at getting out of chokes and twisting his body around to flip the situation on Axel and put _him _in a choke instead, but as Axel started to get the hang of the sparring sessions, which lasted for fifteen minutes between partners before the end of class to test what they'd learned, Axel quickly began to gain the upper hand. He was taller, more bony, and he was far less modest about getting personal. And both he and Riku were stubborn and liked the challenge that they gave each other.

Axel gave more than just a challenge to Riku, however.

As Riku avoided a grapple attempt, he shifted and lowered himself to put weight behind his arm, and aimed his palm for Axel's face, confident of the speed of his attack. He honestly wasn't expecting Axel's head to duck to the side and his hand to clamp around Riku's wrist and suddenly jerk his arm forward, spin him around, and then make an move to put it in a hold behind Riku's back.

Reacting on instinct, before Axel could finish the hold, Riku reached up and grabbed the neck of the hoodie Axel was wearing today, and as he yanked at the hoodie, he dropped to his knees and threw Axel forward, flipping him over his back. Axel landed hard, giving a small sound of frustration, and Riku quickly tried to regain his composure while Axel was down—

But Axel was on him before he knew what was happening.

Riku went flying into the matted ground, Axel swiftly climbing on top of him, pinning him down in a firm straddle like they'd been taught, and before Riku could use his arms to fight Axel off, Axel had those pinned to the mat as well, those long fingers curled against his biceps, strong and trembling.

Their eyes met, Axel's shining with victory, Riku's bright with the thrill of their fight.

Then the world returned to both of them, Riku abruptly aware of how suggestive their position was, how close Axel was pressed against him, how hot both of them were from their exertion, how they were both breathing heavily and almost in each other's faces.

Riku tensed underneath Axel's body, trying to regulate his pounding heart, feeling his body reacting easily to his wandering, dangerous thoughts. And his sweatpants didn't hide much. Face flushed from more than just their sparring, Riku stared up at Axel, mortified at his body's betrayal and that very obvious hardness pressing into Axel's thigh.

Axel's fingers tightened slightly around Riku's arms, his eyes narrowing a fraction, an almost imperceptible smirk pulling at his lips as he leaned forward, moving his face closer to Riku's ear, his ragged breath like a gust of desert air against Riku's neck.

"I feel that," he whispered.

Riku shuddered, feeling himself grow harder.

A whistle pierced the warm air in the room, making both of them flinch. Axel picked himself off Riku but didn't stand up, opting instead to sit on the mat next to Riku, who carefully sat up and crossed his legs, trying not to be obvious. The other students in the room had also stopped their sparring, but no one was looking at them.

Still, Riku couldn't relax, his face remaining flushed long after class ended, he changed back into his uniform, and he headed out to the porte-cochere in front of the main building of the academy. His driver was already waiting for him with the door open.

Wordless, Riku climbed into the vehicle and set his satchel on the seat next to him. The door closed behind him, the driver rounded the car, just like always, and Riku thought nothing of it. His mind was focused on how much he had embarrassed himself today.

Closing his eyes, he swallowed thickly, his heart feeling heavy even as it continued to race. As the driver pulled away from the school, Riku leaned his head against the doorframe and tried not to think about anything.

-o-o-

Riku woke sluggishly to the sound of his satchel hitting the floor of the car. There was pressure on the seat next to him, and then he felt the heat of someone's body draw close. When a hand touched his knee, his eyes flew open, his mind awake in an instant, alert.

His driver was inches away from him, dark eyes unwavering even when he saw that Riku had awoken. What was he doing? Were they home? Had he been trying to wake Riku up?

But a glance out the window told him that, no, this wasn't home—there was a brick wall in that direction, dirty, a bit dank. Gasping, Riku snapped his head around, looking out the windshield and then the window he was leaning against, seeing another brick wall, and then the long, empty space of the narrow alley the car was parked in.

Oh _God_.

Had he been kidnapped?

Riku panicked, reaching for his seatbelt at the same time as the door, but his driver—whose name he'd never even learned, he realized in that moment—grabbed his hand, even as his seatbelt slid off, but his free hand at the door handle pulled and nothing happened. It was locked. Of course it'd be locked.

Riku cried out as the man lunged forward, pinning both of his wrists against the door, and then lowered one of his arms to wrap around Riku's waist, twisting his squirming body around so that his stomach faced towards the door.

"Stop!! What the hell are you doing!"

His voice was shrill, scared, and the more he struggled against the driver, the easier it seemed for the man to pull his body fully onto the seat. Riku's heart was lodged in his throat, tears were burning at his eyes, his mind automatically reminding him of the time on the bus, of how powerless he'd felt against that pervert.

And now here he was, trapped in a locked car with his aunt's driver, forced onto his stomach, his hands crushed under the man's powerful grip. He felt cold fingers at his hip as they curled into the waist of his pants and started to slide them off without even unbuttoning. Riku struggled harder, trying to kick a leg out to hit _anything_, his voice rising in pitch and panic as he continued to yell, not even sure what he was saying anymore, so long as he made noise.

His leg only managed to get trapped under the man's weight as he straddled both of Riku's calves, his one hand easily slipping Riku's pants down his slender hips, pulling his briefs with them, baring his ass. That was when the severity of the situation sunk in and Riku realized what was about to happen.

Screaming, he put all of his strength into jerking his legs out from under the driver, freeing them. Then, using his knees as leverage, he sprung up and snapped his head back.

Pain lanced through his skull as it connected with something hard and there came a sharp _crunch _of cartilage breaking.

With the man stunned, Riku twisted around on the seat without hesitation, bringing his legs up again and planting his feet against ribs and kicking—a move he'd perfected in self defense. His driver hit the other door with a groan, clutching his bloody nose, those dark eyes wild with anger and disbelief.

There was a split second in which they stared at each other, daring the other to make a move first, Riku meanwhile stalling to come up with a plan as he watched the red ooze from between the man's fingers.

Acting without thinking, Riku's foot shot out again, slamming right between the asshole's legs, mashing into his groin. A howl tore from the man's throat, but Riku didn't stop to watch him writhe—he made a dive for the space between the front seats and worked his way over to the driver's side, triggering the locks. Within a moment, he was out the door, jerking his pants up, and bolting down the alley, running over wet concrete and broken beer bottles as he'd never run before, not even when he had broken that track record.

-o-o-

Riku would never understand what possessed other men to think they had permission to stare at him, touch him, or even violate him without his permission.

The next day, Aunt Rena told Riku that their driver had suddenly quit. After calling the man mysterious and commenting that it was strange he'd quit like that, she mentioned she'd hire a new one.

Riku actually felt safer on the bus that morning.

-o-o-

-_I'm a photographer for the journalism dept. Bet ya didn't know that either.-_

_-What do you take pictures of?-_

_-Idiots, mostly.-_

_-Idiots?-_

_-I think most people are idiots. Can I give you a word of advice?-_

_-You're going to give it to me anyway-_

_-When you turn your hobby into your job, you're forced to focus on things you usually wouldn't want to.-_

_-What do you mean?-_

_-I like to photograph things that interest me. But they make me photograph idiots. So while I love my camera, sometimes it also becomes a burden. Does that make sense?-_

_-I think so-_

-o-o-

That day, when Riku took the bus to the café, he hadn't expected the weather to suddenly turn for the worse, a harsh chilly breeze stinging his sensitive nose and ears, making him hurry inside the building. Once the door closed behind him and he was surrounded by the warmth of his familiar sanctuary, Riku rubbed at his bare arms to get some feeling into them, silently berating himself for not bringing a jacket with him. He hadn't been expecting a big cold front so early in the season, or even at this time of day, but he usually wasn't that unprepared.

He went to the counter to order his usual latte, and a few minutes later when the warm cup was in his hand, he turned toward his spot by the window. But it was already occupied.

Axel was watching him. A slight smile on his face, he had his chin rested in a hand, an elbow propped on the table. His eyes followed Riku as Riku approached him, eyeing him suspiciously. As Riku slid into his seat, he noticed Axel still had half of an iced coffee in front of him. Cold outside and still drinking something chilly. Strange guy.

"So then you do come here often," was Axel's form of greeting. "I had a feeling you did."

"Decided to test that theory, then?" Riku asked, not meeting his gaze as he took of the lid of his latte to stir it.

"Mmhm, and I wanted to show you some of my work."

Riku's hand fell still, and his eyes traveled beyond his latte to notice a thin plastic binder resting in front of Axel. His work. Riku thought about the toy store comment, and then remembered the text messages from earlier that day. Axel's photography, then?

"So why do you come here?" Axel wondered. He pushed his binder forward, but Riku didn't make a move to take it yet.

"Homework, mostly," Riku replied shortly. He still wasn't sure what to think about Axel's attention. Constant text messages and switching to his self defense class were odd enough, but for Axel to actually go out of his way to haunt Riku's hangout? What did Axel want from him?

Laughing, Axel sat back, and Riku glanced up to study him. He was wearing another hoodie, this one a dark green, and he had a black beanie on over his wild red hair. The beanie had a white smiling skull on the front that looked kind of familiar. Riku's eyes shifted downward, noticing that Axel was wearing brown corduroy pants. He looked comfortable. Riku wasn't. He was used to dressing kind of formal even after school.

"Funny, I don't see you carrying anything," Axel commented. "No books, no backpack..."

"I didn't come here today for that," Riku cut in calmly, but he kept his voice clipped, a way to tell Axel not to ask him questions about that.

Axel got the hint and raised his hands in surrender.

Shivering, Riku rubbed at his arms again before taking a sip of his latte, closing his eyes and savoring its warmth and taste. He knew Axel was watching him again, but at the moment, he didn't care, his body on edge from the cold, and he could care less about Axel's fixation with him.

"You cold?" Axel asked.

Riku nodded without thinking about it, and in agreement, his body shivered again. "Y-Yeah, I didn't realize the front was coming in..."

Taking a slurp of his drink, Axel licked his lips and then started to slide off his seat. Riku watched as he reached down, grabbed the edge of his hoodie, and began to pull it up, swooping it off in one smooth movement. He was wearing a short-sleeved black band shirt underneath. Wondering what he was doing, Riku eyed him curiously, noticing how he took care in turning the hoodie right-side-in.

When he held it out for Riku to take, Riku's eyes widened and he immediately tried to protest. "No, I'm fine—really—"

"You're _shivering_," Axel noted firmly, nodding to the hoodie. "Take it."

"But then you'll be cold," Riku said, timid, but reached to take the dark green tent of comfort.

Axel laughed at that. "I may be skinny, but I retain a lot of heat. It gets annoying sometimes. I like the cold 'cuz then I'm not always so hot. In the winter, I even sleep with really thin sheets."

Riku made a face, trying not to smile. He held the hoodie between his hands for a moment, noticing how heavy it was and wondering if Axel was lying about retaining heat. But the cloth was warm, tempting, and Riku slipped it on over his head, sticking his arms through. The sleeves were too long by several inches. It really was a tent. Definitely comfortable though.

As Riku looked up, he saw the beanie come down onto his head. He let out a surprised sound, not expecting _that _from Axel, too, but the black knitted material was pulled over his silver hair and fixed to where it just covered the tops of his ears. Blushing, Riku held a hand over the top of the beanie, wanting to take it off.

"I feel ridiculous," he muttered.

"But you look molestable," Axel laughed.

Riku snapped his head up and gaped at Axel, his face reddening even more. "W-What!"

Axel trailed off into a snicker as he returned to his seat. "Did I just offend Snow White's virgin little ears?"

Humiliated, Riku ducked his head, cradling his latte. He heard Axel, now back in his chair, give a loud slurp of his drink again, probably while continuing to watch Riku, who was beginning to feel disconcerted by all of the staring he kept getting from people. Add that onto his awkward appearance... Man, he felt really out of place.

Riku made it a point to avoid his gaze again. "Why does... everyone stare at me?" he asked, and he sounded too nervous for his liking. He wondered if Axel noticed it.

"Well, I dunno about everyone else, but..." Axel hesitated, silent for a long moment, the amusement fading from his tone. When he spoke up again, Riku thought he seemed a little embarrassed. "Well, when I look at you, I just get this _feeling_," he said, his voice taking on a zealous edge, "a feeling that I need to keep watching you... like if I look away for just a second, I might miss something extraordinary."

This made Riku lift his face, his expression unguarded, reflecting astonishment. No one had ever told him something like that before—something that... deep and profound, something that complimenting. Axel didn't miss his look, and he grinned, indeed embarrassed, and rubbed the back of his head, messing up his red hair even more.

"Hah, sorry... I probably said too much."

Riku found himself shaking his head automatically, a soft smile at his lips as something warm curled around his heart. "No, it's just... I didn't think about it that way."

He hadn't thought about it that way because it seemed like everyone else who stared at him just wanted to touch him. Axel was different. Maybe he wanted to touch Riku, too—he'd had enough chances of that, though—but there seemed to something more to Axel's attention.

"You look at me differently than the others," Riku said, lowering his eyes to watch the foam of his latte swirl as he stirred it again.

"I do?"

Riku nodded.

"Oh. ...it might be because of _what_ I'm thinking when I look at you."

Riku's hand stilled once again. He forced himself not to lift his eyes. "Which is...?" he asked hesitantly.

Axel reached out, pushing the plastic binder forward again. "Open it and see for yourself."

Letting go of his stirrer, Riku obeyed, his fingers sliding down the sleek cover before he grabbed the edge and pulled it open. The first few photos were simple but well done. One was of a child's pink ball sitting solitary in a sandbox. The angle was close to the ground, the ball in the foreground and a rusty swing set behind it. It was so dreary with such soft light that the pink ball seemed to be the only thing colored. The others were objects like that. Riku passed a few pages before he got to photos of actual people.

The first was of Demyx—though the boy's hair was down from its usual 'do and was hanging in his face, Riku could tell it was him from his lips and the shape of his chin. He was shirtless, wearing just jeans with the knees worn out, lounging on a ratty sofa with one leg propped up, and he was holding an acoustic guitar, obviously playing it, his eyes closed and his face set in concentration. The room was dark, the only source of lighting coming from the blinds of a window nearby, ribbons of sunlight highlighting the boy's slender, lazy form.

Silent, Riku moved on, turning the page and pausing, blinking twice before he realized what he was seeing. It was a naked woman, but the angle was from her breast and up, a pink nipple in the front. Riku felt his face redden as he kept studying the photo, his eyes traveling to her face, with was completely casual, turned away from the camera, one of her hands reaching up as if to shield her face but hadn't gotten there in time. Her blonde hair was slicked back, two locks hanging down into her face that didn't look like they belonged there. She was pretty, but seemed... cold.

The next photo startled Riku.

It was _him_. Wearing his track uniform from last semester. It was a close-up of his torso as he ran, his face set in concentration, silver brows drawn together, determined. It didn't look like him. He wondered when Axel had had a chance to take this photo if he hadn't even met Axel until that accident on the bus.

As if reading Riku's thoughts, Axel leaned forward and spoke. "That one was requested by the newspaper staff. They needed some pictures of track members, and you were the one who caught my attention."

Riku met his gaze. "When was it taken?"

"Mid-semester," Axel said, smirking. "I usually toss out most of the copies of pictures I take for school, but I really liked how this one came out. Looks like you wanted to run away from everything."

Glancing back down at the photo, Riku thought about that. He had met Axel a few days before class had ended last semester. This image had almost been a precursor, then, to their current relationship, whatever it was. He wondered how often Axel had stared at this exact photograph and had thought about the silver-haired track boy.

"I kind of did," Riku admitted, turning the page.

"You don't anymore?"

Riku stared at the next photo without seeing it, his mind focused on the question instead. "I... still do, I guess," he said quietly, blinking. The next photo was of an old grocery store that had been shut down recently. "What's this?"

"Ah!" Axel reached out and took the binder, closing it with a laugh. "Sorry, you weren't supposed to see that. I might, uh, explain it later."

Giving him a perplexed look, Riku decided not to question it again. He took another sip of his latte as Axel stuffed his binder into his backpack, which had been hanging off the back of his bar stool.

"You know, I'd like to photograph you again," Axel said pensively, turning back to give Riku his full attention.

Not even sure he liked the notion of Axel already having a picture of him, Riku shook his head immediately. "No, I'm... um..."

"You're what?" Axel challenged, smirking as he leaned forward, folding his hands in front of him and leaning his chin on them. "I really want to see you behind my finder."

"Your... finder?" Riku asked, knowing his cheeks were coloring again.

"Viewfinder," he clarified, "the part of a camera that lets me see what's going to be included in the photograph."

"Oh..."

"C'mon," Axel urged, sitting up straight again. "I want to know all about you. I'm not askin' you to lay bare your soul or anything."

Riku shook his head again, getting uncomfortable now. The thought of his face forever being frozen on paper, open for anyone to stare at, open for hours of Axel's attention... He didn't like it.

Why did Axel want to know all about him? What was so fascinating about him? He felt boring. He _was _boring.

He was scared that one day Axel would realize that, that there was nothing to discover about Riku after all, and he'd never want to bother Riku again. He didn't want that. He wanted...

He wanted Axel to keep coming back.

"I told you you'd have to earn that," Riku said nervously, starting to slide off his chair. "I-I gotta go..."

Axel, surprisingly, didn't pursue him this time. "Okay, Cinderella," he said. "Just don't leave your glass slipper behind." He sat back, studying him, still with that smirk. Silent, feeling his heartbeat quicken, Riku kept his gaze averted as he started to pull off the beanie to give it back to Axel, but Axel spoke up again, his tone firm. "Keep it," he said. "And the hoodie. You can give them back later."

"Alright," Riku said quietly. Fingers trembling, he grabbed the lid of his latte and replaced it, trying not to spill his drink as he turned away from Axel. Why was he so shaken up? "Thanks," he murmured, leaving. Axel didn't stop him.

But all the while, as he exited the café, he felt Axel's eyes on him. And he wondered, really wondered, why Axel wanted to photograph him so badly.

-o-o-

It occurred to Riku later that Axel would have had to have been with that naked blonde girl in order to photograph her. Had they had sex? Was Axel straight? Gay? Did he like both boys and girls?

Why did it matter?

If he gave Axel permission to photograph him, he wondered if Axel would want to take pictures of him naked.

The thought of Axel watching him through his lens, studying every detail of Riku's bare body as he tried to find the perfect angle, seemed almost taboo. Sexy. Tempting.

Riku almost wished he had been that blonde girl.

-o-o-

When his aunt introduced the new driver as "rude," Riku expected the man to be, well, rude, and then wondered why his aunt would bother hiring a mean driver. Then when he actually met the man, he realized Rude was the guy's name. He was bald, but it looked great on him, and he was built in the sexy, manly-but-not-too-manly way, and he didn't look at Riku like he was a piece of meat. Then again, Riku couldn't tell much of what went through Rude's gaze because he wore such dark sunglasses.

Riku liked him immediately.

-o-o-

When autumn really set in, Saïx began to wear black turtlenecks that made his eyes look yellow. The turtlenecks were ribbed, hugging every subtle curve of his body to where Riku had a perfect view of it as he passed in front of Riku's seat during his lectures. Every shift of muscle, every dip of his abdomen... And the pants he wore also left hardly anything to Riku's imagination. Riku wasn't sure how he got his notes written down when he constantly found himself staring after Saïx's ass as he paced in front of the classroom, speaking in that sultry, silky voice of his.

Once, when he caught Riku staring and their eyes met, Riku felt a thrill move through him, waking his heart up from its disinterested state. Saïx only smiled at him and, without missing a beat, continued his lecture.

-o-o-

_-I turn 18 the day our ethics paper is due. Sucks huh?-_

Riku stared down at the message. Armed with this new knowledge, he wanted to buy Axel something special for his birthday.

The problem was figuring out _what_.

-o-o-

Denzel sometimes met him in the lunch line, and with each meeting, Riku grew more positive that the other boy had a crush on him. A crush. It was such a junior high girl kind of thing to think, but that's what it was.

Riku found himself enjoying Denzel's attention, though. Not quite as much as Axel's, but still enjoyable. Denzel made him smile in a sincere way that Axel couldn't accomplish yet, because Denzel was sweet, he was shy, and for once, Riku felt in control.

That is, until Denzel touched his arm.

Riku felt himself stiffen on reflex, a definite flame curling inside of him, and he knew then that he was a lot more attracted to Denzel than he had realized. After he and the boy separated ways, Riku was supposed to sit with Pence and Olette. Instead, he set his tray down and went straight to the bathroom.

With the front tail of his uniform shirt stuffed into his mouth to muffle his gasps, Riku hid in a stall with his pants around his ankles and took care of his problem. That was the first time he'd ever masturbated in a public place.

-o-o-

BVVVVVVT. BVVVVVVT.

"Fuck..."

Rolling over, Riku flailed a hand out and grabbed his cell phone from his night table. He flipped it open and rasped into it.

"Hello...?"

"Hey."

Olette. She hadn't called him in a while. Though they saw each other almost every day at school, they never had time to speak alone, for Pence was always there at her side. Pence and Olette. The happy, cute couple.

Riku hardly existed to them anymore.

"Oh. Hi..." he said softly. He sounded awkward even to himself.

"I know it's late," she began, and Riku took that moment to glance at his alarm clock through the dark. 3:11AM. Shit. "But... I had to talk to someone."

"Umm..." _Crap, I don't want to talk to her. Why does she have to call this late? Why does she only call me when she needs me? _"About... what?"

"Pence."

Oh great.

"Oh. What'd he do?"

"No, no, not like that. He... He didn't do anything," she said hastily, giving a fake laugh. "I-I guess I called because, well, you're a guy... and..."

Riku had a feeling he knew where this was going.

"And?"

"And... And—I wanted to know... something..."

"Okay. Go ahead."

Olette inhaled, probably trying to calm herself down. "What does it mean when your boyfriend buys you a shirt that shows off your bra in the back?"

Riku furrowed a brow, wondering what the heck that was supposed to mean or if it was even relevant. Olette called him for _this_? "Well... either he wants to see your bra, or he wants to see you without one, I guess." _How am I supposed to know? I don't look at girls._

"Oh," she breathed. And then, "O-Oh."

Maybe I really am gay.

"I don't know if that helps," Riku admitted, lying back in his bed and closing his eyes.

"N-No, it helps. Thank you," she said, sounding cheerier. "So... what's been going on with you? Any girls you're interested in?"

Axel's face immediately flashed before his eyes, that wide grin and the brightness of his eyes.

"No," Riku said sleepily. "No girls..."

-o-o-

Rude drove him anywhere he wanted, no questions asked. Whenever Riku went to the porte-cochere to get picked up, and when he would see Rude standing there in his suit and sunglasses with the door open for him, Riku would feel safe.

That was why Riku was okay with asking him to take him to a sex shop to look for something.

Rude only raised an eyebrow.

-o-o-

The clerk kept eyeing him as if he had two heads.

"You want... just one?" the guy asked skeptically, holding up the incriminating red box.

Riku was sure his face was equally red. "If it's possible."

He only _needed _one, but if he had to buy the whole box to get it, he wasn't sure what he'd do with the other nineteen of them. He wasn't about to take them home and stash them in his room on the chance his aunt would find them and demand what he was doing with a box of cherry-flavored condoms.

"Just _one_?" he asked again.

Finally Riku caved in, figuring he could toss the rest. "Just... give me the entire box."

"Ooookay."

-o-o-

Riku didn't throw them away after all. He kept them hidden in the back of his closet in an old shoe box. If his aunt found them there, then she probably deserved to find them for looking so hard.

-o-o-

Riku usually wasn't the type to do it before bed, but the day before Axel's birthday, Riku felt tense. After finishing his ethics paper, he lay in bed and thought about Axel, Axel's grin, Axel's bony clavicles, Axel's faintly freckled chest. He wondered what the rest of him would look like without his baggy clothes. Judging from what he looked like in muscles shirts, he was slender all over but with just enough muscle to maintain an attractive physique. Riku still hadn't seen him shirtless, but Axel probably had nice nipples.

...he wondered if Axel thought about _him _this way, or if Axel would like _his _nipples. It seemed like such a childish thought, but he couldn't help wondering, and he couldn't help imagining what it must feel like.

Biting his lip, he glanced at his locked door and then slowly drew a hand up his abdomen, peeling up his night shirt to expose his chest. Slipping his fingers under, he touched the soft skin of his nipple, feeling it harden under the chilliness of his fingertips. He gave it an experimental tweak, feeling weird, and wondered if it would feel better when—if—Axel did it.

Closing his eyes, he thought about the way Axel smelled whenever they got close to each other in self defense class. Or the way Axel's strong body felt moving against his as they struggled for dominance during sparring. Or the way Axel's hands always sent jolts of electricity through him, warming his blood. Or the way Axel's hips dug into his when he pinned Riku, and Riku sometimes found an erection pressed against his own.

Axel never said anything about it. But Riku knew Axel wanted him.

Riku wanted him, too.

Stroking his nipple, he slid his other hand under his silk pants and underwear, touching himself with more hesitation than usual. When Riku thought about it, he knew why it was different this time. Instead of just mindless pleasure, he was actually thinking of someone. He was actually fantasizing.

And with his eyes closed and his mind drifting through all of his memories of Axel, he could almost feel Axel's hand against him, just like that fated day on the bus so long ago.

-o-o-

"Here, I have something for you."

Axel's face lit with a grin as Riku opened his satchel and started to pull something out of it. But that grin faded into a confused smile when it was not a present but Axel's hoodie that Riku pulled out.

"Uh, thanks," he said, taking his hoodie. But then he frowned, inspecting the dark green material. "You washed it?"

Riku blinked. "Yeah, I... thought you wouldn't want my hair on it... or anything."

Lips pulling into a little smirk, Axel handed the hoodie back, shaking his head. "Keep it, okay? I have like ten of them. Besides, it looked good on you."

Riku's face fell with disappointment, but he quickly covered it up, becoming stubborn. "Take it," he said, holding it out for Axel, who shook his head. "Please?" he added, sounding desperate now. "I... I put your present in the pocket. It was going to be a surprise, but..." He trailed off, lowering his gaze, suddenly tongue-tied.

He felt Axel take the hoodie, and out of the corner of his eye, he could tell Axel was slipping a hand into the front pocket to find his present. Riku had thought he'd had it planned out so well, too. He hadn't anticipated Axel refusing to take his hoodie back over something as silly as Riku washing it for him.

Axel dumped the hoodie back into Riku's lap a moment later, and that's when Riku looked up again, hopeful. Grinning, Axel was studying his gift, his thumbs running over its texture surface.

A black corduroy wallet with a white, smiling skull on the front—the same character that had been on his beanie. Inside the money flap, unbeknownst to Axel, was a single cherry-flavored condom. Riku was going to leave its interpretation up to Axel, but Riku knew exactly what he wanted it to mean.

"Jack Skellington!" Axel laughed, tracing the patch on the front of the wallet. "I love it! It's perfect. My old wallet was falling to pieces. How'd you know?"

Riku hadn't, but instead of saying so, he just smiled and gave a small shrug. "Glad you like it."

Axel reached out, grin wide, and slipped his hand through Riku's soft hair, mussing it slightly in the back. Then he leaned in, eyes bright, and pressed his lips to the corner of Riku's mouth.

It was quick. Done with within a second.

Axel pulled back, shameless, and went back to studying his wallet. "I think," Axel said thoughtfully, "this is a good sign."

Riku, reeling from the semi-kiss, was trying not to blush or lick his lips. "Sign?" he asked, his voice slightly rasping.

"Yeah," Axel said, focusing his gaze back on Riku, his grin turning slightly feral now. "You're coming out of your shell. Oh, keep the hoodie. And I mean it."

Professor Kramer entered the room then and Axel had to return to his seat before class really began, and Riku was left sitting there with those thoughts and the soft pressure of Axel's warm lips against his skin.

He was coming out of his shell?

Curling his hands into the soft material of the loved hoodie, Riku tried to control the fluttering in his stomach.

-o-o-

He received a text message that same night.

-Meet me at the cafe tomorrow at 2.-

Tomorrow was a Saturday. Riku usually didn't go to the café around that time.

He wondered all night about what Axel had planned, if that condom had been discovered yet, and if it had, if tomorrow's plans had anything to do with it.

-o-o-

Axel was waiting outside the café, no coffee in hand. He was wearing a black turtleneck that reminded Riku of Saïx's, his hair was down, still a spiky mess like usual, and he looked calm standing there, his hands tucked into his corduroy pants, one of his feet propped against the wall behind him.

When he spotted Riku, his lips pulled not into a grin or a smirk, but a fond smile that made Riku's heart jump.

Riku swallowed, clearing a knot from his throat, and approached the redhead, managing a smile back despite his nerves. "Hey. Why aren't you waiting inside? It's cold out here," he said, his own hands tucked somewhere warm—the front pocket of Axel's hoodie. He had decided to wear Axel's hoodie, thinking that it would please the eighteen-year-old, maybe even make him feel possessive.

Axel pushed away from the wall and reached out, grabbing a fist full of the hoodie, and pulled Riku to him. An arm went around Riku's waist as Axel steered him away from the café. "Because we're not staying here. I want to show you something special," he said, his hand resting against Riku's hip, a touch of warmth against the bitter, frigid air. "Remember that picture in my portfolio I won't let you see?"

Riku nodded, recalling the old grocery store. "Yeah."

As it turned out, that's where Axel took him. It wasn't too far away, just two blocks and a busy street to cross, and Riku found himself standing in front of the closed grocer, wondering why the heck he was there and why Axel thought it was important.

They stood across the street, Axel positioned mostly behind him, his arm still around Riku's waist, and they stared at the medium-sized building. It had gone out of business because of the larger grocery store chains that had taken over. This family-owned grocer had been too small to keep up with the demand. It had remained empty for about a year since then.

"This place," Axel said proudly, gesturing to it with his free hand, "is going to by my gallery."

Surprised, Riku turned his face to glance at him. "Gallery? Like for your photos?"

"Mm-hm! And I'll have my own dark room to develop pictures since, when I graduate, I can't mooch off the school's supplies," Axel laughed. "And..." He lifted his hand, pointing to the high windows that indicated a second floor above the grocer. "The top floor will be my place. My own little loft. Well, big loft."

Riku smiled as he listened, and when Axel started to move forward, taking Riku with him, Riku let him. They walked across the street to the grocer, then to the alleyway beside it, to a back door. Only then did Axel let go of his waist. He reached into his pant pocket and pulled out a set of keys, one of them easily sliding into all three of the locks the door had.

"You already own this place?" Riku asked, incredulous.

"Yup, one of my birthday presents," Axel said with a wide, pleased grin. "I'd been eyeing it for months. Now I got it."

Genuinely excited for Axel, and also happy that he was getting to see this secret, Riku grinned back. Axel pushed open the door, and cold, musty air crept out. It was dark inside. Axel went first, but not before putting his keys away and reaching for Riku's hand. Their fingers were cold, but it was okay.

Riku blinked a few times to let his eyes adjust as Axel led him around, explaining what he was going to do to the place to renovate it, how the first floor, which was a huge empty space, was going to be a maze of white walls with his photographs on them. The dark room would go in a far corner near the stairs, which was where Axel led him next. The steps creaked under their feet, cries that seemed to speak of something forbidden as if they knew what Riku was secretly thinking.

The second floor was even darker, only a few sparse windows providing light through the cracks in the boards protecting the glass. Riku noticed some scattered furniture, wondering if this place had been someone's home before it had been closed. A sofa covered in a white tarp sat nearby.

Axel led him only a little farther in, still holding onto his hand, and he pointed with his free one to the adjacent wall. "Over there will be my mini office, I think. Or maybe I'll put that downstairs, too... Anyway." He turned, nodding towards the way back of the area. "That way will be my bedroom, though most of it will be filled with a gigantic bed."

There, he glanced at Riku with a grin, and Riku pictured Axel flopping down onto a king-sized bed in victory. That was a silly little dream, but the rest of this—this loft Axel wanted, this gallery Axel wanted, and even his other dreams, like that green jeep he'd always wanted—they were admirable. Axel knew exactly what he wanted, and even if it was as silly as a gigantic bed for whatever reason, Riku did admire that.

After all, Riku had no dreams to speak of.

"Sounds nice," he said quietly, staring off into the dark, open space littered with occasional covered furniture. "I'm sure it'll all be great when you're done renovating."

Axel slowly released his hand, and the loss of it made Riku blink and look at him in question. He wasn't expecting Axel's hand to curl at his hip instead, or for Axel to turn to face him with a solemn expression or an intense stare. As Axel's hand slid down, then dipped up under the hoodie, Riku's breath caught, his heart jerking before beginning to race.

Axel's eyes continued to watch him as if studying his every reaction, and Riku could only stare back, wide-eyed, as Axel's hand crept past Riku's waist and his cold fingertips brushed the warm skin of his hip.

A small series of tremors ran through Riku at the simple touch. He swallowed twice, his throat feeling thick, dry, wordless. Even if Riku hadn't wanted this, he wouldn't have had the voice to say no.

Axel's palm was next, stroking against Riku's hipbone. It slid upward, cupping Riku's side, caressing, and it earned a soft gasp from the younger boy, who reached out without thinking to grab Axel's turtleneck. He made a fist in the material and saw Axel smile.

Taking a step closer, Axel rubbed his thumb against Riku's abdomen, feeling it shiver under his touch. And when Axel had gotten close enough, standing leg to leg with Riku, he leaned in, lips skimming Riku's cheek, to speak into his ear.

"How far down the rabbit hole does Alice want to go?"

Riku closed his eyes, breathing in the scent of Axel's hair as it tickled his nose, hearing the thumping of his heart as it screamed for this to continue, feeling his body's yearning for the attention Axel could give him if he just gave in.

With a shaky breath, Riku turned his face and nuzzled against Axel's jaw, his whisper trembling.

"As far as you want to take me."

Axel's hand slid up, trailing his ribs before running back down, moving in a slow caress to Riku's back. He traced the heated skin of Riku's spine, not moving any lower than the small of his back, and then closed the remaining distance between them, the boys standing hip to hip. Axel's other hand, chilly but soft, cupped Riku's cheek and lifted his face to meet his.

Their eyes briefly met again, a flicker of a question and a final consent, and then Axel's mouth was against his. It was Riku's first real kiss, and as he relaxed into it, feeling Axel's lips coax his into action, he felt his heart soar, but his body, brimming with want, wasn't satisfied just yet. Riku wanted to clear his mind and lose himself in this moment, but he couldn't help thinking back to a despairing child's last request as Riku had left his life forever.

_"Don't you dare kiss any boys except me!"_

But Sora wasn't here, Sora couldn't see this transgression, and did it even count if Riku hadn't initiated it? _No, _he told himself, his nerves finally easing. _It doesn't count._

Riku began to kiss back, tentative at first, not sure exactly how to do it, but Axel's supple lips guided him. Every teasing pressure and shared brush of sensitive skin sent Riku's mind awhirl, his blood singing in his ears as he eagerly moved against Axel. His hand was branded on Riku's hip now, stroking just under the waist of Riku's pants, teasing into Riku's briefs, just to caress his hip, and the audacity was completely unlike the other times men had their hands down Riku's pants. It was a sensual, careful caress, and a million times more cruel at the same time because of its stimulating nature.

Riku pushed his hip forward, a silent encouragement he hardly realized he was giving, and it earned him a flick of Axel's tongue, the tongue Riku loved to watch, the tongue he now got to feel against his own. Parting his lips, Riku welcomed him into his mouth, and the first stroke of Axel against him felt like fire in his veins, a soft sound escaping him.

The noise only seemed to spur Axel on, who had no qualms about taking this quickly. He gently pushed at Riku's hip, turning him, and Riku mindlessly let himself be led backwards—wasn't there a couch there?—his attention focused instead on Axel's kissing and the way it felt when he pulled back slightly, sucked on Riku's bottom lip, and then dipped back in, delving a little deeper into Riku's mouth.

Riku was lowered onto the dusty couch, his hand grasping Axel's shoulder as Axel cupped the back of his head, fingers tangled in silver hair, and Axel's body climbed on top of his. It was an awkward tangle of limbs on a short, stiff and uncomfortable sofa, but the close contact and the heat between their bodies was intoxicating, and Riku knew he'd be remembering this moment for years.

Fingers running gently against his scalp, another hand squeezing his hip, Riku gave a pleasant sigh against Axel's mouth, and Axel released a soft, husky chuckle in return before kissing him again, his knee coming up between Riku's legs.

Their kisses were slow, testing, but there were many that night, with Axel testing Riku's resolve, and Riku testing his own as well, both of them probably wondering what they meant to each other. Whatever they were, Riku knew he liked it. Every time Axel's skin brushed his own, whether it be fingers against his hips, or Axel's nose against his cheek, or their tongues being playful, Riku fell deeper under Axel's spell, mesmerized by the call of desire and the affect that Axel's body and words and touches had on him.

When they finally pulled away, a quiet wet separation of lips, Riku felt a lazy smile spread across his face as he slipped open his eyes, meeting Axel's impressed grin. Their lips were rosy and swollen, and even Axel's cheeks were flushed. Feeling giddy, Riku laced a hand in Axel's red hair, wanting to pull him back down for another kiss, but the thought of what might happen after that stopped him. Instead, he just admired Axel's delighted expression and savored the way their clothed erections felt pressed against one another like this on the couch.

In that quiet moment as they both soaked in the pleasure of their first make out session, Axel licked his lips exactly the way he would after taking a good drink. And Riku, recognizing the familiar mannerism and remembering how many times he had relished the sight of it, felt his grin widen, right before laughter bubbled up inside of him.

This, he knew, was enough for him to enjoy life again.

-o-o-

3:23 AM.

Riku couldn't sleep.

Curled up wearing Axel's hoodie, he felt his body brimming with love and lust and happiness and the restlessness that accompanied them all. He wanted to be touched again, he wanted to be kissed again. He couldn't wait to see him again.

Reaching for his cell phone, Riku smiled, biting his lip as he opened his phonebook and looked at the small list of names there.

Axel would be asleep by now, but Riku had someone else to call.

"H-Hello...?" a tired, confused voice answered.

"Hey," Riku said, completely awake and cheerful. "Sorry to call so late, but I had to talk to someone."

He heard Olette's sleepy sigh and the rustle of sheets as she probably tried not to fall back asleep immediately. Riku knew her pain, he really did. "O-Okay. What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Riku said. "Nothing at all."

And so he told her about Axel. He told her about how they'd first met, with Axel grabbing his crotch on accident, he told her about having Ethics with him and how Axel would go out of his way to talk with him, he told her about how Axel had switched to his self defense class and how much Riku enjoyed sparring with him. He especially told her about their meetings in the café and what drink Axel liked, what Axel talked about, what his dreams were, and how much attention he gave Riku and how happy it made Riku feel.

And throughout his babbling, Riku found himself softly laughing at some parts.

He left out the most important memories, though, wanting to keep them to himself. He didn't tell her about his first kisses or the way Axel would look at him knowingly when Riku got aroused during their sparring. He didn't tell her about Axel's tongue or Axel's hoodie or even Axel's birthday present. Those were his alone, his to treasure, to make him smile.

Olette was actually still awake by the time he finished, and she sounded amazed, even amused. "You must really like him, then," she said softly. "I'm happy for you."

Riku closed his eyes, feeling warm inside. Gripping the phone a little tighter, he spoke his heart.

"I like myself so much more with him in my life," he admitted. "Ever since I got to know him, the whole world seems to have... _color._"

There was silence for a moment, and Riku almost thought she had fallen asleep then, but her sweet voice returned, carrying affection. "You must really _love_ him, then," she said in correction.

Riku just smiled, not even sure of it himself.

-o-o-

* * *

_To be continued..._


	3. Chapter 3

**Author Notes:**

Whoa, sorry about this taking so long. I had most of this written over six months ago, but once again college and family ate my time. Hopefully things will pick up again soon. Your comments and reviews are always an inspiration, and thanks for the continuing support!

**Warning: **

Riku's going through **puberty**. This fanfic contains excessive sexual themes, including sex between two males, masturbation, attempted rape, sexual harassment, and other mature themes that should not be read by those who are not comfortable reading them.

* * *

_come to me unconventional beauty  
come to me unconditional friend..._

_come to me  
awaken all of my senses  
come to me  
turn me inside-out  
come into the spotlight of mine  
come into the spotlight  
so you can share with me  
your creativity_

_**"everylittlething"  
**_Caroline

* * *

**Like No One's Looking  
Part Three**

-o-o-

"I'm going to start eating lunch with Axel."

Olette looked up from her salad and Pence paused with his hotdog halfway in his mouth. Both of them blinked at Riku, then glanced at each other, and finally lowered their eyes. Olette picked at her salad as if trying to think of what to say, and when she seemed to finally find the words, she met Riku's stare with a small, knowing smile.

"It's okay, Riku."

Pence said nothing. He just offered a smile of his own as if Riku needed the reassurance.

He wasn't sure what he had been expecting from them, but their reactions both relieved and disappointed him. They hadn't gotten upset, which saved him the trouble of explaining himself. But because they hadn't gotten upset, maybe his presence hadn't meant anything to them after all.

He tried not to let it bother him.

Nodding, he turned his gaze downward, picked up his tray, and got to his feet.

He found Axel where the redhead, in an earlier text message, had told him he'd be: an outside courtyard, in front of the old pear tree in the back of the school. The tree had a short, circular stone wall around its roots, which at one point might have held some purpose other than to keep kids from climbing the trunk, but now the area around the tree was filled with coarse grass and hibernating flowers that were trying to hold on through the chilly autumn.

Axel and Demyx liked to sit on that short wall and leisurely eat their lunches under the shade of the large tree, the leaves of which had turned a vibrant crimson over the past few weeks and were now littering the cobblestone underfoot. When Riku spotted the two of them there, Demyx sitting cross-legged with his acoustic guitar out and strumming a few notes, and Axel lounging in the grass with his hair blending into the fallen leaves, Riku thought he'd never seen anything as definitive of the word _peaceful _as that.

Other students hung out around the pear tree, some sprawled in the grassy knoll on the opposite side as Axel, others sitting on the wall itself like Demyx, but there was plenty of space between the groups of people that Axel and Demyx seemed like they didn't have to fight for their spot very often. Riku had a difficult time trying to hide a smile as he approached them.

Demyx saw him first, and his fingers paused on a low note as he greeted Riku, the sound of his voice blending melodiously with the humming string. "Hey Riku."

"Hey," Riku returned casually, but inside he was trying to contain his cheerfulness.

Especially when Axel sat up at the sound of his voice. Brushing leaves from his hair, Axel turned to look at him, his green eyes intense compared to the brilliant red of nature's beautiful death. Axel grinned at him, plucked a leaf from his shoulder, and then patted the empty space on the stone wall in front of him.

"Wasn't sure you'd show," he admitted, though he sounded as jovial as Riku felt.

Riku set his tray down before placing his hands against the cold stone. "Had to tell Olette and Pence," he explained and hoisted himself completely onto the wall, ignoring the way the slabs wobbled under his movement. He figured he'd get used to it. Then he pulled his tray into his lap, sighing in a pleased way. "It feels nice out here. Not too cold yet..."

"Yeah, it's the perfect time of year," Demyx agreed, his fingers returning to the guitar strings.

At the tentative strum of strings, as if the boy was really itching to play, Axel reached a hand out and shoved lightly at Demyx's shoulder. "Hey, play something for Riku. He hasn't heard you yet. Hey, Riku—Demy is in a band, did ya know that?"

Riku glanced at the sandy-haired boy, who looked embarrassed but happy now. "No, I didn't know," he said, offering Demyx a smile. He hadn't seen him this up close before, and Riku could now see that his eyes were green, too.

Demyx caught his eyes, opened his mouth as if to say something, but then looked away with a faint blush. "I-I'm not _in _a band, I _am _the band," he said with a short, nervous laugh, holding onto his guitar with one hand as he reached up with the other to run through his short spikes. "Just guitar and vocals..."

"I offered to play the tambourines," Axel said with a playful sigh. "But he said he didn't need that kind of percussion." As he spoke, he shifted forward on the grass to sit on the stone wall, draping his legs over it and settling close beside Riku with his thigh touching his. "Play something anyway. You're good." Here he looked at Riku, grinning. "He's going to be famous after high school, just wait."

"Axel," Demyx groaned, "stop." But, from the tiny smile pulling at his lips, it was obvious that Demyx appreciated the attention. He reached into his open backpack nearby and pulled out a black guitar pick. "But I'll play something..."

Riku relaxed, keeping his tray balanced in his lap as he picked up his sandwich to eat. As Demyx strummed the first few notes of his song, Riku felt more at ease than he had ever been around his other lunch mates. Even when he felt Axel's hand rest on his thigh. The movement was hidden by Riku's tray to where no one in the surrounding area could see it, but it made Riku jolt a little. Sandwich held to his mouth, he felt his cheeks heat, the warm weight of Axel's hand feeling less like a tease and more like a right.

"Her green plastic watering can..." Demyx started to sing, his mousy voice taking on a mellow, almost lamenting lull, "...for her fake Chinese rubber plant... in the fake plaaa-astic earth."

Each time his voice trailed off in a dulcet tone, his hand moved the pick subtly faster and harder against the strings.

"That she bought from a ruuubber man..."

It almost looked as though the more he played, the less he cared about who listened, and he unwound into his own music, seeming to forget Riku and Axel were there.

"...in a town full of ruuubber plans... to get riii-iid of itself."

He did have a great voice, and the ease at which he played made Riku envy the outlet, wish he had something he was that good at and loved, something that could make the world fade away.

"And it wears her out...it wears her out..."

Axel's hand gently squeezed, and instead of stiffening at the pleasant feeling it created, Riku leaned toward Axel, resting his shoulder against the other boy's as he ate his sandwich. Riku closed his eyes, slowly chewing, listening to Demyx's voice soften.

"...it wears her out..."

Then, calmly, he curled his free hand against Axel's wrist, brushing his thumb over his knuckles, just a subtle sign of affection. But it spoke volumes for both of them.

"It wears her out..."

Demyx's words faded, his fingers stilled, and the hum of the strings gradually dwindled like a waning tide. When Demyx fell silent, the rest of the world returned to Riku, the buzz of voices and the rustling of autumn leaves and the clack of trays and forks. It had been two minutes of pure tranquility and comfort for Riku. He knew right then that he had made the right choice to be with them.

"That was amazing," Riku said, glancing at Demyx as he released Axel's wrist. He felt the redhead's hand relax against his thigh again. "Is there more to the song, or...?"

The musician gave shy laugh, reaching up to run a hand through his spiky hair again, the pick still between his fingers. "Y-Yeah, there is... I just don't like singing in front of a lot of people."

"He's shyer than _you_," Axel cut in with a lazy, amused tone. "Always been that way. Demy, why don't you play something _you_ wrote?"

"What am I, your personal minstrel?" came the dry response, but Demyx was already lowering the pick to the strings again, preparing for another song. "Alright, this one's romantic, so don't start grabbing each other again..."

Riku's back straightened and he blushed, but Axel just laughed, his hand squeezing Riku's thigh again before slipping away. And as Demyx began his next song, Riku couldn't help joining in with his own quiet laughter.

-o-o-

After Critical Approaches let out, Riku lingered in the classroom, waiting for the other students to file out before he approached Saïx, who was shuffling the in-class writings they had just turned in. He glanced up when he noticed Riku was still there.

"Yes, Mr. Edenbrook?" he asked smoothly, his golden eyes lowering, noticing what Riku was carrying.

Riku handed him his sheet of paper, offering a small smile. "I wanted to ask you a question about my paper topic. The research paper," he said, watching as Saïx's slender hand took his work and added it to the pile.

Saïx clipped the bunch of papers together and set them down before he glanced up again, settling Riku with an interested look. "Go ahead."

"The other day, when you went over Norse mythology," Riku said as he slowly drew closer, "I was fascinated by the tales of the berserkers." His hand reached up to his shoulder to hold the strap of his satchel, and he tilted his head slightly, his smile turning sly. "And you seemed to spend a lot of time focusing on them, so I thought it would be fun to do more research on, for my paper."

Saïx didn't miss the shift in Riku's expression. Looking pleased, he crossed his arms and leaned back against the desk, half sitting. "You might have difficulty finding sources for such a paper, but I have a few books in my office that might be useful. What do you think your thesis would be?"

"I will probably focus on studying its likely roots and how it applies to today's modern world," Riku said. "Such as the possible psychological and sociological factors behind the myths."

At this, Saïx raised an eyebrow, clearly impressed. "That will definitely be difficult. It sounds quite complicated for a simple mythology course, Mr. Edenbrook."

Riku's smile spread knowingly. "I don't think your course is simple at all, Professor DeLuna. I love mythology, and I appreciate the effort you put into your teaching. I just want to show some of my own enthusiasm, that's all."

"Just Saïx," his professor corrected, gently nodding. "And... very well."

"Then just call me Riku," he replied, earning a smirk from Saïx. "And any books would help. Should I come by your office?"

Saïx was watching him closely now, as if trying to discern Riku's intentions. "That would be the best thing to do, yes. When should I expect you?"

Adjusting his satchel, Riku lifted his gaze to the ceiling, thinking. "Probably the week before winter break," he said after a moment. "I know your office hours, so I'll pick a day in December."

Saïx gave an approving nod and pushed away from the desk. "Very well," he said, turning around and pretending to busy himself with picking up his lecture notes and students' work. "I look forward to reading more of your work after the break, then. You're one of my best students."

_One of? _Riku wondered, feeling slightly disheartened. He wondered who _else_ got perfect grades on their in-class writings and made as much of an effort during lecture to pay attention and ask the perfect questions.

When Saïx turned back around, he had on a teasing half smile. "And I only say _one of_ my best students," he said, as if reading Riku's mind, "because I am not allowed to say _the _beststudent. But you are. And it's always a pleasure to read your papers, Riku."

Riku's worries vanished, washed away by the intense satisfaction of hearing that from his gorgeous professor's lips. Riku was his favorite student. What more could he want? For once, he didn't feel bitter towards his aunt for making him work as hard as she did. It paid off in this class, and he'd work twice as hard just to hear his name spoken by that silky voice again.

"Thanks," Riku said, and though he had no idea what else to say, his delighted expression probably gave it all away. He was sure he was grinning like an idiot, but it didn't matter because Saïx's words had made him feel as if he could take on the world now.

-o-o-

As winter approached, he and Axel shared a few more kisses, but nothing nearly as intense as their first time in that abandoned grocer. Riku yearned for more of that exhilarating contact, but Axel only initiated a kiss here and there, mostly where no one could possibly see. A few times in the alley beside the café, twice in the hallway at school, and six times at lunch behind the pear tree when the courtyard was almost empty right before the bell.

It wasn't enough. Riku was left unsatisfied each time, that fluttering in his stomach telling him what he really wanted. But it wouldn't come. Axel never went further than their sensual kisses and an occasional lingering touch somewhere that made Riku's blood feel like fire.

When four weeks had finally passed since that afternoon in the grocer, Riku began to notice how Axel kept watching him expectantly, how Axel only initiated the kiss when he was sure _Riku _wasn't going to do it. Axel was unsure of Riku's interest in him. That had to be the reason.

_"Don't you dare kiss any boys except me!"_

But Riku had a promise to keep.

The grinning boy in the picture by his bed would never forgive him if he failed to keep it, if he gave into temptation and leaned in one day and pleased Axel by starting a kiss of his own. It was a silly notion, Riku realized, because he was fairly sure he'd never see Sora again. But when he thought about how much he wanted to be with Axel like an equal, not always having to wait for those luscious kisses, he felt like he was tainting his memories of Sora. Somehow, he knew, if he ever did break that promise, he'd always regret it.

Riku never wanted to look back on his memories with Sora and feel shame.

-o-o-

"C'mon, put your books away," Axel whined, slouching against the café table. He fixed a pointed pout at Riku, but Riku, who was beginning to feel the pressure of midterms in his classes, didn't find the look cute at all. If anything, it looked foreign on Axel's face.

Riku laughed a little, as he'd been doing a lot lately, and shook his head, returning his gaze to his Ethics book. "You should be studying, too. The test is coming up," he reminded.

"But you're _always _studying," Axel sighed, sulking for real now.

"What are you going to do if Professor Kramer asks you to name which ethical principle you follow and to explain why?" Riku asked without even looking up.

Axel sat up, dragging a hand through his loose red hair. "Thaaaat I'm a hedonist," he said, flashing Riku a smirk now. "Because, to me, pleasure is the only thing with intrinsic value."

"You'll have to do better than that," Riku said, lifting his eyes from the words on the page. Smiling, he met Axel's gaze. "You know, I can help you with those missing assignments of yours."

Axel shook his head. "Nah, I got it figured out," he said proudly, grabbing his cold drink. "I've done the math in my head. Even if I skip one more assignment, I'll still have enough points to pull off a passing grade for the semester."

It took Riku a moment to wrap his brain around that notion. He was used to doing everything to be _perfect_—that every answer had to be perfect, every assignment had to be turned in, he always had to be present and on time and participate in class. Axel, however, worked on a completely different system. He did everything just to pass, even though he had the capacity to do excellent work. He still chose the easy, lax road.

"Did it... ever occur to you that those reasoning skills could be put to better use?" Riku asked after a minute of silence that was only punctuated with the slurping of Axel and his drink.

Axel paused, licked his lips, and then blinked, confused. "What do you mean?" he asked.

Riku sighed, starting to close his textbook. "Axel, if you _did _all of your work, you'd be at the very top of your class. The _only _reason you're still passing is that you get perfect grades on what you do turn in."

A shrug was his reply at first, Axel seemingly unconcerned. He set his drink back down, smiling now. "True," he admitted, but there was something in his eyes that told Riku he didn't completely agree. That hint of mischievousness that was a part of Axel's nature never truly left him, even when he was serious. "But in the end, who really cares about numbers?" he pointed out.

Riku didn't understand what he was pointing out, though. "Of course they care about numbers," he said.

"Not where _I'm_ going," Axel replied. "The portfolio counts more. Everyone knows that art professors—photography included—are as biased as hell. They look at your work, not your numbers."

"Well, for us less talented individuals, the numbers count," Riku snapped back. "Especially if you have an aunt like mine, who expects no less than one hundred percent all the time, no matter the circumstances, even if my classes are for people with two more years of experience than what I have."

"Then tell your aunt to fuck off," Axel said with a small laugh, as if it were that easy, as if Riku's stressful life was something he could just quit one day. But as Axel leaned forward, that lively gleam still in his eyes, Riku couldn't deny that his words were exactly what he'd been waiting to hear ever since his Freshman year had ended. "Did it ever occur to _you_," Axel said, playing off Riku's earlier statement, "that you don't really have to be perfect for people to still like you?"

Riku, who was left wondering what all of his hard work had amounted to, didn't have an answer.

-o-o-

"Hello?"

"Hey Riku."

The voice made him hesitate. Though only one girl really called him, it had been a while since he had heard her voice. "Oh. Olette. Hi..."

"What have you been up to?" she asked. It didn't sound genuine, like it had been an automatic question. Mechanical. Expected.

"Not... much..." he said slowly, ever horrible at lying. He could think of plenty of things he had been up to, but most of them were inappropriate to tell Olette about, and the rest, he felt, just weren't her business anymore. "What about you?"

"Oh, the same," she said. She sounded cheerful. Riku felt a little guilty for not being as honest with her. "I was wondering what you're going to do for Christmas break."

"Work on my research paper," Riku said. He left out the other plans he had been hoping to make, like spending time with Axel and Demyx, especially Axel, especially Axel _alone_, hopefully with lots of tongue and touching involved. "And avoiding my aunt."

"Really? Did you... maybe... want to go with Pence and me? He invited us to go skiing. It'd be in Lachesis somewhere," she said, sounding hopeful. "He left it up to me to ask you. And if you're not going to be too busy with that paper..."

Riku felt himself tense, knowing he had just set himself up to lie. "Oh—I mean... Well, that sounds fun," he stalled, trying to come up with an excuse to say no. He couldn't just tell her he wanted to make out with Axel all through winter break. "But wouldn't you two rather go alone?" he asked, and as soon as those words left him, he realized how they sounded.

Olette was silent for a long moment, but before Riku could come up with anything good to correct himself with, she spoke up again. "I never meant to start excluding you, Riku," she said with soft apology. "I know this year has been really hard for you with your classes and all, and... you're probably really lonely..."

Riku's fingers tightened around his cell phone, and he suddenly found his bedroom floor very interesting. Olette's voice was sincere, and that was the worst part about it. He couldn't even feel bitter for being neglected, especially not now when he _wanted _her to neglect him because he had someone else.

"It's... not your fault," he said quietly. "I let you guys do it. I never wanted to be a bother, so... I just kept myself away."

"We could have made more of an effort to include you, though," Olette said with conviction. "Come with us to Lachesis. Honestly, Pence was scared to ask because he thought you'd be mad at him. He's always thought you were his competition for me, even when I told him you weren't, so he thinks you drifted away because he took me."

Riku quirked a small smile at that, feeling sad, wishing that were the truth. It'd be so much simpler that way. "I never wanted to take you from him," he said. "I'm not interested in any relationships right now." Another lie.

"No?" she asked, sounding curious. "What about Axel?"

Riku froze, his breath catching in his throat. How did she know exactly what he was thinking about? "What about Axel?" he asked cautiously.

"You seemed really excited about him when you first told me about him," she explained. "And now you eat lunch with him. Isn't that considered a new relationship? I'm glad you found another friend."

Oh. Friend. Right. She was talking about _that_ kind of relationship.

"Axel's a good friend," Riku said, his smile spreading.

"You're smiling, aren't you?" she asked.

Once again, Riku was caught off guard. "Why?"

"I can hear it in your voice," she said with a gentle laugh. "And if you're smiling about it, then he must really be a good friend."

Closing his eyes, Riku felt himself grin. "Yeah."

"So then you'll want to spend Christmas with him?"

Now his cheeks were coloring. "Yeah, actually... I just didn't know how to tell you," he admitted. What was she, psychic? Was she going to guess that he might be gay next, too?

She laughed again. "I'll just tell Pence that you have a paper to do, then. It'll be good enough for him," she said, her voice turning fond. "Take care of yourself, Riku. I don't want to see you get hurt."

Get hurt?

Riku returned her laugh before replying. "I'll be fine. He doesn't bite."

Yet.

-o-o-

The week before winter break, when Riku ran into Denzel in the lunch line as he often did, Denzel asked to see him in the locker room after school, before Denzel's track meet. Riku, curious to see what Denzel wanted, went.

When the rest of the track members were outside beginning practice, Denzel remained behind just to talk to Riku.

Well, not _talk_, exactly.

Riku wasn't sure how it happened, but one second, he was asking Denzel what he needed to talk to Riku about, and the next second, Denzel had him pinned against a set of lockers, one arm resting above Riku's head, his other arm curling at Riku's waist.

The small, reticent boy Riku had known from last year had grown into a confident, well-built teenager who, Riku noticed, was now both taller and physically stronger than him. The room smelled of sweat and boy, and Denzel's body was hot against his, and though they were hardly touching, Riku was sure that Denzel could feel the racing of his heart as he stared up at the younger boy in surprise.

His slate blue eyes watched him through auburn bangs, a subtle blush there on his tan skin, but his expression exuded willpower, poise, a kind of self-assurance that Riku wished he had. It was provocative, Riku had to admit, though he had never expected Denzel's crush to turn into something like this.

He probably should have pushed Denzel away or made it clear he wasn't open for Denzel's advances, but he remained frozen to the spot, trapped against the cold lockers and Denzel's firm body, that arm against his waist making him feel downright servile to the pleasant sensations in his gut.

The kiss that came shouldn't have been unexpected, but it still sent a shock through him, his eyes going wide as Denzel's lips tentatively brushed his, seeking affirmation or rejection. When Denzel received neither, he took it as a positive sign and did it again, his hand lightly curling against the small of Riku's back as he kissed more firmly this time, moving his lips slowly, sensually, as if trying to coax a response out of Riku but still enjoying himself without one. When he pulled away from Riku, his eyes half-lidded, and looked as though he wanted to do it again, Riku finally lifted his hands, holding them to Denzel's chest.

"Denzel..."

Denzel hesitated, blinking to clear his mind, and then regarded Riku with a worried look. "Was that too fast?" he asked.

Riku resisted the urge to lick his lips like Axel would, even though they were tingling and he wanted more. "No, it's... I'm already taken, Denzel," he said, and as if admitting that out loud had been admitting it to himself, Riku's cheeks flamed as he realized what he was saying. Was he Axel's? Was Axel his? He didn't even know. All he knew was what he wanted.

Denzel's eyes filled with disappointment, then embarrassment, and he pulled away, clearing his throat, awkward. He wouldn't meet Riku's gaze now. "I'm sorry, then. I... should have asked, instead of assuming, and—"

"No," Riku said, taking a second to breathe deep, trying to control his heart. "N-No, it's okay. I... I liked it. And I like you. Just... not like how I like someone else."

Denzel relaxed, even smiling a little. "So then I wasn't wrong. Because... I wasn't sure for the longest time, but then... you kept doing it, so I thought you might..."

At this vague statement, Riku frowned, not understanding at all. "What do you mean? What was I doing?"

Denzel's brows drew together in confusion. "The way you interacted with me... and kept looking at me. I thought you liked me," he explained, not sounding so sure anymore. "And... sometimes, the way you would casually touch me, or smile... I thought you were _encouraging_ me."

Wait—_what_?

-o-o-

Denzel's words haunted him long after the meeting in the locker room, even as he went to go see Saïx to pick up the books for his research paper.

Riku hadn't been encouraging Denzel, had he? He thought he had been pretty neutral about Denzel's touches and looks, yet... it seemed Riku had been the one to invite him in the first place. Riku hadn't noticed. Maybe Denzel had been imagining it?

_But then again,_ Riku thought, _here I am. _

Standing in front of Saïx's office.

Riku could admit to himself that he had been tempting his professor, completely consciously, purposely. But for fun. He hadn't been meaning to tempt Denzel. And if Denzel had been thinking that way, who else thought that Riku was inviting them to touch him? Was that why he was so susceptible to people's attention?

Worrying his lip, he raised a fist and knocked delicately on the door in front of him. He heard movement—a shift of a chair and the shuffle of shoes against carpet and then the slide of metal against metal as the knob was turned—then the door swung open to admit him.

Saïx stood there in a white dress shirt and a pair of jeans that looked as though they belonged on a teenager. He looked young. He looked _good_. With his blue hair falling over his shoulders and the top three buttons of his shirt undone to show off his pale chest, he also looked inviting in his own right.

Riku swallowed, wet his lips, and then lifted his eyes, his gaze trailing up from Saïx's open shirt to his slender neck and then his feminine face.

"I came to pick up those books for my paper?" Riku said.

"You don't sound too sure about that," Saïx mused, stepping away from the doorway to let Riku in. "Come in."

Riku obeyed, his nerves immediately rising on edge. As Saïx moved to the large bookshelf that took up three-fourths of the room, Riku's eyes followed him, trained to the way his hips moved in those jeans. Saïx leaned up, standing on his tip-toes to reach some of the books, and as his arms raised, so did his shirt, exposing a pale line of skin along his hips and back, showing Riku how low those jeans were settled. Riku tilted his head, discreetly eyeing Saïx's abdomen as well, wondering if he could spot a happy trail and if the hair there was blue, too.

When Saïx caught him staring again, neither of them looked surprised, and Riku offered a smile, feeling more brash than usual. Saïx just subtly smirked, holding the books out for him.

"I expect your paper to be excellent, Riku."

Riku took the books, filled with assurance. "It will be," he said. "Thanks for the sources."

And as he left Saïx's office, Saïx's stare only encouraged him. Riku was beginning to understand just how dangerous he could be.

-o-o-

"Your grades have dropped."

Riku knew he was in deep shit as soon as he heard his aunt behind him. He calmly finished spreading the dressing on his sandwich even though his heart was now trying to run a marathon. He knew she'd somehow find out about his not-so-perfect test scores in Ethics and Physics, but he hadn't been expecting this so soon.

"Are you listening?"

Her voice sounded thin, very thin, as if any wrong word could be the stray foot to slip through the ice there.

He responded with only a small nod, slowly wiping his knife clean on the bread. He had been starving a few minutes before, but now the thought of eating made his stomach turn.

No matter what excuse he gave, she wouldn't understand. The tests had been hard, the studying had been tedious, he'd had a hard time concentrating in class, and to top it off, he no longer found importance in being her perfect little bird. He wanted out of his cage, but he wasn't sure if he could escape.

"_What_ you were thinking when you made those mistakes, I'm afraid to ask, but you better have gone to your professors and asked for extra credit to raise those grades," she said in one breath, still thin, still like ice, almost a hiss. "If you lose your ranking, I'll be forced to hire a tutor. Do you know how embarrassing that will be?"

Again, Riku gave a small nod, not trusting himself to speak.

"Do you even _care_?" she demanded as she moved forward, her heels against the tiled kitchen floor sounding like gunshots, making him tense.

He was expecting her touch before it even came. Her fingers were a cold vise against his wrist, jerking him around to face her. Her other hand clamped under his chin, fingers digging into his cheeks, and forced him to look in her direction. Somewhere, he heard his knife drop, and he hoped some of the dressing spattered onto her expensive shoes. He met her angry eyes and felt his own defenses rising, tired of being treated like this.

"_Well_?" she hissed.

Riku pulled out of her bruising grip and pushed her away with his arm, glaring back at her. "No, I _don't _care. I don't care if you get mad, I don't care if I'm not a perfect student," he snapped, watching her face fill with disbelief. "People will still like me if I'm not perfect, even if you won't. I'm tired of living my life the way _you _want me to just because you're scared I'll end up like my father!"

Her expression twisted into the angriest look he had ever seen on her, and he realized this was the first time he had ever really stood up to her. Her hand reached out to snatch his wrist again, but he pushed her away harder.

"_Don't _touch me!" he snapped.

She stepped back, but her fury didn't fade, her eyes like green fire. "You little _ingrate_."

Before he could test her anymore, Riku abandoned his sandwich and rushed to his room, knowing she wouldn't follow him. Though this was their first real fight, she was used to him holing himself up in his room and was probably expecting him to do so now. But he had other plans tonight.

He didn't want to be here.

Grabbing his phone and throwing on Axel's hoodie, he speed dialed his driver.

"Edenbrook?" Rude answered in his somber way. Riku would always be glad he had him for a driver.

His voice thankfully remaining steady, he kept his message short. "Rude, pick me up." Then he hung up without waiting for confirmation and text messaged Axel, praying for a fast response. It came as quickly as it usually did, as if Axel was within two feet of his phone at all times, and the response was what Riku had been hoping for.

Ten minutes later when Rude arrived, Riku wasted no time in hurrying down the stairs to the front doors, ignoring his aunt's shrill yelling as it chased his back. "Where do you think you're going at this time of night? Riku! You can't go out wearing that filthy _rag_! Reeee_eee_ku! _Stop_ this instant!"

Riku only replied with a raised middle finger before he slammed the door shut behind him.

As usual, Rude asked no questions and expected no explanation, even though Riku was usually nicer to him. Riku just gave him the directions and relaxed in the backseat, unsure if he felt like his life was crumbling around him or blossoming with new opportunities.

His aunt was going to ride his ass for weeks after this, but hopefully it would be worth it just to taste this freedom.

The drive took another fifteen minutes at this time of night, and Axel was waiting for him on his porch when Rude pulled the car up to the curb. Axel didn't ask any questions either and offered Rude a nod before he took Riku inside his house, an arm draped around his waist. His parents were nowhere to be seen—maybe sleeping—but Riku had never heard anything about them from Axel. His place was quiet, small, cozy. Warm. It wasn't Riku's _home_, and therefore he liked it immediately.

Axel's room was on the first floor, and though it was spacious, three of the walls were completely covered in pictures. They were photographs, mostly, but also posters—bands, movies, unknown people, and famous works of art. Everything about his room screamed eccentric, from the checkered wall by his bed, the black spread over his sheets, the Oriental light fixtures, the wind chimes and bells and lines of more pictures hanging from the ceiling, the yellow and red spiral rug on the floor, to the way CDs, clothes, rolls of film, and other odd items were strewn haphazardly everywhere. Riku had never seen so much chaos in one room before, but somehow, the complete disarray and cluttered state _fit _at the same time. It was Axel. Anything less would have been someone else, something disappointing.

"So," Axel said lightly to prompt Riku into speaking, "Princess Jasmine finally ran away from the palace?"

Riku's situation hit him again, and he suddenly felt tired. He moved towards Axel's bed without a word, and Axel darted ahead of him, pulling back the spread so he could instead lay on the sheets beneath. Riku gave him a grateful look and curled up on the worn mattress. Axel climbed into the bed beside him, an arm circling Riku's waist and pulling him gently against his own body, the warmth comfortable between them.

His hand made a slight fist over Riku's stomach, clenching into his own hoodie, and he murmured into Riku's hair. "Your aunt is a cunt."

Riku closed his eyes and fought not to cry.

-o-o-

"Try it."

Riku looked down as Axel slid one of his iced coffees in front of him, creamy brown with a swirl of whipped cream and chocolate drizzled on top: plastic-perspiring perfection. Except there was one problem.

"It's freezing outside," Riku said, bundled up in a black trench coat. He had even considered moving to a warmer spot in the café, since the areas by the windows tended to feel twenty degrees colder, but tradition had won him over and he had stayed at his bar stool.

But Axel just grinned at him as if he knew he could make Riku cave to his whims just by continuing to give him that carefree look of his.

It worked.

With a sigh, Riku pulled off the top of the offered drink and, after removing the paper from the straw, he slipped it into the smooth concoction of coffee, chocolate, and ice. Thinking about how nice his warm latte had been, Riku took a drink, automatically shivering as the frozen treat hit his tongue. The taste was rich, a great blend of strong flavors that managed not to outdo each other.

"Mm..."

Riku pulled back from the straw, glanced up, and licked his lips to tease Axel, who looked pleased.

"I take it you liked it, then," the redhead laughed.

"Yeah, it's not too bad," Riku admitted.

"From that sexy little hum you gave, I'd say it was more than 'not too bad,'" Axel teased, winning one of Riku's blushes, who looked away and stared pointedly out the window.

"Too cold for my liking," he murmured, feeling Axel's eyes on him. He tried to pay attention to the snowy landscape outside, watching people in their dull winter colors pass through the streets, hurried and alone. Occasionally a couple would pass by, hands clasped and walking slowly, moving as one, looking warm and at peace. Riku kind of wished he could be like that couple with Axel, but they weren't close enough for that, and Riku wasn't even open about liking another boy yet...

"They always taste better when it's cold outside for some reason," Axel explained, and Riku heard him rummaging around in the bag he had brought with him today.

Distracted, Riku didn't reply. He reached for the frozen drink again without looking, and his thumb accidentally dipped into the whipped cream. Riku kept his gaze out the window as he lifted his thumb and impulsively cleaned it with a lazy lick.

A bright flash snapped him out of his daze, making him jump. He whirled his head around to glare at Axel, who had just taken a picture of him. It was the first time Riku had seen him with his camera out—but it should have been when Riku was ready! Hadn't he told Axel he hadn't wanted any pictures of him taken?

"Axel!" he cried, half accusatory and half incredulous, as Axel began laughing again.

"I couldn't help it! You just make me want to take pictures all the time," Axel said, his grin fading into a smile that was almost fond. "And I had to give into temptation today, even if you don't like it."

This wasn't how Riku had wanted to start off his winter break, but... Axel seemed so sincere about it. Riku couldn't stay mad at him.

"Could you give a little warning next time?" he asked.

As if that had been all Axel had needed for permission, he lifted the camera again, adjusting the lens. "Say cheese!" he said, and before Riku could protest, another picture was taken.

"I meant a _bigger _warning!"

Axel only laughed again, and Riku knew right then that his picture dodging days were over.

-o-o-

Christmas was fast approaching, and this year had brought him a challenge. He had no idea what kind of present to get Axel. The two of them weren't officially together, and even if they _were_, Riku didn't know what couples got each other, let alone two _boys_.

He wasn't used to worrying about shopping for other people because the few people who were constant in his life really didn't care what he got for them, though he always liked the process of looking for things they'd like anyway. For his aunt, he'd gotten one of those new Ars Arcanum purses she had been eyeing (to make up, in part, for being an asshole to her lately); for Pence, he'd already picked out a new Dogstreet jersey; and for Olette, he had found a fuzzy white earflap hat and a matching white scarf with red pom-poms at the ends. Even Demyx had been easy—he'd gotten top quality hair gel for his wild hairdo.

But Axel?

Axel was... more than just special. Whatever he got him, it had to be perfect.

-o-o-

Riku had been perusing one of Saïx's books for his report when a sudden hum from his cell phone startled him. Setting his bookmark in place, he placed the well-marked text down in his lap and reached for his phone on the table.

A text message from Axel, and it was the question he had been expecting for days.

-_So what are you going to get me?_-

Riku had already prepared his answer, too, and he smiled down at the screen as he typed it in.

_-Depends on if you're naughty or nice-_

He hit _Send _and waited with his cell phone on his knee, wondering if Axel would reply right away like usual. Lightly tracing his fingers over the worn spine of Saïx's book, he stared off into the dim lighting of the music room where he was resting, letting the mellisonant sounds of violin and piano soothe him. Less than a minute later, his phone buzzed with Axel's response.

_-What do I get if I'm naughty?-_

Riku felt his cheeks color, and, forming another light smile, he replied again.

­_-Try it and find out-_

It was easy to be playful when Axel wasn't there in front of him and studying every change in his expression. He wondered how Axel was reacting at that very moment to his little flirt.

When the buzzing announced Axel's next response, Riku was expecting a snarky comeback. He instead got an invitation.

­_-Meet me at the cafe tomorrow night at 7. Dress casual.-_

He stared at the message and reread it a few times in curiosity. To be honest, Riku wasn't sure he had any clothes that someone like Axel would consider casual. What did Axel have in mind? Was he taking him somewhere like he had that day with the grocer?

Closing his cell phone, Riku curled his hand around it and pressed it against his chest. He closed his eyes, listening to the swell of strings and piano fill the room. When the music began to draw into a lull, he picked Saïx's book up and rose from the chair, knowing he wouldn't be able to read anything else with Axel haunting his mind.

-o-o-

There were only five days left before Christmas, and Riku still did not know what to get Axel. He was hoping that tonight's meeting would give him some ideas.

He followed the text message's instructions, and at precisely seven o'clock, he approached the café wearing clothes he'd bought earlier that day with Axel in mind: low-top sneakers, cargos, and a black graphic tee hidden under a slender maroon sweater and a brown corduroy jacket. Not that he thought Axel would get to see all of the layers, but just the change of style made Riku feel like a new person underneath it all, and he was brimming with anticipation for whatever Axel had planned.

Axel was waiting in the same spot as last time, outside the café and leaning against the wall. He had his hands tucked into his own jacket—denim, littered with buttons and patches, and well-loved—and he glanced up as Riku approached.

"Right on time!" he called, breaking into a smile. He stepped away from the wall, all the while studying Riku. "And you... look different," he noted.

Riku couldn't help grinning, not caring if it made him look like an idiot. "You told me to dress casual," he reminded.

"Right, right," Axel said, still staring, sounding distracted. He rubbed his chin, lips pulling into a pleased expression. "You know, I'm beginning to think you'd look good in _anything_."

Laughing, Riku slipped his hands into the front pockets of his jacket, trying not to feel too excited as Axel openly admired him. Just a few weeks ago, he would have felt more self-conscious than anything. Now he seemed to welcome the attention.

"You're also laughing a lot lately," Axel said in a smug way, grabbing a handful of Riku's jacket to tug him close. Riku let out a small yelp as he stumbled forward, and grabbed Axel's waist to catch his balance. A hand caught his hip to help steady him, and Riku almost wound up in his arms.

Suddenly all too aware of where they were, in front of the café and in plain sight, Riku now felt that insecure feeling creep into him, but he resisted the urge to pull away from Axel's warm body.

"Am I?" Riku asked, looking up.

Axel lifted a hand and brushed back Riku's bangs to better see his eyes. "Yup. And it makes me wonder..."

"Wonder what?" Riku asked, still smiling, liking the way Axel's hand had remained on his hip.

"If I've earned the right to know more about you," Axel said, raising his eyebrows in challenge.

Oh, that.

A chill crept through Riku, reminding him of that playful text message from so many weeks ago. It had been a temporary solution, but he had hoped Axel would have forgotten it by now. Yet he hadn't, and Riku's fear was still there. What if Axel came to realize there was nothing to _know _about Riku? What if he got bored with him?

Keeping his smile steady, Riku glanced away, pretending to be teasing when he was just trying to think of another way to dodge the subject. "Well, do you think you have?" he asked.

But Axel was ahead of him. "Ohh no you don't," he warned lightheartedly, poking at Riku's sides. "No more playing coy mistress! I don't think I've earned it, I _know _I have, 'cuz your laugh is too open and happy to be a fluke, so spill the beans!"

Riku squirmed at the poking, still not used to being touched, playfully or not, but the nervous laugh he gave wasn't just because of the ticklish response of his body. Axel's words worried him. "A-Alright!" he said, pulling away from Axel as he tried to get another poke in. "But there really isn't much for you to know," he tried to joke.

Either he was completely unconvincing, or Axel really was talented at seeing right through him, because Axel wasn't about to let him go. "Aww, is Riku afraid I won't find him interesting?" he teased, using Riku's jacket to tug him close again.

Riku said nothing, though he was probably gaping, and Axel undoubtedly took his reaction as a positive sign. He just gave Riku a knowing smirk.

"Trust me, no one's as mysterious as they think they are," he said. "And whatever I find out about you can't be any more embarrassing than what I found out about Demy, and can't be any more boring than my own life." Then, sincerely, he added, "Seriously."

Riku lowered his head with a smile on his lips. He felt that warmth—that warmth he'd begun associating with Axel—slowly unfurl inside of him, making him feel relaxed and flustered at the same time. "I don't know what things you'd find interesting," he admitted.

Axel's nose nuzzled against his jaw, and his reply was murmured. "Anything. Start with the basics. What you want to be when you grow up."

A dry laugh escaped Riku. "I don't know what I want to be when I grow up," he said. "I never have. I don't have any real dreams or... goals."

Axel let him pull away, but he didn't release Riku's arm. His smile was composed as if Riku's words weren't something to worry about at all. "Well," he said, "let's make you some. Whaddya say?"

Riku regarded him skeptically. "After fifteen years, I still have no direction, yet you think you can help me come up with a future just like that?"

Shrugging, Axel started to turn away from the café, tugging Riku's arm to get him to follow. "It sounds to me like you've lived a pretty sheltered life," he said. "Sheltered means you don't have too many experiences, and experiences are the things that let you know who you are, what you're good at, and give you an idea about what you want out of life. So we're going to give you some experiences."

"Aaand... where are we going?" Riku asked, almost afraid to know, but he let Axel guide him anyway.

"To the place I told you to dress casually for," Axel explained, flashing a smirk at him over his shoulder. "Did I ever tell you about Larxene?"

Axel hadn't, but Riku was sure he'd find out.

-o-o-

Riku recognized her immediately. As soon as the door swung open and Riku saw that flash of blonde hair rush past him, he knew.

"Axelll!!" a shrill voice called with—was that _glee_?

The blonde who had opened the door had practically pounced Axel upon sight, and now Axel was trying to keep his balance while fending off the skinny girl squeezing him in a death grip. She looked just like the naked girl in Axel's portfolio—same face, same hair color, and even the hairstyle was similar. Well then. Riku's assumption must have been right. Judging from her happy greeting, she must have been really close to Axel.

"H-Hey, Larxy...!" Axel said with a laugh that sounded nervous, almost like he was expecting something to happen. It did. Larxene's fist slammed into Axel's arm, connecting so hard that Riku not only heard the impact, it also earned a yelp of pain from Axel. "Ow—jeez—_fuck_, _Larx_!"

"That's for never calling me back!" she yelled, all glee gone now, her pretty face twisted into a downright scary glare.

Axel rubbed his abused arm, looking like a wounded puppy. "I _did, _bitch."

"Dick!" she shot back. "Two _weeks _is a bit late!"

"Can we yell about this later?" Axel asked in a pleading way, casting a glance back at Riku.

Her gaze flitted away from Axel for the first time and landed on Riku, who had been staring at the girl in a kind of perplexed way. As she studied the quiet boy, her brows furrowed, unfurrowed, then quirked upward in curiosity, her anger already gone. "And who is sh... he... that _is _a boy, isn't it?" she asked skeptically.

Riku didn't like how she hadn't had the decency to ask Axel about him when he _wasn't _standing right there. "I _am_, yes," he said, crossing his arms.

A strange smile pulled at her lips, and Riku wasn't too sure he trusted it. "Pretty boy has an attitude," she commented, and her tone was much too saccharine to be genuine. "What are you, Ax's new fuck buddy?"

Perhaps it was her completely shameless attitude, perhaps it was the fact that the question had been so forward, or perhaps it was the insinuation that he and Axel had already had sex, but whatever it was, it stunned Riku to silence, with a blush on his face and his jaw hanging open and everything.

What made it worse, however, was that Axel wasn't even fazed. With a laugh, he mussed Riku's hair and told Larxene, "He's not like that, chica."

Larxene's painted lips pulled into a downright impish curl. "Oh, so he's a virgin, then?"

Usually Riku was the kind of person who could handle meeting new people without too much discomfort. Axel had successfully broken through that collected demeanor. But Larxene? She rose to a whole new level. Riku had never met a girl so utterly... bold. She was the kind of girl his aunt would go to great lengths just to avoid, and she would break into a fit of hysteria if she knew Riku was being exposed to one. As such, Riku was curious about Larxene and honestly a bit scared.

What threw him off was that she said _virgin _like it defined him.

And Axel still laughed about it. "Larxy-babe, you're embarrassing him," he said, his arm now resting across Riku's shoulders. Riku suspected Axel wanted to display him, and he wasn't sure he liked that... but least Axel was trying to protect him from the garish blonde.

"Well, why _else_ wouldn't you have fucked him yet," Larxene stated more than asked, then said quite plainly: "He has to be a virgin." Her smirk spread. "You're waiting til he's ready!"

It was Axel's turn to fight off embarrassment. He rubbed the back of his head and gave a sheepish chuckle. That was all Larxene needed.

She stepped up to Axel and Riku, and looked right at Axel as she patted Riku's cheek, her voice taking on that phony sugariness again. "Aww, how _sweet_ of you, Axhole." Then she turned her gaze downward, offering Riku a tight-lipped smile. "Come on in."

As she turned away and disappeared back into her house, Axel breathed out a sigh of relief and squeezed Riku's shoulder. Evidently Riku hadn't been the only one unsettled by Larxene's presentation.

"Sorry about that," Axel whispered as he led Riku inside. "She can be a bit, uh... yeah. You know." He quietly laughed some more as he closed the door behind them. "Guess I should have warned you about her first."

"Uh... yeah," Riku replied in a low tone. It would have helped if he had been mentally prepared for defending himself.

He followed behind Axel as he glanced around the dim interior of Larxene's place and wondered if she lived here alone. Probably not. It looked a lot like Olette's home—normal, comfortable, clean but not pristine. It had touches that people lived there, like a stray plate left on a coffee table, an open book lying facedown on the arm of a sofa, and a pair of flip-flops resting haphazardly on the carpet (it was winter—why were there flip-flops there?). Little things, normal things. Things he didn't have in his own home.

Axel seemed to know where he was going around the house, however, because even though Larxene was already out of sight, Axel directed him to a door next to the kitchen and into the backyard. "She likes to pick on people she just meets," he explained, and before Riku could give an offhanded reply, Axel grabbed his shoulder and paused in front of a smaller building, where the sound of a heavy bass pulsed through the walls. He gave Riku a concerned look and searched his face. "You okay?"

Riku glanced away from the nearby door to meet Axel's green eyes, and offered a smile, though his heart wasn't in it. "Yeah." He smoothed out his jacket and breathed in, not even sure why he felt a little nervous. "Yeah. I was just surprised, that's all."

To be honest, he wanted to ask about the photo he had seen in Axel's album, of the naked blonde girl who was undoubtedly Larxene. But he didn't know how to word it right just yet.

"Alright, just making sure," Axel said, buying it. Then he winked and squeezed Riku's hip and turned him towards the door of the small building. "In we go."

Axel took off his denim jacket and convinced Riku to relinquish his own because the back room had a heater and was warm enough. It was some sort of entertainment room separate from the main house, like it had been built for the sole purpose of housing a pool table, giant wide-screen television, liquor cabinet and wet bar, and futon. It even had its own restroom. The music he had heard from outside came from a series of speakers stationed around the room, drowning Riku in surround sound heavy metal.

He was grateful when it suddenly shut off and he heard a familiar voice call out to him.

"Hey, look who's here!"

Riku spotted Demyx lounging on a second futon on the opposite side of the pool table. His closed guitar case was resting next to him, and Riku smiled at the sight, already relaxing. Something about Demyx's presence made this get together suddenly much more comfortable.

As it turned out, the get together was nothing special. Axel, Larxene, and Demyx hung out together like that every few days when Larxene's parents went out of town, and since Demyx sometimes brought other people along, Axel had decided to introduce Riku. When Riku figured this out from the pieces of conversation around him, he felt even better about this. It meant Axel was opening up to him a little more. After all, Axel was now introducing him to his other friends, and possibly even an ex-girlfriend.

Soon after Axel and Riku's arrival and some playful banter, with Larxene prodding Riku with personal questions, Demyx ordered pizza because Riku was hungry, and Axel decided to show Riku how to shoot pool while they waited for the food to arrive.

Riku didn't want to at first, but with Larxene there, he felt almost like he needed to prove himself of something, and so he agreed. He was glad he did because Axel definitely made it worth his while. Even though it was embarrassing being so close to Axel in the presence of other people, he liked the empowering feeling he got whenever Axel's hips pressed against his backside, and how Axel's voice dropped an octave as he explained the rules, his hands touching Riku's hands and arms and hips to position him just right. Riku couldn't help the flutter in his stomach whenever he saw Axel's slender fingers stroke the shaft of the cue stick before shooting the cue ball towards a colorful one nearby.

By the time they had sunk seven balls, Axel made Riku try on his own, and Riku found it difficult to angle the cue stick just right as Axel followed him around the pool table, purposely pressing close behind him, even slipping his hand along Riku's inner thigh when they had the pool table between them and the others couldn't see Axel's hand. Riku messed up every time, either missing the cue ball completely or making it bounce, all because of Axel's gropes and how suggestive that partial erection against his ass felt. He was beginning to think Axel had as little shame as Larxene did, but...

Oddly enough, he felt alive.

"If you keep groping him like that, he's never gonna learn how to play right," Larxene teased from across the room, and Demyx followed suit with quiet laughter as Riku's face reddened.

Axel's response was to lean forward, nip the shell of Riku's ear, and pull away to give him some space. Reeling from the contact and blatant flirting, Riku felt exposed without Axel right there against him. On the bright side, however, the next time he tried to shoot at a ball, he actually hit it. He continued around the table, practicing shooting at the balls, well aware they were probably still watching him and not the TV they had turned on. His suspicions were proven correct after his second successfully pocketed ball.

"So, pretty boy," Larxene piped up, "how long have you known?"

Riku paused before rounding the table for his next shot, and offered her a confused look. With a raspberry Italian soda in hand, she was sitting there on the futon next to Demyx, who had his guitar out now, but he had stopped plucking at the strings to watch Larxene antagonize Riku.

"Have I known what?" Riku wondered.

"That you're gay," she said, tapping a pink fingernail against her glass. "Or bi. Which is it?"

What kind of random question was _that_? Instinctively, Riku's defenses rose as if challenged, and he replied without thinking.

"Neither." And it wasn't until he saw their confused, disbelieving expressions that he stopped and realized what he had just said. They obviously knew he was into Axel, so of course they weren't convinced he was completely straight. He had to be _something_... Trying not to feel ashamed now, he started to correct himself. "I-I mean..."

But Larxene easily interrupted him. "Axel makes you hot, right?"

Once again, her forward question threw him off, and he hesitated, unsure of how to respond. "W-What?"

"Axel," she said as if it clarified anything, and she smiled at him like he was a four-year-old being cute. "He turns you on." It was a statement this time, not a question.

There was no getting out of this one. All three of them were now staring at him, and he especially could feel Axel's eyes even though the other boy was behind him. He wasn't sure why, but the knowledge that Axel was watching him so expectantly made it easier to respond.

"Yeah..." he said after a moment, feeling his fingers tremble against the pool cue. Axel did more than just turn him on.

"Do other guys?" Larxene continued.

Riku knew the answer to that question as well. His mind automatically strayed to Saïx the last time he had seen him, with those jeans hung low on his hips, and that firm abdomen. Then he thought about Denzel and how hard his body had felt against his own when he had been pinned to the lockers, surrounded by the scent of sweat and other boys. He also thought about Kou Leifoh, the Tai Kwon Do kid, and his finely tuned body and the tattoo at the small of his back, and he thought about the basketball player who had held onto him a little too long, and he thought about the picture of Sora by his bed and how surely Sora had grown and was probably tall and gorgeous as well...

Did other guys turn him on? It was obvious.

"Yeah," he answered.

Larxene's smirk curled a little more. "So then you're at least bi," she announced. Her fine eyebrows drew together as she then regarded Riku with an almost challenging expression. "Do _girls_ turn you on?"

Once again, Riku's mind strayed, and this time he thought about Olette and how her breasts had felt against his back. He thought about the boys in the locker room teasing him about Rikku the cheerleader whose name sounded like his. He also thought about the intelligent Quistis Trepe who was always right behind him in rankings. Then he remembered Axel's photo of Larxene and her bare chest. Not once had he really been attracted to them.

"Not really, no..."

"Most likely gay then," she concluded. She looked away at last and tilted her soda to her mouth, almost in victory.

Some part of Riku still refused to believe it, however, and he had to protest. "I'm not _gay_..." he insisted, and his heart sunk when he heard Axel snicker behind him. He glanced at Demyx, hoping for a defense, but Demyx was softly smiling as well. None of them believed him.

Was he really gay...? Like—_gay _gay?

He'd been fearing it for months, but for it to come out like _this_... It was hard to stomach for a moment. He knew deep down that being gay wasn't necessarily bad, but for someone of his heritage, with an aunt like his who hated anything deviant, and with the great expectations that had been placed on him, being gay was practically a death sentence. Messing around with Axel was one of the best things that had happened to him, but putting a label like 'gay' on it once again put it into perspective for him.

But here were people who didn't mind that he liked other boys. Axel was obviously okay with it, and so was Demyx—and Larxene was okay with them. So why did he feel isolated all of a sudden?

Looking down, he nervously tucked silver hair behind his ear, and tried not to let their stares bother him anymore.

Then he heard Larxene, her voice rising in pitch to that falsely sweet intonation. "Aww, Ax, he's _adorable_..." she said, and Riku knew he was being mocked. Axel and Demyx just laughed again.

In an attempt to draw attention away from himself, he turned to regard Axel, and then glanced at Larxene and Demyx. "What about you guys? Are you...?"

"Bi," was Axel's immediate response, and the lilt to his tone told Riku he was proud of it, too.

"Hehe, bi," Larxene joined in a moment later.

And Demyx was close behind them with a crooked smile. "Just gay," he said.

_Just _gay?

It was at that moment, after Larxene's degrading '_adorable_' and after Demyx's '_just_,' that Riku realized his sexuality was something that may have been a part of his life, but couldn't _be _his life. It didn't define him, just like being a virgin didn't define him. Okay, maybe he really was gay—but so what? Axel and the others didn't care. He shouldn't either. His sexuality determined who he liked and would ultimately have sex with, but liking other guys didn't make him a monster.

He was still Riku.

That revelation consumed Riku's thoughts as he silently began finishing off the pool balls left on the table while the others changed the topic and discussed things outside of his interests. He busied himself with angles, velocity, and force, quickly getting the hang of how to hit the pool balls just right against the sides to aim for the pockets and other balls. Unfortunately, he got distracted when he only had two balls to go because he noticed everyone was getting up. He lowered the pool cue to figure out what was going on.

Demyx caught his gaze and waved him over. "Come help me—you and me are gonna set the table for the pizza. Axel's gonna hang out with Larx for a few minutes while she gets her nicotine fix."

Grateful that at least someone understood his need for information, Riku nodded at the plan.

"You can put the cue up there," Larxene said with a gesture towards the rack on the wall, an unlit cigarette already in her hand. She said it so flippantly that Riku wondered if she really cared what he did. Still, he listened and returned the cue to the wall before joining Demyx as he left the room.

They crossed the frigid outside path to the main house, which was much warmer than the back room, and Demyx easily maneuvered around Larxene's kitchen as if he'd done it a hundred times before. Demyx chattered on about little things such as his new apartment and some new concert coming up while he handed Riku plates and asked him what he wanted to drink. Riku felt comfortable with the other boy, but he continually kept glancing towards the back door, wondering what Axel and Larxene were talking about outside...

The pizza delivery guy arrived when they were still in the kitchen, and Demyx paid the man after chatting a bit with him as well. Something about that amused Riku, who remained relatively silent, letting Demyx dominate the conversation. They set up the coffee table with the plates and pizza and drinks—another thing Riku wasn't used to, but found nice. He never got to eat at the coffee table at home. Heck, he rarely ever sat there.

When Demyx began searching through several hundred channels on the living room TV, Riku decided to check in on Axel and Larxene, curious as to what they were up to. He quietly opened the door and found them sitting on the small step in front of the back room, their legs touching, looking very comfortable and casual with each other. Larxene was almost done with a cigarette, and neither of them had noticed Riku yet.

"...in any case, he's a cute kid," Larxene was saying. "But do what you want. I never stopped you before."

"Yeah..." Axel said, hesitant. "I know what I want, I just..." He sighed and rubbed at his spiky hair. "Argh, I don't know. It could get serious, and you know what'll happen—"

"Yup."

"—and I don't know how I'll tell him. He'll ask me why I didn't tell him earlier, and then I'll feel like a selfish bastard—"

"Yup."

"—and he'll think I was taking advantage of him—"

"Mm-hm."

"—and... _you_ know..." Axel trailed off here and, after sighing in frustration, he chunked a rock across the yard. "I dunno... At the same time, I feel like he needs—"

"Oh, it's the pretty boy."

Riku froze, realizing he had been spotted by Larxene, who was blowing smoke into the cold air and crushing her cigarette butt beneath her boots. When Axel turned and spotted him as well, Riku tried not to look guilty or like he had been standing there eavesdropping.

"Pizza's here," he announced with a smile, feeling convincing enough.

" 'kay," Larxene replied, and she and Axel rose to their feet.

To Riku's surprise, however, Larxene leaned into Axel and gave him a quick peck on the lips. The action was so easy and normal that it confused Riku, who was expecting it to be some sort of joke. But it wasn't. Not noticing Riku's stricken expression, Larxene stepped back and moved towards the house where Riku was, and Axel started to follow.

When Riku didn't budge, both of them gave him funny looks.

"What's wrong?" Axel finally asked.

Riku glanced pointedly at Larxene, who had paused next to him. "Something eating ya?" she asked.

Riku then returned his gaze to Axel, unsure. "You guys..."

But he couldn't finish it. _You guys kissed_. Or maybe he really wanted to say, _You guys used to date...? _He wasn't sure. He didn't understand their relationship, and he didn't think he wanted to. What did that kind of kiss mean? He'd never seen two friends do that before.

Larxene seemed to fill in the rest of Riku's sentence easily, though, and understood what he was worried about. Her sharp laughter rang in the air as she playfully squeezed Riku's arm and once again said, "Oh, Axel, he's _adorable_." Then she released him with another smirk, turned and went inside, and left Riku feeling a little discomfited. Why did she keep calling him that? He knew when he was being mocked, but what reason did she have?

Though Axel didn't laugh this time, Riku could tell he was amused from the way he smiled and ruffled Riku's hair. Maybe that was supposed to be a gesture of comfort, but it only emphasized how inexperienced Riku felt compared to them. "Don't let her get under your skin," Axel assured. "She likes you."

As if Riku really wanted to hear that. They were treating him like he was five, not fifteen. When Axel reached for his hand, defiance bubbled up inside of Riku, and he casually drew his hand away from Axel's as he walked inside to join the others for pizza.

He didn't need to be babied. He didn't _want _to be. He liked it when Axel teased and flirted with him, but he didn't like being humiliated because of his inexperience. In order to protect himself, would he have to begin showing the kind of confidence that both Larxene and Axel so easily held?

He received his silent answer when he sat at the coffee table between Axel and Demyx as Axel slipped an arm around his waist as if nothing was wrong at all. Had Axel not cared that Riku had kind of brushed him off...? Riku suddenly felt stupid for making such a big deal out of Larxene's attitude... The weight of Axel's arm there and the tickle of his fingers against his hip made him realize that if he did want to become as confident as these people, he would have to stop letting other people's opinions bother him.

That was why, even with Demyx next to them and Larxene nearby, Riku relaxed against Axel as they ate and watched TV, Axel's arm around him, and Riku tried something he didn't think he would have at any previous point in their odd relationship.

He calmly slid one of his hands up from Axel's knee to caress his inner thigh, much like Axel had done to him earlier during pool, and he left his hand there. He felt Axel tense slightly, probably with surprise, and Riku allowed himself a small smirk of his own, proud he could get a reaction out of Axel after all. One of Axel's touches could send his mind straight to the gutter; he was glad he had the same affect on Axel.

If someone had asked Riku later that day what they had been watching on TV while he had had his hand there, he wouldn't have been able to answer because his mind wasn't there at all, most of his thoughts focused completely on Axel and the warm feel of their bodies resting so close to one another. He was lost in the comfort, and the television and everyone's idle chatter around him were in a totally different world.

Hence, when the phone rang right next to their couch, he was abruptly snapped out of his little fantasy world, and he unexpectedly jumped. Axel didn't miss the opportunity to chuckle in his ear and stroke his arm as he tried not to be embarrassed. If anyone else noticed, they didn't say anything. Larxene just snatched the phone from its hook and scowled at the caller ID. "It's Arlene, I gotta take this," she announced and grabbed a lighter on her way out the backdoor.

Riku glanced around, expecting more information, but Demyx didn't offer anything this time. He was getting up as well, and with a long stretch of his languid body, he sighed and began to clean up their plates and such. "She's probably going to take a while," he commented, shooting Axel a knowing look. Axel nodded in agreement, once again leaving Riku in the dark, and Demyx headed for the kitchen before Riku could ask anything. Riku turned to Axel next for information—who was Arlene?—but he didn't even get a word out. The question died in his throat when he saw Axel's mischievous grin, and he suddenly got tugged to his feet.

"C'mon," Axel said in a hushed tone, providing no details about where or why.

He simply led Riku down the hallway, leaving Demyx behind—though he had the feeling Demyx was somehow expecting them to sneak off anyway. Axel paused in front of a door at the end and pushed it open, and Riku was surprised to step on a lacy black bra almost immediately upon entering it. Larxene's room? A few posters of scary androgynous people in makeup were on the wall, and a small collection of swords and daggers were displayed on racks. Like Axel, she too had enormous stacks of CDs and scattered objects across the floor. What Riku wasn't expecting from Larxene was the small dressing area with practically a mountain of makeup and even more manicure stuff, such as nail polish of every color imaginable. Then again, Larxene did have nice dagger-like nails of various colors. It all made sense now.

Axel saw him studying the colorful mess and grinned again as he closed the door behind them. "She wants to go into cosmetology, preferably to be a manicurist," he explained, and then reached out to cup Riku's hips.

The situation sunk in at that moment. With the door closed and both of them alone in someone else's bedroom, and with that look Axel was giving him, Riku already felt his body begin to react to his straying thoughts. Was Axel really going to...?

"So, how hot do I make you?"

Yes, yes he was.

Riku was tugged up against Axel and kissed, and that alone was enough to make his heart leap up and race, sending a surge of warmth through him. When Axel's hands cupped his ass and pulled their hips together, and Riku felt a very obvious hardness pressing against him, he lost his sense of composure completely. They hadn't even done anything yet and Axel was already hard?

"Well?" Axel asked in a low murmur and nipped Riku's ear as he squeezed Riku's butt cheeks. "How hot do I make you?"

"Wha—" Riku began, confused as to where this had come from, not that he was complaining, not with the deep thrill he was getting from being cornered and attacked like this. Then he felt Axel's fingers sliding up his back and under his sweater, and he realized that maybe Axel would get to see the layers he was wearing after all.

"Mm, how much do I turn you on?" Axel tried next, a noticeable huskiness in his voice now. Riku now realized where Axel was pulling these questions from—the conversation earlier near the pool table, when Larxene had prodded him about Axel making him hot. Had Axel been thinking about that this entire time?

Apparently he had. Riku curled his fingers into Axel's heavy shirt and smiled, recognizing that flutter in his gut again, not to mention his own growing erection.

How hot did Axel make him? He leaned forward and nuzzled into Axel's neck, murmuring his answer back.

"A lot..."

He felt Axel breathe in, and then there were hands pulling up his sweater, and he helped get out of it, some of his shirt trying to go with it, exposing his stomach briefly. Axel stopped him from smoothing out the black shirt he was wearing, that mischief back in his eyes, and Riku hid a smile as warm hands slid up the shirt and felt along his sides. He arched into the touches, humming a little as a pleasant shiver moved through him, and he welcomed Axel's lips when they covered his own again, immediately drawing him into a heated kiss.

He didn't fight Axel when he was pushed towards the bed. No, he showed his approval by deepening their kiss and trying to coax Axel's tongue out to play with his, loving how easily his body was reacting tonight. And Axel was treating him differently as well; he still had the gentleness that Riku appreciated, but there was an obvious passion there, a taint of impatience, and it told Riku that not even Axel had complete control over this kind of situation. Axel wanted him, and Riku could use that to his advantage.

As he stretched out on his back with Axel on top of him, one of Axel's knees spreading his legs, Riku traced his hands up Axel's shirt in return, and he fully enjoyed the quiet, pleased sound Axel gave him as he explored Axel's bony chest. For once, there was no shame, not even when he heard himself gasp and fight off a giggle because Axel's hair tickled his neck and Axel's wet lips against his throat made him feel giddy. It was new, and he reveled in the thrills running through his body with each firm lick, suck, and bite to his pale skin, wondering if it was this easy to get a hickey, then not caring if it was, because this felt too damn nice to be a one time thing.

Or so he thought—until Axel's attention wandered, and Riku felt a hand close over the front of his pants, circling their relationship right back to where it had started. Riku tilted his head back and made a sound in his throat, a flash of pleasure running straight through him before gathering more heat inside of him. Axel's hand didn't leave, and Riku could feel the pulse of his arousal as he pressed against the confines of his pants just under Axel's warm fingers. It was maddening. Heck, Axel probably knew it was maddening, and that was probably why Axel began to squeeze him.

Riku's mouth dropped open with a heavy gasp as jolts of pure bliss passed through him with each massage of Axel's fingers. The friction was incredible against his trapped erection, and it only got better as Axel's touches varied in pressure and length, making it impossible to think straight—

Well, except the thought for _more_.

Riku's hips arched forward to ask for it, and Axel's lips paused against his jawline so he could chuckle in Riku's ear. Axel's other hand drew back under his shirt and caressed between his shoulder blades just as his fingers rubbed even harder against Riku's bulge, eliciting a quiet groan.

And that was exactly how Larxene found them.

Riku didn't even know how he spotted her standing there because she had been so quiet, but as soon as his dazed state of mind recognized her, his headiness was quick to clear, and he gaped up at her in complete and utter embarrassment.

"A-Ah—Larx...eeeene...!" he gasped, because Axel wasn't quite done groping him yet. "Ahaha...ha..."

Axel tilted his face and nibbled Riku's throat a final time before lifting his gaze to the girl. "Yeah?" he asked. Leave it to Axel to remain completely casual even when caught like this. Not that he had to worry.

Larxene was smirking. She slowly folded her arms over her chest and bluntly stated, "If you're going to molest the minor, at least do it where _I _can't get arrested, alrighty?"

"As if you didn't enjoy watching, Larxy-babe."

Throughout the subsequent conversation, Axel's hand did not budge from Riku's hard-on, and as a result, Riku could hardly think past his hormones let alone think too much about what they were discussing.

"So are you gonna bring your little boy toy to the party?"

"Who's going to be here?"

"The usual. Arlene's gonna be out of town again, so the place is all mine."

"Hehe, okay, let me ask."

Axel's fingers released Riku at last, and though he made a quiet sound of protest, the sight of Axel's pleased grin told him that he'd eventually get to feel more later. It was getting late here anyway, he realized. Axel kissed the corner of his mouth before unexpectedly pinching a nipple, and Riku shot up into sitting position with a yelp and batted Axel's hand away. Now that he wasn't being pinned to the bed and he wasn't thinking with his dick, he had gathered together what coherent thoughts he did have left, and his embarrassment returned full force. Blushing to his ears, he used his discarded sweater to hide his lap from view.

"You in there?" Larxene teased.

Axel tried smoothing Riku's hair down, but with how wide his grin had gotten, Riku could tell he was just waiting for the opportunity to burst into laughter.

"Yeah," Riku breathed, unable to hold back a smile of his own. "...sort of."

"Wanna come to Larxene's Christmas party?" he asked. "It's Christmas Eve and a lot of people will be there. Y'know, for experiences."

That last part nudged at Riku's mind, and he recalled how Axel had told him he was going to give Riku experiences. He'd never been to a large party before, at least not the kind they were insinuating. He was used to the formal dinner 'parties' his aunt sometimes dragged him to because it was expected of him and his family name. Whatever.

"I want to," Riku admitted, and Axel picked up on his hesitation immediately.

"But your aunt is going to be a bitch about it," Axel finished for him. He nodded, pursing his lips to the side in thought, and then sighed and scratched at his red hair. "Well, I guess try your best, and if that doesn't work out, you and me can exchange presents some other time."

Yeah, he probably couldn't work around this. He knew he wouldn't be able to see Axel on Christmas day because he always spent it with his aunt and her side of the family, so...

"I'll try, but..."

"No promises, I gotcha," Axel said easily. He glanced up at Larxene. "We should probably get going, now that I think about it."

"Sure," she said with a little smirk and gestured out her door. Axel helped Riku up, but before they could escape Larxene, she reached out and grabbed Riku's arm with a, "Hold up a sec."

Riku braced himself, thinking for sure she was going to give him a lecture of some kind. "Yeah?"

"What's your name?" she asked.

...what? He'd been at her house for hours and she still didn't know his name?

"Er... Riku," he replied.

"Well, Riku," she said as she pulled his hair to the side and inspected his neck, "you're gonna need to cover those by the time you get home."

Riku clamped a hand over his neck and shot Axel a disbelieving look. _Was _it that easy to get a hickey? If it was, he knew he was doomed to wear turtlenecks all winter!

Axel laughed and pulled Riku away from Larxene and towards the door while shoving Riku's sweater back into his arms. "Don't freak out. She probably won't even notice," he assured, and Riku knew he was talking about his aunt. As the two of them went to retrieve their jackets, he only hoped Axel was right.

-o-o-

As it turned out, Axel _was _right.

Riku easily covered the four love bites with a turtleneck, and when he wasn't within sight of his aunt, he found himself pausing in front of mirrors just to take a peek at the little bruises and smile.

He went out shopping for Axel's present wearing an open collar, displaying his first hickeys with pride.

The problem, of course, was that he still had no idea what to buy Axel for Christmas. He walked along the upscale shopping mall he was used to visiting, but nothing in the windows called out to him as something Axel would even like.

He eventually paused at a jewelry store to examine some of the trinkets in the display cases. Friendship bracelets. He remembered Olette mentioning how popular they were, one time. Matching rings for lovers...? He hesitated, all of the silver and gold gleaming in the synthetic lighting of the shop, and he tried to think about how Axel would react to a gift like that.

But he didn't hear Axel in his head.

_Aww, Axel, he's __**adorable**_

With Larxene's words still haunting him, he realized he was being completely sappy. He couldn't be thinking about buying Axel a classic, cliché Christmas present, could he? That wasn't _Axel_. Axel wouldn't want something sentimental that proclaimed whatever their relationship was. Likewise, he wouldn't want something cute like a scarf or impersonal like a beanie to always remind Axel of who bought it for him. Axel wasn't the type to want hearts and flowers.

He seemed... so much more simple than that.

And when this dawned on Riku, he knew he was looking in all the wrong places. He left the jewelry store and there, right across the street, a small privately owned shop caught his eye—a place he would have never noticed before, not with his expensive taste.

Riku inspected it as he drew closer, getting a good feeling. _Sweet Memory_ was written in simple cursive above the shop door, and a handwritten sign was posted in the front window stating, "Only 2 days 'til Xmas:)" that made him smile.

Gathering his coat around himself, he reached up to lightly touch one of the bruises on his neck, and thought about Axel. Then he opened the shop door, listened to the friendly jingle, and went in.

-o-o-

It was eight that evening, just four hours to go until Christmas Eve, when Riku found himself pounding on an unfamiliar apartment door with an armful of shopping supplies. His cell phone was in hand, text messaged directions glaring up at him through the dark, so he _knew _he had the right place, so why wasn't Dem—

"Riku?" he heard on the other side of the door just as the lock was undone. Then the door swung open and Demyx blinked out at the dark porch at Riku, looking clearly confused. "What are you doing here? Larxene's party is tomorrow at _her _pla—whoa!"

The _whoa _was from Riku bustling into Demyx's apartment without permission. "I need your help!" he said in a rush as he found the nearest surface—a small table littered with crumb-filled paper plates—and dropped his shopping bag onto it.

"With, uh... what?" Demyx wondered, still watching him.

"Making Axel's present!" Riku laughed. Then, as he began pulling supplies out of the plastic bag, he shook his head, grinning, feeling like an idiot, but a very happy and excited idiot. "I need help because... I honestly haven't made anything by hand since I was like six!"

"Ooookay then, no prob," Demyx said, and, fighting a smile of his own, he slowly closed the front door.

-o-o-

* * *

_To be continued..._


	4. Chapter 4

**Author Notes:**

Props goes to RosalynAngel for her Axel-Riku writings, especially the story "Good Enough," which has been a huge inspiration for this fic since day one. Every time I write the phrase "good enough," I automatically think back to her fic and smile.

Happy birthday, Ashanti! And huge thanks (and also a big happy bday!) to Tracy and her guinea pig efforts towards my research. She knows why. ;D And big thanks to Jess for inspiring the Larxene text message break-up.

This is the **CENSORED** version. To read the **UNCENSORED** version (which is a lot better), please visit my site.

**Warning: **

Riku's going through **puberty**. This fanfic contains excessive sexual themes, including sex between two males, masturbation, attempted rape, sexual harassment, and other mature themes that should not be read by those who are not comfortable reading them.

* * *

_what are you holding out for?  
what's always in the way?  
why so damn absent-minded?  
why so scared of romance?_

_this modern love breaks me  
this modern love wastes me_

_do you wanna come over and kill some time?_

_**"this modern love"  
**__bloc party_

* * *

**Like No One's Looking  
**Part Four

-o-o-

It was a stroke of luck that Riku's aunt hadn't been waiting up for him when he had gotten home two hours past midnight. If she had caught him, he definitely wouldn't have been able to go to Larxene's party—not that he had a good chance of it anyway. He knew how she was.

But that wasn't what worried him the most.

Riku couldn't remember the last time he had been too excited to sleep on the eve of a holiday, but like many things in his life lately, Axel was the cause of the exception. He spent the entire morning tossing and turning in bed, thinking about the possible scenarios that could unfold after Axel unwrapped the present Riku and Demyx had handmade for him.

A part of him couldn't help thinking that Axel might think it was the corniest gift ever, might even laugh at him about it, but Demyx had assured him that Axel would like it. A lot of thought had gone into it, and it felt _right _to Riku—so surely Axel would like it, right? He had to.

This was the only thing that comforted Riku enough to let him doze off around dawn.

When he got woken up soon after, he realized he should have worried about his aunt more. Christmas Eve or not, she was still herself.

"A... party?"

The narrow-eyed, thin-lipped look she gave Riku was downright suspicious. He knew then that his chances of having a happy holiday were slim to none. He shouldn't have asked because now she would probably use it against him for the next six months.

They stood in the elegant dining room together, and the remnants of expensive wrapping paper lay on the table where she had unwrapped the designer purse he had spent a small fortune on. He had given her the gift early in hopes she would then be in a generous mood.

He should have known better.

"More like a small gathering... of friends," he said in an attempt to make it sound like less fun than it probably would be. In reality, he had no idea what the party entailed, just that it was at Larxene's place and that Axel was going. That's all he needed to know to want to go.

Her fingers traced over the rich material of her new purse, but her eyes were focused on him, scrutinizing. For that moment, he felt as though she could see everything he had been trying so hard to hide from her—his shaky sexuality, his ambiguous relationship with Axel, his disinterest in school, his hatred for this life that she so painstakingly made more and more miserable for him...

"I don't think so," she said at last. "Not after how late you were out last night supposedly _shopping_. Don't expect to be able to do anything at all during your vacation. In fact, I've already called your driver and informed him that he is not to take you anywhere after 5PM unless I okay it."

Then she calmly looked away, reached out with her free hand, and crumpled all the wrappings together in a dismissive gesture.

Riku wasn't surprised.

He should have been expecting her to crack down on his liberties even more after she noticed how he had been acting the past few days. Usually he would even accept her decision despite how much he wanted to argue...

But today was different.

Before he knew what he was doing, he had opened his mouth. "I'm fifteen. _Why_ do you still treat me like I'm in diapers?" And he immediately wanted to shove his foot there to shut himself up, but the damage had already been done.

Her gaze met his once again, and this time she had offense clearly written on her face. "Excuse me?"

"I'm not a baby, Rena."

He set his jaw, aware that he could be digging his own grave, but in the back of his mind he could hear Axel telling him to stand up to her for once, live his own life, stop letting her keep him holed up where he couldn't experience life. Besides, even with the viselike grip she had on his freedom, she hadn't managed to protect him from older men wanting to molest him at every chance. Where was her careful surveillance _there_?

"I don't see why I can't go out at night and spend time with my friends—or even why I have to _ask _permission," he said, "or tell you who exactly my friends are—" He still hadn't told her about Axel and didn't plan to. "—or have you watch every graded assignment like a hawk as if it's the end of the fucking _world_ if I do anything less than perfect!"

His voice echoed throughout the large room, only the sparkling chandelier overhead and the glistening china in the grand cabinet falling witness to his defiance. In a few hours, his secondary relatives from Clotho and a few of his aunt's friends would be arriving for their traditional Christmas Eve feast, and Riku would be expected to sit at this long table like a proper gentleman of forty-something instead of being the teenager he really was. He was tired of pretending to give a shit about his relations and his future.

He didn't like them any more than they liked him, which wasn't much at all since no one in his father's family had liked the woman he had married, and her blood ran through Riku. It was no wonder his parents had tried to live peaceful lives on Destiny Islands instead of this hellhole of a metropolis. Even though nearly seven years had passed since the accident and his parents' deaths, every Christmas Riku still had to listen to his father's family bitch about how their deaths had been his mother's fault, what a pretentious woman she had been for stealing him away, that they hoped Riku would turn out nothing like her (even though he knew they really just wanted him to drop out of their lives), that Riku had her hair and her eyes and her long lashes and her _everything_ but at least he was still male and would have a wife one day.

Like hell. He wanted to see their expressions when he told them he fantasized about being fucked by men and he never intended to have children.

At present, his aunt was already looking murderous. Her expression had changed as quickly as it had the other night when he had stood up to her and ran out the front door. He secretly wanted her to do something about it just so he could have more of an excuse to walk out of this life.

"You little _ingrate_," she hissed. He was getting used to being called that. "After all I've done for you, you _dare _speak to me that way? Yes, you're _fifteen_, not even _legal _yet, so don't talk to me about not being a _baby_. I set these rules because they're what's best for you, and if they're not good enough for that insolent _ego_ of yours, I can damn well keep you in your room for the rest of your life and have you _home_schooled if that's what it'll take to keep you away from your delinquent little _friends_."

"My _friends_," Riku snapped, "aren't delinquents, and if you gave a shitabout me, you'd let me make some of my own decisions for once!"

"You're not even old enough to know what's best for you. If you want to be treated like an adult, start _acting _like one," she snapped back. "Until then, don't expect to have _any _privileges."

"It's Christmas fucking EVE!" he shouted. "I want to _enjoy _myself for once!"

She shoved her designer bag at Riku without warning, and he barely had time to catch it before it hit his face. A decorated zipper tab scraped his cheek, and he gave her an incredulous look as he lowered the purse. He had spent that much munny on her and she was just throwing it right back in his face? That actually hurt a lot more than anything she had ever said to him.

He fought back the tremble in his voice that threatened to weaken his stance. "I'm not asking for permission to go out and have sex with women and get drunk or do drugs or anything else that you think I might do! I'm asking for breathing room!"

"Then _go_ to your room and stay there until the guests arrive," she said in a low, dangerous tone. "I don't want to see your _face_ right now." Then she flung the wrapping paper at him for good measure and stormed off, her heels echoing more loudly in the room than his shouting had.

Riku was left staring down at the purse, feeling sick—not because he should have accepted no for an answer or because he knew he was right and nothing he said ever seemed to make her think otherwise. He felt sick because he didn't want to admit to Axel that he had stood up to his aunt and had made things worse. Then again, he hadn't exactly approached the subject too smoothly. He could have kissed up a little more, maybe even—

...maybe even what?

Why was he even thinking about this? It was bullshit.

He didn't have to listen to a fucking word that woman said. Permission or not, he could still go out if he wanted. She couldn't keep him locked up forever. If he wanted, he could walk right out that front door and disappear from her life for good.

For a second, it really was tempting.

Deep down, however, he knew his aunt was only acting like this because she had been conditioned this way by her own parents. She also still harbored heavy guilt about his dad's death. That, and she was too proud to admit she was a terrible replacement for him.

Riku's anger slowly faded into resignation, and with a sigh, he dropped the purse onto the dining table for her to find later. He'd text message Axel instead of calling him. He didn't want to deal with the twenty questioning that Axel was likely to give him.

When Riku left the room, his footfalls were soft, too soft to even create an echo. But it was okay. He didn't want any witnesses to his defeat.

-o-o-

Hours passed, and Axel still hadn't replied to his text message.

Uncertainty took hold inside of him and left him on edge all afternoon. Where was Axel? Wasn't he going to reply? Had his phone messed up? Maybe he was busy already having fun with Larxene and the others. Maybe he didn't want to bother with Riku when he could be with his other friends. After all, who wanted to comfort a spineless fifteen-year-old on Christmas Eve when there were better things to do?

He hated holidays.

The rest of the world could be having fun, but he was always the one hiding in his bedroom with a pillow over his head. He only ever made things awkward for other people.

Even when he heard the front door opening and closing, opening and closing, signaling the arrival of relatives and family friends, he stayed hidden in his room. He ignored his aunt's calls. He ignored the insistent knocks on his door. He ignored the angry mutterings in the hallway as footsteps retreated towards the stairs.

His aunt could come up with whatever the hell kind of excuse she wanted in order to cover up his absence. Really, he was just relieved she was letting him go that easily. But then, she probably didn't want to scream at him in front of other people, which was fine with him. He didn't mind being the scapegoat here.

He finally looked at the time when shadows began to crawl across his room.

6:05PM.

Dinner would be starting. He was hungry, but there was no way in hell he was going to set foot in that dining room when other people were around. He listened to the sounds of laughter and music filtering faintly into his room from downstairs and, though he didn't want to join them, a piece of him was sad because he wasn't. He felt like he had nowhere to belong.

By the time the sun had fully set, his stomach was rumbling, and he curled his arms around himself and tried to find any excuse to be happy. There weren't any.

But the chime of his cell phone receiving a text message was a good start.

Riku flung his covers off and scrambled for his phone on the nightstand, the LED still illuminated for him to find it. He flipped it open, his heart caught in his throat as he opened the message from Axel. Would he ask why Riku hadn't been able to go? Would he be mad?

It turned out to be completely unrelated.

-_Do you have any dogs?-_

Riku stared at the small screen for a long moment, disappointed. Figures. Just another of Axel's silly games. He sighed and flopped back onto his bed, already punching in his reply.

-_No but I'm so hungry I can eat one- _Then, after a moment's hesitation, he added, -_How is the party?-_

After sending, he closed the phone and stared up at his dark ceiling. The lights from outside reflected off the picture frame beside his bed and created ghostlike spotlights on the arched beams overhead. He turned his gaze to glance at the shadowy but visible face of the grinning boy in the photo. Sora...

Moments later, his phone chimed again.

-_It's awesome. You got a big place, right? Your room have a balcony too?-_

Confused, Riku wondered if maybe they were talking about him at the party and somehow his house had gotten brought up. It _was _a pretty big estate. Not big enough to have security guards, but it had its own gate and stuff. Maybe people like Axel and Larxene found that interesting. Sometimes Riku forgot that his family was financially really well off...

-_Yeah. Why?-_

His inquiry went unanswered for nearly half an hour this time. In fact, the reply text message never came.

Something else happened.

Riku heard a weird shuffling outside his room—_literally _outside, like a giant raccoon climbing the vine trellis. Except it was snowing outside, and raccoons didn't frequent his trellis.

Immediately panicked, Riku switched his lamp on and squinted through the light towards the balcony. His curtains were open, but he saw nothing out there. Yet. He rolled off the bed, put on his slippers, and hurried to his balcony, opening it as quietly as he could so he didn't alert anyone else.

A blast of frigid air hit him along with several tiny snowflakes, the cold sinking right through his loose pajama pants and muscle shirt and reminding him that he was definitely not dressed for playing in the snow. Releasing a shocked breath at the sudden temperature change, he danced across the balcony to the edge.

Sure enough, when he looked over the stone balustrade, a darkly clad figure was scaling the dead vines, and he recognized that spiky ponytail instantly.

"Axel!" he hissed. "What are you _doing_?"

At the sound of his voice, Axel glanced up and grinned. "I came to rescue you, my princess!" He then tried to salute but almost lost his grip on the vines and woodwork and had to scramble to keep himself from falling. "W-Whoa!"

Riku grimaced and nervously cast a glance behind him as if expecting his aunt to be standing there. She wasn't. The music downstairs was still playing, and judging from the sound of the laughter, the guests were all still having a good time. Still, he couldn't afford a dead friend—boyfriend—_whatever_ outside his bedroom. He didn't even want to know how Axel had scaled the gate. Shit, and he especially didn't want to know what his aunt would think if she caught a mysterious boy sneaking into his room!

"_Careful!_" He knelt and reached between the columns to help Axel. "And hurry up before someone sees you!" It was whispered loudly, but it still felt like he was yelling and drawing extra attention to Axel's stunt.

Axel grabbed his hand and, after some struggling, the boys managed to get him over the balustrade and onto the balcony where the redhead promptly collapsed into a fit of quiet laughter.

"Shh!" Riku gestured to get him to tone down, but when Axel continued on laughing, he decided he'd best just cut to the heart of the matter. "_Why_ did you _do_ that?"

Rubbing his hip where he had landed, Axel grinned even through his wincing. "Well, it's not like I had a magic carpet."

"You could have gotten caught! Or arrested!" Riku smacked his arm and ignored the cry of _ow—hey!_ "You look like a thief!"

Now Axel rubbed his abused arm and pretended not to grin. "Then you would have been my one call?"

"_Axel_."

"Chill out, it's already in the past." The redhead picked himself up and brushed the remnants of snow off his black pants and thick black jacket. "I'm here. Didn't get caught." He smirked and spread his arms out. "See?"

True. Axel scaling the balcony for him was rather impressive and amusing—despite what _could_ have happened. Trying not to feel so obtuse, Riku managed a small smile. "Yeah, I see it, alright." He grabbed Axel by his scarf and pulled his cold face close. "Next time _tell _me you're coming, you idiot."

Axel's hot breath brushed his cheeks as he laughed again, and then he dipped forward to nip Riku's exposed neck. Riku yelped and tugged Axel's head back by his hair.

"Your nose is freezing!"

"Then warm me up."

The innuendo didn't escape Riku's notice, but he chose not to bring attention to it. Axel could stroke his own ego enough that he didn't need Riku's extra input there. "I thought you said you retained a lot of body heat?" Riku pointed out as he tugged the redhead inside.

"Only in my sexiest features," came the playful reply, "and come on, noses are _not _sexy."

Riku snerked at that, remembering that one of the first things he had noticed about Axel had been his pointed but attractive nose. "You're so strange..."

"Part of my natural charm," Axel professed. He dropped his button-littered backpack onto Riku's bed as the younger boy securely closed the balcony doors. Then, making himself right at home, Axel started taking off his jacket and shoes. "Phew—it's all toasty in here!"

After closing his curtains, Riku went to his bedroom door to double check that it was locked. It was. Well, his aunt barging in was one less thing to fret about. "What _are _you doing here?" he asked as he turned back towards Axel, who had finished stripping down.

Gone were the scarf, jacket, shoes, and gloves. Along with a pair of candy cane striped socks, he now only wore a simple black t-shirt with the decal of some guitar head, and his pants were splotched with large wet spots from the ice and snow on the trellis outside. He was practically soaked—no _wonder _he was freezing. But when he even thought about suggesting Axel should take them off before he caught a cold, Riku's heart gave a small leap as he realized how Axel would take that suggestion. God—but it was tempting. He wanted to see how Axel would react to it, see Axel get caught by surprise for once, see that mischief in those green eyes and enjoy the outcome of it.

But the words died in his throat, and he had to avert his gaze, blood rushing to his cheeks when he realized _what _the outcome of Axel taking off his pants could be. Riku was definitely eager to experiment with sex, but wanting it and actually _doing _it were completely different.

He swallowed back his embarrassment and tried to remain as casual as Axel was, all the while wishing he could learn how the older boy so easily radiated that relaxed confidence.

"You mean what'd I come here for, or d'ya mean how'd I get here?" Axel asked. He seemed to have missed Riku's awkward moment, which was probably because Axel was already snooping around the room.

"Well, both... now that you mention it." Riku watched him scan his bookshelf and wondered what was running through his mind at that very moment. Axel's wild, cluttered room was far more interesting than Riku's tidy, lifeless one was.

"Demy dropped me off at the gate. We got the address from the web 'cuz, like I said, your name is pretty popular." Axel pulled a book off the shelf—an old collection of fairytales that had reminded Riku of his earlier years on Destiny Islands—and began flipping through its thick pages. "Which means it's easy to find. Actually, I was kinda surprised your aunt doesn't have mean-ass guard dogs, motion sensor spotlights, alarms, or an electrified gate and all that jazz."

They had gotten his address off the internet? That was kind of clever, if not a bit creepy. "Her ego is so big that she doesn't think anything or anyone can really hurt her," Riku said with a laugh. "Even thieves. She has a lot of connections anyway. If anyone robbed us, they'd be in for a nasty sentence. And our lawyer is malicious..."

Axel closed the fairytale book with a flourish and smirked. "I wasn't referring to thieves. I meant I'm surprised she doesn't have all that just to keep you _in_. Why don't you just take off? Look how easy it was for me to get in here. Sneaking out would be a _cinch_."

"I've thought about it before," Riku admitted, but he kept his cowardice to himself. He didn't want to tell Axel that he hadn't snuck out before because he was too chicken to. Best to change the subject. "Anyway—are you going to tell me why you're here?" He folded his arms over his chest and playfully glared at the older boy, though he was secretly really pleased that Axel had shown up. "I thought you were at the party. You even said it was awesome."

"And I'm sure it is." Axel replaced the book and honed in on Riku's rotating shelf of CDs. "Larx's parties always are. Buuuut..." He spun the shelf, examining it closely. "I'm not missing anything new. Hey—" He glanced at Riku, a red brow raised, and he looked confused. "All this stuff is elevator music."

Riku was beginning to wonder if he was ever going to get a straight answer from him. Sighing, he moved to stand beside Axel. "It's _not _elevator music. Just because something doesn't have screaming lyrics doesn't mean it's boring. It's not even all classical, you know." He pointed to a few darker covers. "These are soundtracks, film scores, orchestral remakes..." Then rotated the shelf. "Some operas, musicals, sonnets..." And rotated again. "Cello rock, Gregorian cha—"

Axel's hand stopped Riku's.

He slowly turned to find Axel giving him a very crooked smile, his face only inches away.

"You're _extremely _gay, you know that, right?"

Riku wet his lips and tried to ignore that now familiar flutter of excitement inside of him. They were standing so close that Riku could feel the cold lingering on Axel's skin and clothes. "So what if I am?" he challenged in a quiet voice.

Axel's fingers found the dangling drawstrings of his pants, and Riku felt his stomach tighten as that internal flutter intensified. His mind automatically rewound all the way back to the moment he had first met Axel, when those fingers had landed right in his crotch, and how much he wanted to be touched there again.

But Axel's fingers only twirled around the strings and gave them a teasing tug before letting go. Axel's eyes flickered with that knowing kind of mischief Riku had been waiting for, and there was a subtle depth to his tone that hadn't been there moments before.

"Heh, touché."

It took all of Riku's willpower _not _to get a hard-on right then and there. He drew in a deep breath and held it, but his pulse kept quickening as he continued to study Axel's gaze.

"Why are you here?" he asked again, this time with a slight waver. He kept his voice soft and tried not to sound too hopeful, but he had a feeling Axel knew exactly what was on his mind.

Downstairs, he could hear another round of laughter from his aunt and her guests, and he was reminded of how potentially dangerous this situation could turn out to be.

Axel's smile shifted into something a little softer. "I thought I'd spend my time with someone who actually needs me. Y'know, and doing more productive things instead of watching people get drunk off their asses."

Maybe Riku had a reason to be hopeful after all. He had to swallow before his voice felt stable enough to use. "More productive things... like scaling balconies and almost killing yourself?"

"Well..." Axel's grin returned. "Sorta. _Or_... more like delivering your Christmas present and making sure you're being merry."

It was said lightheartedly, but its effect was felt differently. A calm happiness spread through Riku and slowly enveloped his heart like a warm blanket. His Christmas was beginning to look like it might not be so bad after all.

This time he couldn't disguise his anticipation. "Really?"

Without replying, Axel winked and grabbed Riku's hip to gently move him aside. Riku let him, feeling another flutter as Axel brushed past him and returned to the bed where he picked up his backpack.

Exhaling slowly, still trying to get himself under control, Riku mentally grasped for a distraction, and his eyes landed on the CDs Axel had been examining. That gave him an idea. His aunt should have been used to him playing his music loudly, so if he were to do it now, she wouldn't think twice about it. Choosing an album of cello rock, he opened it and slipped the CD into the player, making sure it wouldn't play so loud they couldn't hear each other talk. Thankfully, the speakers were closer to the door than he was, so if his aunt did try to spy, she'd hear the music first, not their voices.

Within moments, his room was filled with the deep reverberation of cello strings playing to a strong beat backed up by electric guitars and basses. Axel had taken a spot on his bed and was pulling out a long white paper sack—not exactly present-like. He lifted his gaze to Riku's as the younger boy approached him, and his lips curled.

"Okay, so it's not_ classical_," he commented about the music. "It's actually kinda cool, not what I was expecting. But—!" He pointed at Riku. "You're _still_ gay."

Riku laughed, not sure he was ever going to get accustomed to hearing that, but it was getting easier. When Axel patted the space on the bed beside him, Riku silently took it, curious as to what was in the bag Axel held.

He passed Riku the white sack. It was warm. Food-like. Riku gave Axel a confused look as he pulled out a wrapped hotdog.

Axel's grin didn't falter. "I know you said you were so hungry you could eat a dog, but you'll have to stick with this instead."

Now that the hotdog was no longer in Axel's backpack, Riku could smell it, and his stomach churned as if to agree that Axel's idea had been a good one, as silly as the guy was. "Did I already tell you that you're strange?" he asked as he unwrapped it.

Axel's expression was smug. "Yup." He then pulled out a bottle of cold Crimson Jazz juice and handed it to him. "Now eat up so I can show you your present."

That was good enough for him. Riku dug into his dinner, not caring if it had no condiments to go with it. It was food, and Axel had given it to him, and that was all that concerned him.

As he happily ate in silence, he watched Axel and the redhead's wandering attention. Axel's gaze lingered on the wrapped present sitting at the edge of Riku's night table, then shifted to the picture frame beside it. The picture of little Sora and little Riku on the beach back home.

Before Riku could even think to hide the photo, Axel had snatched the frame up. "Aww, is that _you_?" He paused to snicker, and promptly began gushing about it. "You look like a little girl in that shirt, _awww _and the _hat_... And you look so scared and cute!"

Riku almost choked on his food, and he looked away to hide his sudden blush. "My mom used to dress me in girl's clothes."

"Ohh, that explains a lot of things, then." Axel chortled to himself for a second about it, and then came the inevitable question. "Who's the other cutie?"

For some reason, Riku's heart started pounding again. He felt like it was stupid to be so nervous about telling Axel about Sora, but in a way, it was almost like introducing them to each other. Axel, meet Sora. Sora, meet Axel. It wasn't like they were ever going to bump into each other in person, so what was the big deal?

Still, his heart continued to race. He hadn't really talked about Sora in years, not since he had told Olette about him in junior high... but telling her was a lot different than telling Axel. Maybe it was because he had never kissed Olette and Olette had never made him question his promise with Sora. Axel constantly made Riku wonder if that promise was worth the frustration of never being able to initiate a kiss with his... his _whatever_ Axel was to him. But the promise had endured this long, and Riku still didn't want to break it; if he did, he'd never be able to look at Sora's photo without feeling disappointment. Sora was his one remaining connection to Destiny Islands, and Riku didn't want to lose that.

What was worse—he _knew _Axel wouldn't understand it. He was better off not going too in depth...

"That's... Sora," he said tentatively, but a hint of fondness still crept into his voice. "He was my best friend when I was little, when I lived outside of Atropos."

"Outside of Atropos—I bet!" was Axel's quick reply, and he sounded fascinated. He was studying the photo awfully close. "You don't see beaches like _that_ around here. The water's like... _blue_."

Well, that had been a lot easier than he had thought. Deciding not to elaborate, Riku just nodded and ate the rest of his hotdog.

"So when your parents died, you moved up here?" Axel asked, but he didn't bother waiting for an answer probably because he could tell Riku didn't want to talk too much about it. "That sucks... Do you still talk to this kid?"

This time, as much as Riku wished he could say otherwise, he had to shake his head no. "I was only eight, so..." He fell silent for a second, cradling his drink with both hands as he stared down at it and tried to remember that day so many years ago. "After the accident, everything moved so fast. My aunt picked me up and brought me here the same day. I didn't really have time to get a number or anything..." Another pause, and this time he took a long breath, already feeling a swell of nostalgia that threatened to put a quiver in his voice. He'd always wondered how different things could have been if he had kept in contact with his childhood crush. "We... didn't need to use phones back then. I'd just show up at his house, and we'd go adventuring. A lot of the bigger kids picked on me because I was so small and, well, girly... But Sora would come to my rescue all the time." A soft smile crept onto his lips as he spoke. "He was a big goof. He'd always say we'd grow up and get married. But, well... either he didn't realize I was actually a boy, or Sora was a really open-minded kid."

This time when his words trailed off, he wasn't sure what he was expecting from Axel. He cautiously glanced up through his bangs, and whatever that look he saw on Axel's face was, it didn't make him feel stupid for sharing that piece of his past.

Instead, Axel seemed... almost pleased?

With a low but impressed whistle, the redhead leaned back against the headboard. He curled an arm around his propped up knee and smiled at Riku with a smile that hinted he knew more than what Riku himself did. "You know, that's the first time I've heard you talk like that."

Riku kept watching him, but he nervously picked at the label of the bottle in his hands. "Talk... like what?"

"Like _that_," Axel laughed. "Like there _is _more to you than what's on the surface. You told me there wasn't anything interesting about you, and I knew that was bullshit. It's like there's this side of you that you don't even realize exists—a side that wants to break free of your little reclusive shell and _live_."

Riku lifted his face and met Axel's gaze fully, and he thought about what had just been said. Had he really sounded that different when he had talked about Sora?

Axel's expression didn't change from its sagacious lilt. "It's reeeeeally interesting," he commented, tapping his forehead. "I think I'm starting to figure out what makes you tick."

In that moment, Riku was reminded of Axel's passion for photography and how, even though the redhead wanted to take pictures of him, he had once told Riku he wasn't asking Riku "to lay bare his soul." Here, however, whenever Axel looked at him this way and made comments like the one he just had, Riku felt like the older boy _was _trying to dissect him and open his heart for the world to see.

It made him uncomfortable, but somehow happy at the same time. When he was the complete focus of Axel's attention like this, he really did believe Axel when he said there was a side to him he didn't know existed—an _interesting _side. Axel wanted to know more about that side. Riku did, too.

"So what makes me tick?" Riku wondered.

Axel's grin widened to show more teeth. "Now why would I spoil the fun?" He sat up and leaned towards Riku, who was expecting the change of conversation when it came. "So—are you merry?"

"No." And it was the truth. However, Axel's tongue-in-cheek ways were beginning to teach Riku how to disguise his insecurity. With a subtly wry smile, Riku added, "But... I'm getting there."

And the change of tone didn't escape Axel's notice. "Now that I'm here, right?" he asked, playing along.

Riku felt himself beginning to mirror Axel's grin. "Yeah."

"Good." Axel took the juice out of Riku's hands and set it on the night table along with the picture frame, right next to the wrapped present Axel had been eyeing earlier. "Present time!"

With a laugh, Riku gestured to the night table. "You first."

He could already feel the rise of anticipation as Axel picked up the slender, hard gift and felt along the edges as if trying to discern what was underneath the glistening paper. Demyx had said Axel would love it, but there was still that doubt, that possibility that it wouldn't live up to Axel's expectations after the hard work that had went into it.

"Hmm... some sort of book?" Axel wondered to himself.

He caught the edge of the paper and began to rip it, and Riku held his breath as the black textured cover was revealed. The same white skull from Axel's beanie and wallet was smiling up from the front.

"Jack Skellington!"

Axel's fingers ran over the soft skull, and his grin turned pleased. Demyx had helped Riku use an exacto knife to cut the figure out of white sticky-backed velvet, and they had placed two thick strips of Velcro on the front for Axel to create his own title for the handmade scrapbook. Currently the letters spelled out "Merry Xmas!" but Riku had placed several sheets of spare Velcro letters in there for Axel's amusement.

He opened the book, and right on the first page was a self-taken Polaroid of Demyx and Riku, with Demyx beaming up at the camera, and Riku laughing with embarrassment. The handwritten label beneath the picture stated, _Put professionalism into your portfolios, but store your memories in here. I know you'll put this to good use. And yes, that's permission to take my picture. – Riku_

Riku watched closely as Axel's expression shifted from just pleased to downright thrilled. He glanced at Riku with a vainglorious smile, and a delightful shiver moved up Riku's spine. He suddenly felt like he had just sold his soul after all. But if that look on Axel's face was any indication of what he had planned for Riku, maybe letting Axel have that freedom wasn't all that bad.

"Demyx helped me make it," Riku admitted. A floaty feeling was building inside of him now that the gift had been revealed and Axel seemed to like it. "Each page is different. I, uh... tried to theme them off things that reminded me of you." He ran a hand through his hair and tried not to look sheepish. Why couldn't he just stay calm and casual like Axel all the time?

"Really?"

Sounding surprised, Axel started flipping through the book, passing by a page with colors based off his favorite iced coffee drink, a page decorated with little white Jack skulls, another with pool balls and cues, one with miniature cameras, and the list went on, each page arranged and colored based on his few experiences with Axel, but left empty so Axel could fill them up with his own images.

Axel's smile had grown somewhat fond by the time he reached the last page, a sea green with dark blue accents, where a second photo had been placed. This second and last photo had been Demyx's idea and had taken some coaxing for Riku to agree to put it into the scrapbook because of how embarrassing it was. Riku had been sitting on the floor working on the scrapbook, and he had just leaned forward to pick something up, when Demyx had snuck up behind him and taken the picture. The embarrassing part? Riku's pants and underwear had ridden down far enough to show off a hint of butt-crack.

Demyx's handwriting scribbled across this picture's label: _The ass-crack of the scrapbook. May you enjoy it one day._

When Axel read it, he burst into laughter.

Riku tried not to feel humiliated, but he was glad Axel was laughing at least. "You like it?" he asked, then promptly corrected himself. "I mean—the scrapbook?"

"Totally!" Axel flipped back to the front, still laughing. "Oh man, this is great! I love it!" Then he closed the book and grinned wide at Riku. "Thanks. It'll definitely go to good use. I knew I shoulda brought my camera with me..." He rubbed the back of his head and chuckled at himself. "Anyway, I made my gift for you, too. I couldn't figure out what to get you. I mean, what do you get for one of the richest kids in Atropos when he can get almost anything he wants?"

Sympathizing with the statement, Riku smiled as he watched Axel put the scrapbook into his backpack and reached for something new. Riku knew he was hard to shop for, so he preferred heartfelt gifts over store bought ones. And if Axel had made him something, Riku already knew he was going to love it.

"So I made you something you don't have yet," Axel said. He pulled out a slender, narrow package about the size of a checkbook box, and presented it to him with that all-knowing smirk of his. "Options."

"Options?" Riku asked. He eagerly took the package, curious as to what Axel could have made him.

Axel shifted closer to him on the bed. "Go ahead and take a look."

Riku peeled off the red wrapping paper and opened the narrow unmarked box. Inside was a long, thin book with a laminated cover that depicted a portion of Axel's face, mostly his sharp eyes and red brows. Somehow, by the detail and the vivid way it had been taken, Riku could tell the photo was something Axel himself had done and altered to create the cover of this book. Axel's face blended into a white background where professional but stylized black and red text read: _Personal Coupons_.

Interested with where this was going, Riku took the book out of the box, noticing how skillfully made it was. "You _made _this?" he asked in amazement, already flipping it open to the first page. It opened sideways to reveal a cover page stating, _For Riku. May you grow up to be a pretty, pretty princess! _Beneath it was about fifty pages of coupons, each with the same ornate border and elegant font, each with a perforation along the spine, and each with a different phrase written in glossy ink.

"Larx works at one of those document services places. I designed it all," Axel proudly explained, "but she hooked me up with the printing and binding and all that cool shit."

Riku felt himself grin as he flipped through the coupons and read some of them. "Free batch of homemade cookies... Free night out... Free dinner and a movie... Go out for ice cream... A walk in the park... Request for knight in shining armor... " He skipped to the middle to see if they were similar, already deciding he would read all of them in detail later when Axel wasn't staring. Judging from the next one he read, not having Axel around while he read these would save him embarrassment. "Free make out session somewhere public?" His eyes widened, and he glanced up at Axel with red cheeks.

Axel's crooked smirk was back. "It gets better."

Feeling his ears burn, Riku continued to read, aware of how his heart was starting to race again. "Free make out session somewhere very, very private... A private _show_?" He paused to wet his lips as his mind took a turn towards the gutter. "Photography lessons... Play makeover. Free sick day from work and/or school. One hour of absolute servitude..." Whoa, his mind went wild with that one as he thought about all the things he could have Axel do. Now positive that he was blushing from head to toe, Riku swallowed hard and flipped to the second to the last coupon. Axel seemed like the type to save the best for last, and Riku wanted to do the same.

But the one he was now staring at was... blank?

He gave Axel a questioning look. "Misprint?" he asked.

"Nope," was the quick response. It seemed like Axel had been expecting the inquiry. "Blank on purpose. You can write what_ever _you want on it, and I'll do it, so it's reeeeally special. Gotta use that one wisely."

Riku's brows lifted. "Anything?"

"Well, within reason," Axel added with a laugh. "I mean, if you write down for me to stand in front of a stampede of llamas, I'm not gonna do it. Now, if you get pissed and tell me to jump off a bridge, I'd do it—with a bungee cord. So whatever you write, I'll interpret it my own way, ya know?" In that moment, his smile reminded Riku of a little kid with a secret. "So, like I said, use it wisely."

Riku's eyes returned to the blank coupon, and in that moment, he thought of all the possibilities now at his fingertips. Fulfilling his heart's desire could be just a few words away. The problem was that Axel couldn't give him what he _really _wanted, which was confidence, which was freedom, which was a new _life_. On the other hand, Axel was a good teacher and had a lot of experience, which led Riku to imagining everything Axel could and might do to him. Having a boyfriend wasn't one of his major life goals, but he definitely wasn't adverse to the idea... or having Axel fulfill his perverted fantasies.

Then again, Riku may not have to use a coupon to achieve that. He decided he would wait and use this coupon as a last resort, even though the concept of using coupons to further his relationship with Axel seemed rather silly. Well, a silly idea from a silly guy. Riku couldn't hold it against him for being himself—not that he would, because Riku actually loved his gift.

The coupons _were _what he needed. Options, the freedom to choose on his own. Axel knew him so well that he was beginning to believe that Axel really _did_ know more about him than he himself knew.

"Thank you," he said, unable to hold back his happy grin. "You know, only you could pull off something like this. If I had tried to give someone a gift like this, they would have laughed at me. I love it, though. And I'll definitely use it."

"Good." Axel lightly ruffled his silver hair. "But let me ask you something."

Riku glanced at him in question again as he smoothed his hair back out, his cheeks still warm. "Yeah?"

Axel's hand stretched out and flipped the coupon book to the last page. "How could you not notice how bulky the last coupon was? I totally thought you were gonna look at it first," he said.

The laughter was evident in his voice, but Riku wasn't paying attention to it. No, as soon as Axel had revealed that last coupon, Riku's entire world narrowed to what he saw glued there.

A single cherry-flavored condom.

The one he had snuck into Axel's new wallet for his birthday.

Nothing else was on the coupon—no playful title, no phrase, nothing. Just the condom.

Riku had to release the breath that had been caught in his throat, and when he did, his blush returned full force. He felt Axel watching him as he stared at the tiny red package, probably wondering what Riku was thinking while Riku was wondering what Axel was thinking—or what Axel had meant by making this coupon in the first place.

Whatever his intention had been originally, just the thought of what it _could_ be sent a deep thrill through Riku. That all-too-familiar feeling of anticipation squirmed inside of him, spreading like a fever and leaving his heart dancing even faster. Riku had given Axel the condom as a hopeful suggestion. For Axel to return it in this way, it was more than just an acknowledgement of his suggestion. It was a blatant _yes_.

"So..."

Axel shifted even closer, and one of his hands slid up Riku's knee to rest against his thigh. Axel's hand was no longer icy from the snow outside, but was a hot weight pressing all of Riku's thoughts and emotions towards one part of his body. Axel leaned against his shoulder so he could speak into Riku's ear, his voice a delightful, low murmur.

"Are you there yet?"

Riku worked his throat, trying to swallow past the knot caught there. "W-Where?"

"Merry."

The suggestion in Axel's tone made Riku second guess the definition of _merry_.

"I... Y-Yeah?"

"You don't sound so sure," Axel teased in that same low tone. His hand squeezed Riku's leg before stroking upward and caressing his inner thigh, right next to his obvious partial erection. "Leeeet me help you with that..."

His leg spasmed in response, his nerves completely on edge now, extra receptive to every tiny movement Axel made. Riku felt his breath shudder as he forced himself to inhale again, his mouth dry and his fluttering heart preparing to fly right out of him. The anticipation was already torture, and Axel probably knew it, too.

But for all his teasing, he decided to have mercy on Riku.

-o-o-

An hour later when they parted ways on the snow-blanketed balcony, they were nothing like star-crossed lovers in the fairytales Sora's mother used to tell.

In those stories, Riku remembered love confessions and poetic monologues and promises made to last for an eternity. He received nor gave any of those. They didn't even cross his mind until after Axel had already dropped into the snow and slunk off into the night with his cherry-flavored lips.

But, Riku supposed, those kind of romantic notions didn't accompany just one blowjob, as mind-numbingly amazing as it had been. His first one. Only five minutes—but at least it hadn't been the three seconds he had been expecting. The rest of the hour had been spent exchanging idle chatter as Riku's body recovered. Axel hadn't teased him about that, and for that Riku was grateful.

He wouldn't always be inexperienced, after all.

Leaning against the balustrade, he curled his duvet closer around himself and stared up at the gently falling white confetti, and he contemplated his strange relationship with Axel. He was fairly sure that this warm leash around his heart was love or at least some form of it. What he didn't know was whether or not Axel shared that connection. There was affection, yes, and plenty of desire—but was that it?

He recalled the private conversation he had overheard between Axel and Larxene and wondered what exactly it was that the redhead was hiding from him. He couldn't read Axel like how Axel could read _him_, and that made it difficult to discern his humor from his sincerity—if there was any sincerity at all behind those jokes.

The older boy often referred to Riku as the princess or damsel in distress. But if he was the princess, did that make Axel the prince?

Somehow, he didn't think so.

-o-o-

Riku spent the rest of Christmas lost in a bubble of bliss.

He hardly paid attention to any of the gifts he received, he didn't care when his aunt snapped at him, and he actually smiled and carried on conversations when his relatives returned to visit. Little did they know, it wasn't Christmas cheer that ran through his blood and put that bounce in his step. It was something else, something that couldn't be contained by only one name because it was just so _good_.

Every time he thought about it, he felt a hot clenching inside of him, and that bliss would return with his memory of what had happened.

More than often he would have to retreat to his room or bathroom just to take care of himself all over again, but no one ever noticed. His love and lust were his own little secrets.

Christmas passed quickly this way. His relatives left again, leaving him with more privacy to fantasize of what Axel might do to him next. _Would _do to him.

To make sure of that, Riku took Axel up on his suggestion and began to sneak out of his house just to see the older boy, who had been right about that: being dishonest to his aunt was so much easier than asking for permission that would never come.

For the next few days, Riku did obey his aunt's early curfew, but he did so by lying and claiming he was going to the library to study and finish his paper. He'd call Rude to drive him to the library, and, with his backpack in hand, he'd wait until his driver left. Then he would walk to the bus stop and take it a few blocks down to Demyx's apartment where Axel would be waiting inside for him.

Those hours were spent goofing off and learning more about what Demyx and Axel did in their free time—listen to music, play video games, share comics, watch movies and television shows, surf the internet for random and silly things, make extremely unhealthy drink combinations like coffee with caramel and double chocolate and whipped cream...

They were teenagers. They _acted _like teenagers. And for the first time in a long time, Riku felt his own age. This was the first break Riku could remember where he actually had people to see and things to do that were completely unrelated to school. Those fun days counting down to the new year flew by and blurred together.

By New Years Eve, when Riku glanced into his mirror in the morning, he liked who he saw in the reflection.

He saw the potential to become someone greater than who he was.

He saw the growing confidence in his smile and posture.

He saw the _life_, and he loved it.

-o-o-

He should have known his road to happiness would be full of obstacles.

-o-o-

Like Christmas Eve, Riku wanted to spend the evening of New Years Eve with Axel. There was no party at Larxene's place involved this time, but Riku still wanted to _do _something other than hide in his room when midnight came. He wanted to be with his friends.

The problem with that was his curfew. 5PM. He'd have to sneak out yet again.

He already knew it would be pointless to ask for permission; and besides, if he did, his aunt would know he was up to something and would watch him like a hawk all evening. To abate any suspicions she might have, he decided to pretend the day was like any other, and to play it extra safe, he really did plan on going to the library for a few hours.

When Rude arrived to pick him up, however, Riku was upstairs when he heard his aunt instruct the driver to wait in the foyer. That was different. Usually she let Riku leave right away without a hassle.

Dread filled him.

Oh no.

Had she caught onto his plan somehow?

Slipping his satchel onto his shoulder, he descended the stairs as if he were walking death row, feeling each step add weight to his freedom. He hadn't slipped up and made her suspicious, had he? It wasn't like she could read _minds_...

When he reached the bottom, his aunt was waiting there, and she motioned silently for him to join her. He followed her, but not without apprehension.

She took him to the dining room. This was their typical spot for serious discussions—which were always more like arguments, and so he was beginning to expect the worse when she turned to face him.

She unfolded a beige sheet of paper and held it out, her voice clipped. "Your grades have slipped even more. I do hope you're aware of this and that is why you're practically living at the library now."

Riku scanned the paper in front of him, and his heart dropped.

It was a letter from Dean Shinra stating Riku's progress for the semester. His aunt must have written the dean personally to get such a detailed report of all his grades because normally they wouldn't have released something this in depth. Near the end, however, the letter stated that he was still first in his class and that Shinra had "high hopes for Mr. Edenbrook."

Riku felt even more sick inside. He was number one and she was _still _displeased? He wanted to say something about how ludicrous she was being, but he held his tongue and thought about Axel. He wanted to see Axel tonight, and if he pissed his aunt off, she'd find a way to disrupt his secret plans.

Folding the paper again, she leveled her gaze at him. "Either way, I did warn you about this. Once you begin school again, you are to come straight home and spend two hours with your personal mentor each day."

Personal... mentor?

"_What _personal mentor?" Riku asked cautiously.

"The one I've just hired for you."

At first Riku couldn't believe his ears. "You... what?" But then he recalled his aunt's threat from weeks ago about how she would be 'forced' to hire a tutor for him if his grades slipped even more.

What bullshit! Apparently their argument from that night had went right over her head if she still thought Riku had to be more than perfect.

All of his indignation from that argument came rushing back to him, and all thoughts of Axel and New Years Eve slipped his mind. "I can't believe you actually hired someone!" he shouted. "A _tutor _isn't going to help me!"

"I think otherwise," she said in that disapproving way that aggravated Riku even more. "Having one will ensure that your work is not only getting done, but also double checked for excellence."

"My work is already excellent!" He pointed to the sheet she had just shown him. "Look at those grades! If they're dropping, it's because I'm not ready for the upper-level coursework, or because I'm not spending every breathing moment focusing on my studies—which is _normal_. I'm _fifteen_, Rena, not a damn saint!"

Her eyes thinned. "Watch your tongue."

He pressed on anyway. "I don't need _help_ just because my average went down a few points—I'm still first in my class, so why does it even matter?"

"You can't argue out of this one. And if you insist on doing so, I will not hesitate to strip _all_ your privileges." Her tone was final this time, and Riku clenched his jaw to keep himself from arguing further. When he said nothing, she tucked her blonde hair back and brushed past him. "You're dismissed."

As the sound of her heels departed, Riku tried to contain his resentment for every injustice she had ever done towards him. He was right this time, he _knew _he was. He didn't need some damn tutor for his schoolwork. Personal mentor? _Hah! _She should have called it for what it really was.

A _babysitter_.

-o-o-

Everything else went as planned. He spent a few hours in the library researching for Saïx's paper and returned home by his curfew, and then around 9PM, he claimed he was feeling unwell and went to bed. Well, pretended to go to bed.

What he really did was lock his door, stuff pillows beneath his blankets, turn his lights off, and sneak out through his balcony, just like how Axel had done on Christmas Eve. He dropped to the icy grass below and slipped his satchel over his shoulder, silently grateful that the snow from a few days ago had already melted and wouldn't incriminate him with leftover tracks. His aunt hadn't noticed any of their previous tracks, but he didn't like risking it.

Riku darted across the gardens to the gate and quietly slipped out to his freedom. From there, he hurried to the bus stop to catch the last outgoing bus of the night. It was nearly empty, and so was the transfer bus, so Riku assumed most people were already out celebrating. He arrived at Demyx's apartment about a half hour later, bundled up in his long overcoat and shivering on the doormat.

He didn't have to wait long for the door to swing open, and a rush of warm air from inside enveloped him as Demyx appeared in the doorway.

"Riku's here!" he said with flourish, and he tugged Riku inside before the boy could even get a word in. "Hey Riku, guess what Axel did to his face, hahaha!"

The door slammed closed, and Riku found himself being dragged down the hallway by the wrist.

Axel had done something to his face? It must not have been that bad if Demyx seemed so cheery about it. Riku immediately smiled, glad he had decided to sneak out and come here tonight.

Usually people exaggerated when they said certain things "made" their day, but Riku honestly believed that these few hours spent with Axel and his friends each day were the only hours worth remembering. He had no idea how he had survived so long without them.

Demyx slung his arm around Riku's shoulders and continued to speak through his laughter. "Me 'n Axel met up with Larxene at her friend Lulu's parlor—y'know, one of those tattoo and piercing places—and, _ohhhh_ man, the admins at school are going to be _pissed_ at him."

That was when Riku remembered what Axel had told him a few weeks ago about getting tattoos on his cheeks. That hadn't been a joke?

"Like I told Riku, they can't do shit to me!" Axel called from the den area just as Demyx led Riku into the room. The redhead was already grinning at him, one small bandage gracing each cheekbone. "I'd show you, but—well, y'know. They're really sore." He pointed to his cheeks as he approached Riku, who couldn't help laughing at him.

"I can't believe you actually did it," he admitted, but his voice had a flattering inflection to it. He would have never had the courage to do something that outrageous.

That was the signal for Axel's charm to kick in. "You ever doubted me?" His fingers caught hold of the strap of Riku's satchel and, with a gentle tug, he drew Riku closer to him. "You know, next is my jeep."

Riku laughed again. "You mean the green one?" That had been another of the things Axel had told him about. Funny how Axel's silly goals were all being fulfilled so quickly. The abandoned grocer belonged to him now and would soon be remodeled into his personal gallery, Axel had gotten his facial tattoos, and in the near future that green jeep he'd always wanted would be his...

Axel's fingers hooked on the open collar of his overcoat, and his green eyes sharpened. "You remember that?"

Tilting his face upward, Riku offered Axel one of his own smug smiles. "You ever doubted me?"

Axel then formed a pleased little smirk. "Touché," he said in a murmur as he played with the tail of Riku's scarf, his face inches from Riku's.

Silence spread between them and grew into one of those quiet, soul-deep moments where Riku searched his gaze as Axel searched his back, and they waited, studied, and wordlessly questioned each other.

Axel was waiting for him to lean in.

Riku didn't make the first move, like always, because there in the back of his mind he heard the choked crying of his childhood best friend telling him not to kiss any other boys.

So Riku waited, studied, and let Axel wordlessly question him.

And eventually, an ambivalent expression crossed Axel's face. He had reached some sort of internal conclusion, but as Riku wondered what it might be, Axel leaned in to kiss him first. Like always.

Relieved, he relaxed as Axel's lips brushed against his in a soft but sensual kiss that awoke the butterflies in his stomach and sent them fluttering through his body, leaving now familiar rivers of warmth behind. He felt Axel's fingers tighten against his scarf, and he shifted closer, Axel's bandages scraping against his cheeks as he tilted his head, parting his lips in encouragement. Taking the bait, Axel delved into Riku's mouth, pull the scarf free from his neck, and began unbuttoning his coat for him. But he didn't get too far before they were interrupted by a female voice.

"Already? You guys act like you didn't see each other every day for the past week."

Without even breaking the kiss, Axel threw Larxene the middle finger, and Riku was the one to pull back in surprise. He hadn't seen her when he had come in.

Though he was unable to hide his giddy smile from being in Axel's presence, he did hold back a blush as he glanced at Larxene, who was coming out of the kitchen carrying three oversized bowls and four spoons. A large jug of ice cream and condiments were already on the coffee table in front of Demyx's flat screen TV.

Axel had called him earlier stating that they were planning on playing videogames and watching movies all night, and that there'd be plenty of junk food involved. Which was fine with Riku, who was just glad there wasn't going to be a large party with a bunch of strangers. A small gathering of friends was exactly what he wanted, even if he still wasn't sure about Larxene.

She set the bowls on the table and pointed the spoons threateningly at Axel, who had just lowered his finger again. "You guys are hot and all, but _some_ of us came here for a different type of show, if ya know what I mean."

Stifling laughter, Demyx moved towards the entertainment center where at least a dozen slender boxes were stacked—movies and games—and, as if pointedly not wanting to get involved, he began to sift through them to choose something.

Axel winked. "Either way, it's a good show, yeah?"

His hands were still unbuttoning Riku's coat, and when they were done, he slipped Riku's bag off his shoulder and started to take his coat and gloves. Riku let him, but he was confused as to why Axel was being all gentlemanlike. Axel caught his inquisitive stare and flashed him a grin as he draped the coat and bag over a vacant chair and stuffed his gloves into a side pocket.

"Feels like I'm unwrapping a present," he explained, and his hands went for Riku's waist to draw him close again. "Most rich kids look like prats when they wear turtlenecks, but you look good. As usual." He reached up to play with the neck of Riku's thin sweater.

Demyx looked up from putting a game into the console. "Hey, that's kinda true. No wonder Axel wants to take pictures of you all the time."

Even Larxene was now eyeing him in a new light.

Feeling like he was under some sort of microscope with all of them studying him, Riku fought the urge to shy away and blush like he might have a few months ago. Luckily, someone was looking out for him.

"Axel wants to take pictures of the kid because he's a pervert," Larxene said with a smirk. She shoved the spoons against Axel's chest. "Here. You scoop the crack. I only got three bowls 'cuz I figured you'd want to share with your boy toy." Then she turned her attention to Riku. "Pretty boy!"

Riku tensed on instinct.

She curled a finger at him. "You're not busy." Then she dug into her back pocket for a pack of cigarettes and a lighter, and she swung her head towards the balcony door. Riku understood the silent suggestion, and though he didn't really want to accompany her, he nodded anyway. She opened the balcony door and stepped outside.

Before Riku followed, he sent Axel a questioning frown.

The redhead only had a shrug to offer. "Beats me." Spoons now in hand, he started towards the coffee table. "Any preferences on the ice cream? Chocolate? Whipped cream? Cheeeeerries?" He said that last bit with a suggestive drawl.

But Riku felt uneasy. "Your pick," he replied. He turned to step onto the balcony and closed it behind him.

He'd only been out there once before when Demyx had first showed him around the apartment a few days ago, but the set-up of the buildings still intrigued him.

For some reason, the two wings of apartments faced each other back to back so that the balconies on Demyx's wing faced the balconies of the opposite wing, and only a few feet separated one railing from the next. Why an architect would build apartments with facing balconies was beyond him because he imagined it could lead to some embarrassing situations.

Most of the balcony doors had thick curtains drawn closed to shut out snoopy neighbors, but today the balcony across from Demyx's had its curtains open slightly, just enough for a glance into the den beyond. The lights were off.

Demyx himself had decided to keep his curtains open tonight so they could see outside just in case someone in the apartment complex set off fireworks later to celebrate the new year.

Riku moved to the railing, glad that the wind couldn't reach between the two apartment buildings that well, which made this area much less frigid than the front breezeway. Even then it was still pretty cold, but that didn't seem to bother Larxene.

She leaned against the railing with her now lit cigarette, wearing only a pair of very low hip-hugging jeans, a green halter top, arm warmers, and a pair of fuzzy slippers. For the first time, Riku noticed that she had a bellybutton piercing as well as a tattoo of lightning spiraled around a turquoise nymph centered on her sharp hipbone. He had a thought to comment about it, but he didn't.

As she blew smoke into the air, her eyes shifted towards him, and she lifted a blonde brow without completely turning to face him. "You're so quiet. Say something."

Caught staring, Riku awkwardly averted his gaze and thought about the nude picture of her inside of Axel's binder, resting between one of Demyx and one of himself.

"I don't really have anything to talk about," Riku said distantly. He glanced over the railing and studied the sidewalk and dead grass below.

"Yeah, sure." He heard her inhale. "Something's eating you." Then another blow of smoke. This time a faint breeze carried the smell in his direction, and he tried not to breathe it in.

Had she really brought him out here to talk? Slightly suspicious, he wondered if maybe he should risk opening up to her. But then... he'd rather feel like an idiot in front of her than an idiot in front of Axel.

"You two seem really close," he commented, and he knew that she'd know he was referring to herself and Axel.

She gave a throaty laugh. "Ohhh..."

"What's so funny?" he asked.

She dragged her free hand through her short hair, and this time she regarded him with a mindful expression. "You're _adorable_."

With a sigh, he turned around and leaned against the railing, matching her stance. "I don't like it when you call me that."

"Good," was her automatic response. He was about to give her a cutting glare, but her smirk returned, and it reminded him too much of Axel's sly playfulness. "So you do have a bit of a spine. I was wonderin' if you did."

As he watched her flick ashes into the frosty air, he tried not to feel offended by her statement. He also didn't want to let this opportunity for information to escape. "And Axel?" he prompted.

"Well..." She shifted her weight from foot to foot, and the nymph on her hip moved, too. "Usually I'd say that's none of your damn business, but..." Her blonde lashes lifted, and she turned to glance at him again. "I like ya, so I guess it's alright." She took another drag of her cigarette. "Me and Axhole..." Releasing the smoke with another laugh, she shook her head. "That's kind of a funny story."

Riku watched her with interest but said nothing to let her continue.

"See, we've been friends a long time, me and him," she said, gesturing casually. "But last year..." Her tone grew acidic here. "Last year, I had a run-in with this grandiose fucktard—_the _fucktard of fucktards."

He wasn't sure what a fucktard _was_, but she wasn't going to elaborate there.

"Long story short, we were dating for a while, but after I found out he was cheating on me with _four _other girls, I kicked the guy's ass and broke up with him. Axel was the lucky bastard who had to deal with me after that fucked up situation." She shook her head again and sighed. "He helped me out a lot, y'know."

Still silent, Riku shifted against the railing. It was times like this that he remembered just how different his life—no, _world_—was in comparison to theirs.

Larxene's hand draped over the railing. "He was always around. And... I guess, after a few weeks, both of us were kinda desperate, so one day we just..." Another gesture. "_Tried_ each other. Fuck buddies, y'know?"

She met Riku's gaze again, her lips pulled into a wry smile.

"But after a while, I started feeling like a slut," she said matter-of-factly, "even though it was just one guy. So I told him—well, text messaged him—" She lifted her fingers again, pretending to reveal the words in the air. " 'Ax, we have too much sex,'—and I broke our arrangement off."

Riku fell into thought as he continued to observe her. Even though she didn't say or do anything to imply it, he had a feeling she was embarrassed.

She took a final drag and snuffed the cigarette out against the railing. "Weird enough, it didn't bother either of us that much. I think we like being friends more." She smiled at him again and turned around to supported herself against the railing. "You know how, in all those stories after a guy and a girl break up, one of them says they still want to be friends?"

Riku nodded.

"It never works out," she said. "Well, rarely. But me and Axhole?" With a nod towards the balcony door where Riku could see Axel painstakingly trying to scoop out rock hard ice cream, she continued almost fondly. "It works. It actually works better than it did before."

When she finished speaking, Riku was left with a surreal feeling, not completely comprehending what he had just been told, and not too comfortable with it, either. He had been right about Axel and Larxene, but that semi-relationship was over and done with and probably had been for months before Axel had even met Riku.

So then why did it bother him so much? Was it because the relationship had been about sex, not love?

Could friends really do something like that?

But when Riku thought about it _that_ way, he felt stupid for even trying to classify them by romantic ideals. This was reality.

Not everyone wanted a fairytale romance. Not everyone waited for his or her true love to show up before they had sex. Did true loves even _exist_ in the real world?

Deep down, he knew he didn't want to be with Axel forever, and he was pretty sure Axel wasn't even thinking about commitment. They were still in high school, and Axel would be graduating soon. Chances were, whatever Riku's ideal romance was today would be different from his ideal romance in another five years.

But for now...

Axel was good enough, and that's all that mattered to him.

The silence that spread between Larxene and himself was unexpectedly relaxing. Inside, he could hear the clacking of the ice cream bowls and Axel and Demyx laughing about something. Out here, it was just the quiet of winter, the rustle of clothes, and his own breathing.

Then light suddenly washed over him, and he turned to glance at the balcony opposite theirs. The den light had been turned on, and he could now see someone moving inside the apartment beyond the pale curtains.

After a moment of watching the shadow, he was a little startled when he saw a hand pull the curtains open farther. A man's face regarded him and Larxene, or at least Riku assumed they were being watched. He couldn't see much of the man except his silhouette, but he didn't seem older than a college student. Looked like he had a good build, too... Maybe an athlete?

Larxene gave a silly wave, but instead of responding, the man nonchalantly closed the curtains.

Well then. Not much of a friendly type.

"Who's that...?" Riku wondered.

"Dunno, Demy's neighbor," she responded indifferently. "Sometimes I see him standing out here, but I guess he didn't want to be around us. He's kinda aloof. He has a really nice ass, though." She pushed away from the railing and headed for the balcony door without waiting for him. "Come on, they're getting started without us."

Riku lingered behind for a few seconds, casting a curious look back where the man had been standing. There was no shadow there now.

Shrugging off the curious encounter, he stepped inside and closed the door behind him before joining the others on the couch.

Once he was in Axel's presence again, his uneasiness from before slipped away, allowing him to relax and play along with everyone's antics as they joked and passed the game controller from person to person. Riku even gave the game a try, more out of curiosity than anything, and found himself laughing at how much of a rookie he was compared to the others. Demyx gave him some pointers, and after Riku still got the main character killed several times, he tried to give the controller back, but they refused to take it from him until he got the hang of the game.

Time flew this way, and when the last quarter of his and Axel's giant bowl of ice cream had melted, they coaxed Riku into drinking the soupy remains. The result was the biggest sugar rush he had ever had, so big that he lost all inhibitions and gladly showed off for Axel's camera, even trying to balance a spoon on his nose while the others cheered him on.

He felt so full of life—he was _giddy_ with it—and not even the passing time bothered him. Midnight came quickly, and when Axel leaned in to kiss him, he didn't care that they were in front of their friends. He opened himself up to Axel, letting the older boy push him against the pillows of the couch and bring in the new year with a kiss so deep that it almost rivaled the one they'd shared before Axel's cherry-flavored Christmas present. When they parted, his head swam with happiness, and he met Axel's crooked grin with one of his own.

"Any resolutions?" Axel questioned, and the slight huskiness to his voice didn't escape Riku.

Riku slipped a leg between Axel's, automatically thinking about that heat pooling inside of him, then about how Axel's mouth and tongue had felt against his dick a few days ago. "I have a few," he admitted, the suggestion there in his tone.

When Axel's grin widened, Riku knew they had the same idea in mind.

-o-o-

After New Years, when he wasn't finding ways to sneak out to be with Axel, he was putting his free time towards Saïx's research paper. And when his aunt wasn't at home, he called Axel over to hang out, so there was no need for his balcony to have foot traffic. Riku took great pride in answering the door to find Axel standing there in his casual hoodies and holey jeans.

Whenever Riku greeted him, his eyes would automatically focus on those silly tattoos of Axel's. They kind of reminded him of a jester's tears. They were taking some getting used to, but he found that the more he looked at them, the more he liked them.

And they weren't the only things Riku was growing accustomed to. During those frequent meetings before school restarted, the two boys had complete reign over the house, and Riku wasn't shy about letting Axel explore the different rooms. Those were the days when Axel took plenty of photos of Riku for that custom scrapbook of his, and Riku gradually grew more and more comfortable with letting him.

Despite Riku's insistence that his life was boring, Axel had never cared. The redhead always had his camera, and with each new roll of developed film, Riku could see Axel's growth as a photographer.

After a while, Riku just accepted that Axel was the type of person who could find beauty even in an empty corner.

-o-o-

On the final day of winter break, he had long finished his research paper but still found himself engrossed in the books Saïx had let him borrow. Even when Axel was there snooping through his room as always (what he was looking for, Riku never bothered to ask), Riku sat curled up on his bed with a heavy blanket as he read through a chapter on Loki in the Norse mythology book—a far cry from his original research topic, but now that he was done with the paper, he didn't care what his readings were focused on.

One of the things Riku found comfortable about their relationship—he was fairly sure it was safe to call it a relationship now—was how Axel could always find ways to entertain himself when the younger boy was in one of his quiet moods. And if Axel wanted attention, he never really forced it out of Riku. He made things easy. Playful.

At the moment, Axel was sifting through the few items on Riku's desk: mostly photographs, but also his schoolwork, his cell phone, and some of the gifts he had gotten for Christmas that he hadn't put to use yet. Speaking of which...

"Why aren't you using your coupons?"

Since that first night, Riku hadn't used any, but he also hadn't really been thinking about it. Without glancing up, he shrugged and turned his book to the next page. "I guess I want to save them."

Axel was unfazed by his distracted nature. "You should use them," he said. He picked the coupon book up and flipped through it loudly. "More experiences faster, y'know? I can't make you into a butterfly if your reclusive caterpillar self wants to stay in a stuffy ole cocoon, if ya get me."

Another metaphor, but this time not a princess?

Riku glanced up at last, but Axel's expression gave nothing away. Riku wanted to ask why it was necessary to make him into a butterfly or princess in the first place, but the question faded on his tongue. What was the big hurry, anyway?

Once again, Riku thought about that day at Larxene's when he had overheard that conversation. Axel had seemed so troubled about something—something concerning _Riku_, but what?

"Well... Then how about you pick one for me?" he suggested. He pulled his blanket closer around himself as Axel's gaze met his and he once again felt as though he were being examined in that I-want-your-wings-in-my-collection way. Maybe that was why Axel wanted him to come out of his cocoon so badly.

"Heh." With that never-ending grin of his, he turned to a coupon in the beginning. "Ah. Free batch of homemade cookies. See? I'll bring some to school tomorrow."

This time the butterflies in Riku's stomach were of a different kind of apprehension.

The laugh he offered Axel in response to his cookie coupon was toned down in comparison to some of his more recent ones. A few months ago, he wouldn't have even laughed. That felt strange to think about...

He lowered his eyes to the words on the worn pages of Saïx's book and trailed off into his thoughts.

Tomorrow. The new semester.

He looked back on the beginning of winter and how he had started out: still timid. Still unsure of his sexuality.

He remembered how much he had physically changed over the summer and how it had bothered him that everyone had noticed. This time, though the change hadn't been physical, he knew there was someone new beneath this shallow exterior of his.

Tomorrow when he walked through those school doors, he no longer would lower his head and hide behind his bangs.

He wanted to meet their stares and have _them _back down for a change.

A flash of light and click made him jolt out of his thoughts, and before he could give Axel a playful but reprimanding look, he was suddenly being pounced instead. Axel's weight landed on him, pressing him to his headboard, and strong fingers pulled the book away from him.

"Hey!"

Panic briefly moved through him, but Axel didn't damage the book as he slammed it closed and tossed it to the foot of the bed.

"You should be focusing on more important things." Those green eyes met his, then, along with a teasing smirk. "Like me."

And that was when Riku finally recognized what that not-quite wolfish look was. Axel wasn't enough of a predator. That playfulness was more... coyote. The trickster. Like Loki.

"You know, you might like the character I was reading about," he said with another quiet laugh, letting Axel lean more weight on him. The way the redhead had him pinned between himself and the bed didn't escape his notice.

Axel's arm brushed past Riku's ear to press against the headboard, and he leaned forward, grin widening. "I think I'd like you more."

Okay.

No complaints there.

Riku curled his fingers into Axel's loose hoodie and tugged him even closer, laughing as Axel's legs shifted up to straddle him and he felt the press of something hard against his thigh. A thrill shot through Riku—until he realized that hardness was cold and square and not Axel himself, but his camera.

"Oops, sorry." Axel laughed and lifted his camera away from Riku's thigh, but instead of setting it aside, he raised it to take another picture.

Riku's eyes widened. "A-Axel!" He could already feel his cheeks warming into a blush, especially when Axel's free hand slipped between them and openly groped him through his pants.

His breath hitched right as another flash went off. He writhed beneath the older boy as he felt himself grow hard, but Axel's hand was merciless as it rubbed and squeezed him, more flashes dancing in front of his eyes—and he wasn't sure all of those were the camera, his vision already swimming with stars from Axel's touches.

"A-A—"

"Heh, what was that?"

Riku rested his head back, groaning, and covered his face with an arm, not comfortable with Axel capturing him on camera like this. But now that he was aroused, he felt Axel's hand release him, only to pull Riku's arm away from his hot face and keep him from covering it again.

"Don't hide," came the soft order, laced with his usual amusement. "I want to see your face."

Easy for _him _to say.

Their gazes met. Axel wet his lips and leaned in a few inches, noses practically touching. Riku's quickened breath mixed with Axel's, but Riku remained still and waited, heart racing, for Axel to finish leaning in.

This close, he could see how dark Axel's green eyes had grown, those irises wider than his teardrop tattoos. They scanned Riku's face for something, that same something that Axel always seemed to be looking for...

But when Riku wet his lips in mimicry, the redhead finally closed the distance between them. All hesitance left Axel as they kissed, tongues and lips gliding against one another as Riku's fingers dug into his hair and Axel's hand slid up the younger boy's shirt, his camerahand forgotten for now. Riku's right nipple hardened beneath the fingertips teasing it, and he released a quiet murmur of encouragement against Axel's mouth and pushed himself a little closer.

Instead of continuing, Axel broke the heated kiss with a sigh. He licked his lips as usual, but then grabbed the bottom of Riku's shirt and pulled it up. He swooped it over the boy's head and dropped it to the side, and Riku's hair swept past his bare shoulders as he leaned against the headboard.

Judging from the subtle bulge in Axel's corduroy pants, Riku wasn't the only one aroused by this.

So then. Axel was turned on by Riku as much as Riku was turned on by him?

An almost vainglorious impression swept through him at the knowledge, and he felt his lips pull into a smirk of their own. He slid a hand down his stomach and cupped himself through his pants.

"Like what you see?"

Two more flashes went off before Axel could come up with a reply. "You're _far _more cruel than I ever could be."

But even through the white spots lingering before his eyesight, Riku could see the crookedness to Axel's grin, and he knew that was pride there in his tone.

-o-o-

In the morning before class, Riku made a special trip to a certain professor's office to return his books. The halls of the faculty center were still mostly empty, but for each student and teacher he passed, he noticed their stares and met each one with a smile and a fresh, "Good morning!" just to see how they balked when caught staring.

It was his way of showing them all that, sure, they could ogle all they wanted—but the game would run both ways now. He wasn't going to play invisible anymore.

So far, it was working. He felt on top of the world by the time he reached Saïx's office.

Judging from the hint of light beneath the crack of the office door, his professor was inside. His gorgeous, intelligent, mysterious, and maybe-interested-in-him professor. Damn, there were those butterflies in his stomach again. How could Axel and Saïx cut through his defenses without even trying?

Trying to let his nerves give him courage, Riku lifted his fist and sharply rapped on the door.

Like before, there was the creak of a chair and the shuffle of feet on carpet, and then the door swung open.

Only three weeks had passed since he had last lain eyes on his professor, but the effect of seeing him after such a break was like seeing him again for the first time.

Riku's eyes skimmed over Saïx's delicate facial features, along his long blue ponytail, down his slim-fitting black turtleneck—and there Riku stopped, realizing Saïx was watching him check him out.

_Eyes above the waist, Riku._

He met Saïx's gaze, which was a golden hazel today, and he offered him the same smile he had been giving everyone that morning.

"Good morning, Saïx."

The man lifted a slender brow at him. "Riku. I wasn't expecting to see you until class." He stepped aside to let Riku through, nonetheless. "You seem to be in a good mood. Productive vacation?"

Riku brushed by him and set his satchel on the chair in front of the desk. "If by productive, you mean I finished your paper, yes," he said, glancing up through his bangs to give Saïx a playful smile. "I did." He pulled open his bag and retrieved his research paper.

His professor returned the look as he gently closed the door. "I'm glad. You wouldn't believe how many students have asked for an extension." He shook his head and folded his arms over his chest. "As prestigious as this academy is, you would think its students would do their work on time. But, not to deviate—" He drew closer to Riku and held his hand out for the paper. "Why not turn it in during class?"

"I would have, but I wanted to visit your office anyway," Riku said, and, feeling a bit daring, he kept his tone purposely ambiguous to see how Saïx would react. He handed his paper over.

Saïx took it and set it on his desk without even glancing at it, his eyes remaining on Riku. "Oh?" If he had caught onto Riku's flirt, he gave no indication of it because his expression remained the same. "Why is that?"

Riku silently laughed at himself for expecting anything. If he wanted to be with Axel that badly, why was he even flirting with his professor? Because the man was gorgeous? Because he _wanted _Saïx to be interested in him? He didn't really get it, but... A part of him knew he was fishing in dangerous waters, but the other part of him was too curious to leave this alone. Maybe what interested him was the notion of being desired by someone taboo? They could look all they wanted, but no touching could ever be involved, not between a professor and a student.

"To return these," he answered and began to take out the books he had borrowed. "I admit I read more than what I needed to for my paper..." He set the books onto Saïx's desk one at a time as he spoke, well aware of how intently the man was watching him. "I didn't bend the spines or anything, though. I was careful. There were a few chapters in there that I read a few times. I was really interested in the sections about Yggdrasil and Ragnar—"

He cut himself off as a cool hand rested over his.

Riku breathed in and lifted his gaze to meet Saïx's as the older man calmly watched him.

"Ragnarok?" he finished for Riku. He took the books from him, his hand slipping away from the boy's. "Have any favorite gods, then?"

Riku withdrew his hand and resisted the urge to rub it; where Saïx had touched him, his skin was tingling, and it made the butterflies in his stomach even more flustered. So much for his confidence. But then—what had that gesture meant, if anything?

"Yeah..." Riku paused to take a deep breath, and he wet his lips. "Loki."

"Ah, a fan of tricksters?" Saïx asked with a smile. With his books in hand, he moved to the giant bookcase to put them away. "Most people tend to like Loki."

Turning to watch him, Riku wondered if liking tricksters was a bad thing. "And you?"

"Not Loki," Saïx said without hesitation. "Tricksters aren't my type." He slipped each book back onto its shelf, and then glanced at Riku again, half a smirk on his face. "I'll tell you what, Riku. One guess per visit. When you guess correctly, I will make you an offer."

Something about the way he said that gave Riku goosebumps. It took everything in his willpower to keep from fidgeting right then. "What kind of offer...?" he asked.

"One you will be very interested in," Saïx replied. His smirked widened. "At least, I hope so."

Okay, he definitely hadn't been imagining _that_. Eager to know what this offer might be, he thought through the list of Norse gods that Saïx might like, and picked the most obvious one.

"Odin?"

Saïx chuckled. "And the Well of Knowledge? Not quite, but a good try."

"Thor?"

Saïx held up a hand. "One per visit," he reminded with an amused look. "Now get to class."

"I still have thirty minutes," Riku pointed out, raising a brow in challenge.

Saïx arched a brow back, but it was in good humor. "I don't."

Damn. Though he was a tad disappointed, he didn't show it. With a laugh, he nodded in understanding and closed his satchel. "Right. Professor duties." He swung his bag onto his shoulder. "I'll stop pestering you. Thanks again for letting me borrow the books."

But as he turned to leave the room, Saïx's arm stretched out and blocked his path.

Riku glanced up at the older man, who was again giving him that subtly pleased look that reminded Riku of how dangerous this situation could become.

"I wouldn't call it pestering," Saïx said, and something there in his tone distinctly reminded Riku of the ambiguity in Riku's earlier flirt. They met each other's eyes, shared a breath, and then Saïx lowered his arm to let him pass.

When Riku left his office, he did so with a proud smile pulling across his lips.

-o-o-

With his mind swimming with thoughts of Axel and Saïx, he stepped into first period, ready to face the world with his blossoming confidence. Unlike last semester, Riku chose a seat near the front to see how much the stares and whispers behind him would affect him now.

As usual, no one sat next to him, and as always it was hard to ignore all of the attention he inadvertently seemed to draw. A few weeks ago, this would have bothered him enough to move to the back of the room...

But a few minutes into the lecture, he managed to block everyone out and focus on the lessons instead. That was new. It was also a very welcome change. He didn't falter, not even when a girl behind him purposely dropped her pen in his direction and asked him if he could pick it up.

He did so, and as he handed it back to her, he offered her a coy little smirk that earned him an instant blush on her cheeks.

She stammered a soft thank you, turned to look at her friends, and they giggled. Riku just smiled and returned to his notes.

Yes, things were changing.

-o-o-

Seeing Axel in uniform again after three weeks of casual attire was surreal on its own, but with those new tattoos added onto the back-to-school routine, Riku couldn't help doing his own bit of staring. But if Axel noticed, he obviously had other things on his mind.

"Hey, hey!" Axel dropped into the seat next to him, which was actually Axel's usual seat. Riku had decided to stop hiding in the back of this class as well. "New seating arrangement?" he teased as he slung an arm around Riku. And despite how composed he had been all day, Riku's composure immediately dissolved under Axel's playfulness, and the heat crept onto his face as he tried to brush Axel off.

"Not in public," he whispered.

Not that Axel was inclined to listen.

Maybe sitting next to Axel wasn't such a great idea... especially since Professor Kramer could see everything from her vantage point at the head of the class, and Riku would rather not have to explain anything to her if Axel decided to flirt with him beneath the tabletop. But he supposed it was too late to move now...

He and Axel were in the same classroom as before with the same professor, but they were now in the second part of the course: Introductions to Topics in Philosophy. Riku was expecting a lot of complicated and potentially boring coursework, and had figured that sitting with Axel would help pass time. Well, he hadn't thought about _what_ Axel would consider "passingtime."

"Now would be a good time to use your 'freemake-out session somewhere public'coupon, eh?" Axel said, and Riku was just grateful he was keeping his voice down now. More students were filing into the lecture hall.

He should probably switch seats with Demyx before something happened to embarrass him further. "No, it _wouldn't_," he hissed. Damn, his blush wasn't going to fade any time soon at this rate.

"Speaking of which!" Axel easily cut in, and Riku decided to let the redhead get away with the interruption. Axel sifted through his backpack and pulled out a shallow tin canister marked with images of chocolate truffles. Somehow Riku doubted that the canister still held any truffles. In fact, he was pretty sure he knew what was inside.

"You... actually made me cookies?"

"Actually, no." Axel set the canister in front of Riku and grinned. "I _tried _to make you cookies, but they burned to a crisp. Demy, on the other hand, is a total cookie-making pro."

Riku laughed and opened the lid where the smell of fresh, homemade chocolate chip cookies met him. "Where _is _Demyx?" he wondered aloud, wanting to thank him. Usually Axel and Demyx came into the classroom together.

Here Axel kept his tone low again. "Skipping, man. He made the cookies, so I promised to get the notes for him. He's probably in Lachesis by now standing in line for some concert he got tickets for at Christmas. Heh, 'ole Sandy Claws was generous this year."

"A concert?" Riku asked. He couldn't even imagine skipping school to go to some concert in another city.

"Yeah, with like three of his favorite bands."

Riku lifted his brows, clearly surprised. "He loves his music that much? Enough to ditch?"

The partially skeptical, partially amused look that Axel gave him in that moment should have been enough to tell Riku otherwise, but Axel still did the pleasure of enlightening him. "What's the one thing in your life you feel the most passionate about?"

The first thing that popped into Riku's mind was the sensation of Axel's mouth and hands on him, but he shoved those thoughts right out of his head, definitely not wanting to deal with their outcome in the middle of a classroom and right next to Axel, no less. Okay, so maybe Axel—or just the idea of sex—was one of the things he felt the most passionate about lately. But he wasn't about to admit that he had sex on the brain so often (even though Axel probably did, too).

What _was _he passionate about? His aunt had raised him in a little bubble. He wasn't the one who wanted to be perfect—his _aunt_ wanted that. He didn't want to be the center of attention—his aunt did. There were a lot of her influences that he'd love to escape.

"I guess... it's freedom?" Riku said after a moment. "Getting away from my aunt. Living my own life."

Axel nodded. "Good. Well, think about it this way: what would you do if someone suddenly gave you the perfect escape out of your aunt's life? Like, plane tickets to nowhere and a completely new identity and all that jazz. Wouldn't you rather have that freedom than stay here and listen to lectures all day?"

Well, when Axel said it like that... "Yeah," Riku admitted. "I guess I would."

"Same." Axel gave him a knowing look, his grin now a smile. "I'd quit school in a heartbeat if I knew my camera could get me somewhere. Demyx is like that. He'd rather be out there listening to his idols. Out there is the opportunity of a lifetime. In here? Just one more day of notes. Demy will be back tomorrow, good as new."

Riku met his smile, and he quietly closed the lid on his cookies as if those words could somehow be preserved in the tin container. He tucked the cookies into his satchel and got ready for class, which would be starting any minute now.

As Axel busied himself with getting out his own things to copy notes, Riku glanced at him again, automatically studying Axel's facial tattoos. He hadn't mentioned anything about them today...

"Your tattoos look different when you're in uniform," Riku commented. He resisted the urge to reach out and touch the inverted teardrops. "Have you gotten into trouble yet?"

As if he had been waiting for the question, Axel proudly grinned. "Almost as soon as I stepped onto school grounds, I shit you not."

Riku's eyes widened. "What'd they say?"

"Thaaaat I could get suspended," Axel replied. "But for now, I just have lunch detention indefinitely."

Oh great. Lunch detention.

Riku knew what that meant.

Axel's expression turned sheepish when he saw Riku's expression fall. "Sorry about that, by the way. But I expect to be out of the fire pretty soon." Then that grin widened, to Riku's surprise. "If they give me too much bullshit about it, I'll just have Larx cover them up with her stash of makeup, and no one will even remember they're there." With a shrug, he turned towards the front as Professor Kramer entered the lecture hall. "No biggie. Like I said, they can't really do shit to me. I'm graduating in five months."

Once again, the ease in which Axel lived his life and tackled his problems—or handled the ones he created himself—amazed Riku. Possible suspension? Lunch detention indefinitely? Neither seemed to faze him.

Both would have had Riku fretting for his life.

"Just don't piss them off even more," Riku warned, and then let out a sigh as he realized something else. If Demyx was skipping and Axel was going to be in lunch detention, Riku was on his own for lunch.

...well, maybe not completely alone.

-o-o-

The look on Pence's face was priceless when Riku set his food down in front of him at lunch. Not quite like he had seen a ghost, but close. Even Olette seemed confused to see him. After how long Riku had avoided them, however, he wasn't surprised.

"Riku?"

"Hey guys," Riku greeted as he sat down across from them. "How was the skiing trip?"

The couple exchanged glances with each other, then opened their mouths to speak, but no words came out at first. After Pence let out a nervous laugh and rubbed the back of his head, Olette blushed a little and found her voice.

"S-Sorry," she said. "The trip was great. Wished you could have made it..."

Somehow, Riku doubted that they would have appreciated his presence. Maybe it was her blush and Pence's shifty behavior that gave it away, but Riku had a feeling a lot more than skiing had been going on out there. "Yeah, but, you know..." He shrugged and smiled anyway. "Research papers. Did your packages make it in time? I sent them first class..."

Pence recovered here. "Oh man, yeah! Thanks for the jersey, it was awesome! You know how much I love Dogstreet stuff." He broke into a grin, and when Olette covered her mouth to hide a giggle, Pence turned defensive. "Well, I _do_..."

"He does. He went on about it for like an _hour _after he opened his present, I swear," she said in a light tone. "And I wore my hat and scarf as soon as I unwrapped them! We took pictures. I still need to upload them, but I'll totally put them online when I do."

Riku smiled at them, glad that everyone else had been pleased with their presents even if his aunt had been a complete bitch about hers. "Yeah. That'd be great. I was worried they wouldn't make it on time... or at all."

"No sweat. We'll have to give you our presents later, though," Pence confessed. "We didn't think we'd see you today."

Or for a while, no doubt. Riku already felt like a stranger to them. He shook his head and kept his smile in place. "Don't worry about it. You didn't even have to get me anything..."

"Oh, come on," Pence laughed. "You're getting something. _Especially _since you couldn't come with us." Now seeming relaxed, he picked up his fork to begin eating. "So how'd the paper go?"

Mention of the paper made Riku's mind automatically jump to how often Axel had interrupted his research just for a good make out session. Or two. "G-Great," he replied, and had to clear his throat to stabilize his voice. Figures. Axel could affect his confidence even when he wasn't there. "It turned out great."

He didn't miss the knowing look that Olette gave him. She knew from that phone call weeks ago that Riku hadn't just been busy with a paper, but had wanted to spend time with Axel. And though he could feel the question sitting there at the tip of her tongue, _Did you have fun with Axel?, _she said nothing, and Riku was grateful for that. He wouldn't have known how to answer that with a straight face.

Especially since he still suspected that she _knew _just how much Axel really meant to him.

-o-o-

What was it about returning to school after a vacation that made classes drag longer than they should? Even Saïx's class had felt like forever, though that was mostly because his professor kept sending him wolfish little smiles that turned Riku's insides into mush. Actually _wolfish_, not like Axel's teasing ones.

Not to mention how difficult Self Defense class was with Axel purposely straddling him all the time.

When Rude dropped him off at home that day, Riku was ready to collapse onto bed and sleep the rest of the night. Unfortunately, that luxury would have to wait.

There was an extra car parked in the driveway.

Riku didn't think much of it at first, figuring it was another of his aunt's friends or guests, but when he stepped into the foyer, he suddenly remembered what his aunt had told him days ago on New Years Eve: he had to spend two hours each day after school with a tutor.

He couldn't believe she had actually hired one.

An unpleasant mix of dread, indignation, and weariness filled him as he trudged to the parlor where he could hear his aunt's tinny laugh echoing into the hall. He might as well get this over with, otherwise she'd pester him about this stupid idea of hers until he gave in and admitted (lied) it would be good for him.

He paused outside the door, took a deep breath to control his ire, and softly knocked before entering.

"I'm home."

For a moment, right as Riku spotted them, his aunt and the tutor looked like twins.

Both of them glanced up at the sound of his voice, both with tea cups in their hands, both with their platinum blonde hair done up into buns. It was eerie. Then Riku got a good look at the man.

Hollowed cheeks, thinned eyes with subtle bags beneath them, a long pointed nose—this guy _looked _like he belonged buried beneath a stack of old books. He was wearing a deep green waistcoat and black tie, but his aunt had probably taken his jacket or coat earlier. He didn't seem too old, probably somewhere in his late thirties, but the air about him was very sage-like and intimidating, giving him an even older feel. With the pair of spectacles tucked into his front chest pocket, he looked extremely distinguished. Too distinguished.

Riku met the man's gaze, a frigid green, and decided he already didn't like him.

"Ah, Riku—" His aunt set down her teacup and rose to her feet. "Mr. Crompton, this is my nephew. Riku, I would like you to meet Dr. Even Crompton, your new personal mentor."

Mentor. There was that word again.

The doc also got to his feet, teacup placed on the coffee table, and he held a hand out for Riku to shake. "The ever illustrious Mr. Edenbrook," he said by way of greeting. There was something about his voice—a not-quite nasally drawl, more like a whine, but somehow still lofty and prudish—that sent a weird shiver down Riku's spine.

Riku only took the man's hand because he was attempting to be civil. "You have a PhD?"

They shook, though the doc's hand didn't have much force behind it. "Indeed," was the distant response. "Though since we will be working in such... close quarters, I would prefer it if you regarded me by name, not title."

"By name..." Riku pulled his hand back and felt the need to wipe it off, but he resisted for now. "Let me guess. This is this like when the babysitter tells the baby that she's his friend, not his mom?"

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw his aunt stiffen in shock. The doc, however, just looked confused.

"Pardon me?"

"That's what it sounds like," Riku explained, his friendly act beginning to drop. "You're telling me that since we're going to be all buddy-buddy, I shouldn't call you Dr. Crompton, yeah? Or maybe not even Even. How about _Vex_en? Because that's all this personal mentoring of yours is going to do to me."

"_Riku_!"

There was his aunt's typical shriek of outrage. Good. Maybe if he humiliated her, she'd think twice about screwing with his life next time.

But Vexen remained composed. A faint curl of his lips was all he gave Riku in response.

"Just thought I'd warn you," Riku added. Then, before his aunt could get on his case, he whirled around and started to leave. "I'm sick, so I'll be in my room."

"Riku, don't you—"

But Riku did. He left and closed the door behind him. He waited. Beyond the door, he could hear his aunt apologize for his rude behavior, but Vexen only seemed amused by Riku's little show.

"The boy has wit, I'll give him that." Here he chuckled, but it was as nasally and whiny as his voice. "No need to apologize for him, Rena." He heard the creak of the couch as Vexen presumably sat again. "He's a teenager, and he has his pride. I'll just return tomorrow to speak with him. But until then... tell me _more_ about Mr. Edenbrook."

Riku felt his stomach churn as he listened. Was Vexen some sort of shrink? Well, whatever he was, he wouldn't discover shit about him by going to his _aunt _of all people. Creating an even lower opinion of the man just on principal, Riku silently left the hall and went up to his room, letting his anger simmer inside of him.

He already knew what he wanted to do for the rest of the day.

He locked his bedroom door and fished Axel's coupon book out of his top desk drawer where he had hidden it beneath a collection of photos, figuring his aunt would never snoop there. He dropped his messenger bag onto his bed and pulled out his phone as he flipped through the coupons to find the one he was looking for.

Axel answered on the second ring.

"What's up, Cinderchick?"

Already relieved just to hear Axel's voice, Riku crawled onto his bed. "I want to use a coupon."

"Right now?"

"Right now."

"I'm literally walking into work as we speak, y'know."

"I know." Riku's fingers tightened around his phone. "Take a sick day." He pondered whether or not to add the words _I need you_ to his request, but decided against it in the end. "Please."

Silence filled the other end of the line, and then—a static-filled sigh. "Okay." A hint of amusement crept into his tone. "Give me five minutes to fake my death, and I'll be over there before you know it."

Smiling, Riku relaxed into his sheets and closed his eyes. He could already feel the knots in his stomach unraveling. "Thanks."

"Thank me when I get there."

They hung up, and he let his phone slip from his fingers onto his mattress. He opened his eyes and lifted the coupon book to study the elegant font. _Free sick day from work and/or school. _He carefully tore the coupon out and tucked the book beneath his pillows. If only he could make _every_ day a free sick day from work and school...

Axel was true to his word and arrived only a half hour later, his presence announced by the shuffling outside Riku's balcony once again. He opened the door and helped Axel over the railing as usual, and the first thing out of Axel's mouth was a question.

"What kind of douche is driving the pussy-car parked out front?"

Riku broke into a grin and tugged Axel inside. The sneaking in had almost become a routine by now—let Axel in, close the doors and curtains, double check the lock, turn on some music to drown out voices. Only then did Riku reply.

"Belongs to my _personal mentor_."

Axel raised his brows. "...that some kind of prostitute?"

Riku laughed and shook his head, and without another word, he took Axel's heavy backpack from him and pulled him onto the bed.

At first Riku wasn't sure what it was that he wanted, but as he and Axel lay face to face on their sides in his bed, just quietly talking and laughing, Riku had an inkling of what he was missing in his life.

Contact.

Axel was the closest person he had.

None of his relatives, none of his other friends or acquaintances... Not even Olette had ever known him this well or had gone so far out of her way to do something to make Riku happy. And when he really thought about it, the last person who had done so was Sora. Had it really been that long...?

"Thanks," Riku murmured into Axel's neck as fingers slowly trailed through his hair.

He felt Axel's soft laugh more than he heard it.

"Don't mention it."

-o-o-

Days passed since the Spring semester began, and Riku eventually caved into his aunt's wishes about having Vexen tutor him. Riku could think of dozens of better things to do for two hours after school, but if obeying his aunt kept her from shrieking at him every time she saw him, so be it. He'd rather pretend to be on her good side and sneak out behind her back anyway.

Vexen wasn't so bad at first. He was intelligent and patient, and most importantly, he didn't know Riku well. That made him the perfect candidate for Riku to experiment with.

To Vexen, he was just a smartass teenager, and if Riku could help it, he wanted to keep it that way. He was tired of wearing his insecurities on his sleeve, and so far, he hadn't faltered even once around the doc—who, as it turned out, wasn't a shrink after all. He was a scientist. Well, sort of.

Since Riku's lowest grades had been in science, mathematics, and philosophy, his aunt had turned to Vexen, who specialized in all three fields. So what Riku actually had as a mentor was a socially inept scientist—much better than someone who was a people person. Vexen could try to analyze him all he wanted, he didn't care.

Still, after a week of dodging the damn tutor and after another week of tolerating the man's boring lessons, Riku was ready for a reprieve come Saturday. Rena often left the house on weekends, and that was when Riku could call Axel over just to hang out.

No knight in shining armor involved. Just two boys bored with their lives and other people. Even Demyx and Larxene were busy during daylight hours on weekends, so Axel never complained about Riku wanting his company at those times.

On those days littered with Axel's kisses and picture-taking, Riku often found himself thinking about Sora, probably because that was when his mind wasn't clogged with the mess that was school or the tutor or his aunt... and also probably because of how close Axel often drew Riku to the brink of wanting to break that promise.

Unlike Vexen, Axel was a bit of a people person, and when Axel analyzed Riku, he felt like Axel was actually unraveling the mysteries of his soul.

Axel gradually grew teasing with his kisses, often withdrawing just to try to provoke Riku into initiating one on his own. But Riku knew better. And if he _didn't_ know better, he'd suspect Axel somehow knew about Sora's promise and _wanted_ Riku to break it.

Impossible, yes, but the thought lingered...

And it lingered to the day Axel finally did find out about the promise.

-o-o-

Sunday.

It was a quiet day. Something about the snowy softness of the atmosphere outside had permeated their moods, making even Axel toned down, or at least preoccupied with something.

Riku had chosen the library as their refuge for the afternoon, and there he sat in the large bay window, his knees tucked to his chest as he stared out into the snowy gardens. His mind was far from Axel at that moment, or even anything dealing with Atropos.

The snow had reminded him ironically of the beach and how it had never snowed back on Destiny Islands.

From there he had started thinking about Sora's sunny grin, Sora's eccentric mother and her silly fairytales, and then his own parents... His mom, from whom he had inherited most of his delicate features, and his dad, the one who had had the balls to ditch his prestigious background in order to elope with the one he had wanted to be with. Riku couldn't remember much about them, hardly even their faces, which he only knew because he had pictures of them.

Sora, however, he remembered well.

What was it about that boy that let Riku remember him so well instead of his own parents? Was it because Riku had spent most of his childhood out adventuring with Sora instead of spending time with his folks? Because his mom had been so adamant about getting him out into the sun instead of caring about the problems he had been having with his multiplication table?

He wondered if she would be proud of him now. Top of his class, constant center of attention...

But when he thought about how hard she used to try to get Riku to make friends, and how much the other kids used to pick on him for being so small and girly, he realized that, no, if his mom were alive today, she probably would have been more proud of Riku if he had made good friends, not perfect grades.

"Heads-up!"

_Flash._

Riku blinked and turned to spot a camera sneaking away. He felt Axel slide onto the bay window seat beside him, and the warm breath against his cheek told him just how close he really was.

Wondering why Axel liked to make out so often after taking pictures, Riku smiled and lifted his gaze to meet Mr. Photographer's.

The after-image of the flash was still dancing in front of his eyes as Axel's red hair filled his vision, and Riku found himself preparing for a kiss that never came.

Axel instead hovered there for a moment and studied Riku's contemplative expression as if expecting something. He had been doing this so often lately, but Riku was patient.

However, instead of leaning in to kiss Riku anyway, the redhead sighed and pulled away, almost in disappointment. "Why don't you ever kiss me first?"

And despite how many nights Riku had lain awake thinking the exact same thing, he had never come up with a good answer for it. Except the truth. But how was he supposed to tell Axel about that silly promise he had made to his silly best friend who had thought he was a girl? When Riku thought about that promise from Axel's point of view, he couldn't think of it as anything but dumb.

He didn't know what he would do if Axel told him something like that.

Those red brows drew together, and Riku found that he couldn't look Axel in the eye. He focused on the tattoos instead, feeling dumb anyway, and much like a child compared to Axel—who, in one of his rare moments of non-amusement, was beginning to look irritated.

Irritated, with Riku?

"Is it because you still think you're straight?"

Riku shook his head, unable to find his voice. Maybe it was because his heart was now lodged in his throat.

"Well, you better start talking," Axel said, sounding only partially playful.

It was the serious part that scared Riku. He hadn't meant to make Axel angry by not meeting him halfway all the time, but... It had been weeks since they had established this relationship, whatever it was. When Riku thought about it from Axel's point of view, he supposed he would be confused and frustrated, too. Had he been too selfish? Too expectant that Axel would continue to cater to his damsel in distress act?

When Riku didn't start talking, Axel sighed again. He set his camera down and scooted even closer. "Hey, I'm not mad." The irritation in his voice was already gone. His hand rested over Riku's knee and gently squeezed. "I just don't get it," he admitted. "I mean—you act like you wanna be with me, but then you never make the first move."

The coolness of his fingers filtered through Riku's lounge pants, and the touch that usually sent butterflies racing through his body did nothing this time. It was just a touch. Or maybe it was because his nerves were already in tangles. Regardless of all of the work he had done to build his confidence in Axel's image, it still never worked around Axel himself. Little by little, Axel was exposing his biggest insecurities.

"Come ooon," Axel urged, and his other hand started to squeeze at Riku's waist to tickle him. "Don't tell me the sea witch has your voice again. Talk to me."

And like always, Riku couldn't resist Axel's mischievous side. He squirmed away from the tickling and felt almost relieved when a familiar blush blossomed on his cheeks. Embarrassment was a good sign. He gave a nervous laugh and nodded, though his heart was still in his throat and would probably stay that way until he was done.

"F-Fine," he said at last. He formed a shaky smile. "Don't laugh at me. I know it'll sound stupid, but..."

"But...?" Axel prompted.

"Remember that photo by my bed?"

"Sure." The grin Axel formed was somewhat confused. "And I remember how you were as cute in the picture as you were when you talked about it."

Riku laughed and lowered his face. "Well..."

This was it.

He took a deep breath, and he felt the walls around his heart thinning.

"Sora was more than just a best friend to me," he began.

He lifted his face again, and as Axel met his gaze, Riku saw more than just curiosity there. He saw sincerity. It made him realize that maybe this Trickster was full of more than just jokes and truth-telling. And even if Axel wasn't Prince Charming, he deserved more than what Riku had to give for at least trying. That, more than anything, gave Riku the courage to continue.

He released his deep breath.

Then, steadying his smile, he explained everything there was to know about the little boy named Sora, including that silly little promise that wasn't silly to Riku. But, as it turned out...

Axel didn't think it was silly, either.

-o-o-

* * *

_To be continued..._

Don't forget, this is the censored version. To read the uncensored, which has more of Riku's development, please visit my website.


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